Love Oneself First -- The basis?

[GeorgiaPeach]

I don’t believe that putting love of oneself above everything else is God’s will, especially if we are to live by the example set by Jesus.

Does anyone know where this idea came from? Perhaps it has a scriptural basis that I have missed. More importantly, is this idea backed by the Church?

God Bless!

 

[JimG]

I really don’t know. But I’m thinking that the injunction to “Love thy neighbor as thyself” might be fruitless for a person who hates himself.

 

[Trishie]

At some time I wrote the following which hopefully answers some of the question

‘Love others…as yourself’

Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.” Help us therefore not to be uncharitable to ourselves.

Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.”[Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29] If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy*: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” *[Jeremiah 23-24]

The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by *“filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” *[Philippians 4:8] and serving “in works of love.” It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]

Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.

Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God. Jesus, help me to know that You really love me so that I can love You and love others truly.

 

[Trishie]

Scriptural basis:
Leviticus 19:18 (OLD Testament)
“Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself. [

](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage...se=17&end_verse=19&version=51&context=context)Matthew 19:19
Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “
Matthew 22:39
A second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ [

](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage...se=38&end_verse=40&version=51&context=context)Mark 12:31
The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” [

](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage...se=30&end_verse=32&version=51&context=context)Luke 10:27
The man answered, ” You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” [

](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage...se=26&end_verse=28&version=51&context=context)Romans 13:9
For the commandments against adultery and murder and stealing and coveting–and any other commandment–are all summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” [

](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage...rse=8&end_verse=10&version=51&context=context)Galatians 5:14
For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
James 2:8
Yes indeed, it is good when you truly obey our Lord’s royal command found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Thank you Trishie, that is what I was looking for, especially the verses from Ecclesiasticus.

Gosh, I remind my kids all the time to be kind to others because God made everyone. The same obviously applies to ourselves.

Sometimes the answers are so obvious they are easy to miss. I tend to read too much into things and lose sight.

 

[Cruciform]

The Bible nowhere commands or instructs human beings to love themselves. Rather, man’s innate love for himself is simply assumed as a given (Eph. 5:29, etc.). Thus, says Jesus, “Love your neighbor as you [presumably *already] love yourself.”

Indeed, the very idea of “self-love” is oxymoronic, since love is by definition sacrificial and self-denying. St. Thomas Aquinas defines love as the capacity “to will the good of another.” Thus, genuine love is other-directed. Divinely inspired love is the direct opposite of self-love.

The modern notion of “loving oneself” as a virtue comes not from divine revelation, but from contemporary pop psychology.

Gaudium de veritate,

Cruciform
+T+

 

[Trishie]

Thus, says Jesus, "Love your neighbor as you [presumably *already

] love yourself."

Cruciform
+T+

The fact is that many people don’t love themselves, and don’t value the gift of self and life God gives them, by not taking reasonable care of themselves and even actively harming themselves. This is intrinsically an insult to God and a betrayal of His creative love.

“If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Catechism of the Catholic Church

2319 Every human life, from the moment of conception until death, is sacred because the human person has been willed for its own sake in the image and likeness of the living and holy God.

 

[Trishie]

I guess the question as dealt with by the poster before me requires some definition of what 'loving self, loving others" is.
It isn’t that warm feeling we may have towards others and ourselves, it is about choices.

What Jesus meant by loving others is taught by Him extensively throughout the Gospels. He sums it up by giving the criteria by which He will judge souls, in Matthew 25, verses 31-46. He makes no mention of warm feelings or even good will, but of acts of practical kindness as being what He requires for us to be welcomed into Heaven.

Likewise when He tells others to love themselves, which is implicit in 'love others and you love yourself" we, as human beings need to take reasonable care of ourselves, with sufficient food and rest and decency. That is loving oneself. It isn’t unreasonable self-indulgence, it is respect of the gift of body and mind God has given us.

If any of us do not take proper care of ourselves, ie, give practical love to the body and mind or to the soul He gives us, then we can become mentally ill, depressed, sick, or succumb to substance abuse, succumb to temptations. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, we need to keep ourselves as healthy as possible in order to be best able to do acts of practical kindness to others. This is what Jesus is saying.

Was Jesus being self-indulgent when He defended the woman who poured ointment over His feet, and pointed out that His host hadn’t provided Him with the basics of hospitality. Was He when He accepted the help of another to help carry His Cross, and remember that there is no mention of Him falling in the Gospels. Or was He when He defended Mary of Bethany for simply keeping Him company, rather than helping her sister? Of course not.

There is a balance. Proper care of self, right use of our humanity and gifts is ‘loving self’’. Being selfishly self-indulgent is not where it prevents us from loving God above all and others as self, in faithful and practical ways.

 

[Cruciform]

The fact is that many people don’t love themselves…

I would have to respectfully disagree with that claim, for reasons touched upon in Post #6 above. Love of self is simply an innate part of fallen humanity, as St. Paul has written: “No man ever hates his own flesh [his bodily self], but nourishes and cherishes it…” (Eph. 5:29). It’s simply part of our humanity to care for self. When we wake up in the morning, we comb our hair, brush our teeth, eat breakfast, wash ourselves, clothe ourselves, etc. Now, says Jesus, go out and take care of your neighbor the same way that you already innately and instinctively care for and love yourself. Jesus’ entire analogy would collapse if human beings were not already innate self-lovers.

…and don’t value the gift of self and life God gives them, by not taking reasonable care of themselves and even actively harming themselves.

Could you post a specific example of what you have in mind here?

Gaudium de veritate,

Cruciform
+T+

 

[Trishie]

I’m not concerned about going into depth as you have your viewpoint. There are too many people who are self-destructive in some form or other, physical, mental spiritual, and if you are familiar with these forums you will know that, but if you have never experienced what they have, then nothing I can say will mean much. You may never have experienced the depth of self-hate that many people experience and I’m glad for you and thank God for that! Many others will recognise in their lives the reality of what I said.
God created us in His image and likeness, and wholesome humanity is therefor holy, lived in compliance to the commands to
love God above all,
others as self, as Jesus taught.
God bless you.

 

[Cruciform]

…Likewise when He tells others to love themselves, which is implicit in 'love others and you love yourself"…

I must disagree. Jesus isn’t “telling” us to love ourselves, rather he’s assuming the fact that we already do. It’s human nature to care for and protect self (Eph. 5:29). Now Jesus wants us to go out and do the same for others. (See Posts #6 and #9 above.)

Gaudium de veritate,

Cruciform
+T+

 

[Cruciform]

I’m not concerned about going into depth as you have your viewpoint. There are too many people who are self-destructive in some form or other, physical, mental spiritual, and if you are familiar with these forums you will know that, but it you have never experienced what they have, then nothing I can say will mean much.

Of course, I’ve engaged in my own share of self-destructive behavior at various times in my life, so your assumption that I somehow lack an experiential reference point for understanding your position doesn’t really apply. I also notice that you haven’t yet engaged with a single argument or point I’ve raised in any of my preceding posts. Rather, you’ve merely restated your initial claim.

You may never have experienced the depth of self-hate that many people experience…

You seem to be proceeding from the false assumption that self-destructive behavior stems from a “hatred for oneself,” but this is hardly necessarily the case. Perhaps you could offer a concrete example of such a supposed expression of “self-hate”…?

Gaudium de veritate,

Cruciform
+T+

 

[KyivAndrew]

You seem to be proceeding from the false assumption that self-destructive behavior stems from a “hatred for oneself,” but this is hardly necessarily the case. Perhaps you could offer a concrete example of such a supposed expression of “self-hate”…?

You asked this question of Trishie, but I’ll take the liberty of jumping in myself with an example. Have you ever heard of Suicide?

Jesus said He came not for the Healthy but the Sick, for those that are well have no need of the Physician. (Mark 2:17)

God Bless.

p.s. would it help if the issue was rephrased to say that the poor in spirit should not despise themselves?

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

Seems like a case of what comes first…

If we give of ourselves (love is giving) then we will in turn love ourselves.

From personal experience, suicide isn’t always self-hatred.

 

[geometer]

People who kill themselves do so to escape pain.

The scriptures do assume that we love ourselves. Jesus said you must hate your life and lose your life to find your life. He who loves his life will lose his life.

On a humorus note, Jimmy Swaggard said, no one hates himself, its like the young girl who says that she hates herself because she is ugly. If she hated herself, then she would be glad that she’s ugly!

 

[Cruciform]

You asked this question of Trishie, but I’ll take the liberty of jumping in myself with an example. Have you ever heard of Suicide?

Why do people commit suicide? Because they “hate themselves,” and need to love themselves more? Not at all. One commits suicide in order to escape or avoid pain (both physical and emotional), or as a means of making an ultimate statement to others which cannot then be answered by those left behind (as in the case of murder/suicide, or mass shootings, etc.)—in other words, in order to “have the last word.” Now, who would help someone they supposedly “hate” escape or avoid pain? No, suicide is essentially a self-centered act, the ultimate act of self-love. So this simply doesn’t work as a valid example of people “hating themselves.” Can you think of another example?

Gaudium de veritate,

Cruciform
+T+

 

[KyivAndrew]

No, suicide is essentially a self-centered act, the ultimate act of self-love. So this simply doesn’t work as a valid example of people “hating themselves.” Can you think of another example?

Gaudium de veritate,

Cruciform
+T+

NO! I think you misunderstand suicide then. We will just have to disagree. Having dealt with people who have attempted suicide, I can honestly say I find your description of suicide as “the ultimate act of self-love” to be clearly wrong for many if not most cases of suicide. It is true some may be feel it to be an act of “showing others” something, but in many cases it is attributable to self-hate, low self-esteem, self-disgust - many of which are symptoms of a mind gone ill because of innate chemical imbalances. The major cause of suicide is acute, clinical depression - a biological disease, recognized as such by the world’s medical profession.

Have you ever dealt in your entire life with people suffering from this disease or are you merely expressing your personal opinion of what goes through a suicide’s brain? Do you have the inside track based upon something I am not aware of as to how you understand suicide so clearly so as to describe any position opposite yours as simply “invalid”.

I have had to study the disease in university (not from a medical but a legal background) and its effects on decision-making and rationality. I give some of your arguments as to what propels suicide validity but believe you misunderstand the “self-hate” which is at the bottom of many cases of suicide. If you do not understand this, I fail to see how I can convince you otherwise on a computer forum unless you volunteer at a psychiatric clinic and deal with poor souls first-hand and see for yourself whether they are medically ill and in need of treatment or are simply very selfish people in your view who are thinking of committing the ultimate act of “self-love”. I will leave it at that and fail to see how further engagement with you on this point can bear much fruit.

God Bless.

Andrew

 

[geometer]

The major cause of suicide is acute, clinical depression - a biological disease, recognized as such by the world’s medical profession.

Well, you need to research a little deeper, because clinical depression causes quite a bit of somatic pain. Chemical tests have demonstrated that this kind of depression is experienced as pain that can be felt in the body.

It is pain that may persist even longer than profound grief. And it is generally agreed that it is this kind of pain the the victim seeks to escape from.

 

[KyivAndrew]

Well, you need to research a little deeper, because clinical depression causes quite a bit of somatic pain. Chemical tests have demonstrated that this kind of depression is experienced as pain that can be felt in the body.

It is pain that may persist even longer than profound grief. And it is generally agreed that it is this kind of pain the the victim seeks to escape from.

Yes it does. I fail to see how this advances some point. The point is acute self-hate is part of clinical depression in many cases which is a major cause of suicide. I have done quite a bit of research thank you very much and my cousin is the head of the psychiatric department of one of my country’s major hospitals and has quite a bit of knowledge on this disease. I am no stranger to this, but if you feel smarter…O.K. . Are you going to argue as well that all suicides are ultimate acts of self-love?

 

[geometer]

Yes it does. I fail to see how this advances some point. The point is acute self-hate is part of clinical depression in many cases which is a major cause of suicide. I have done quite a bit of research thank you very much and my cousin is the head of the psychiatric department of one of my country’s major hospitals and has quite a bit of knowledge on this disease. I am no stranger to this, but if you feel smarter…O.K. . Are you going to argue as well that all suicides are ultimate acts of self-love?

I have suffered from depression myself and I know many others who have also suffered. I believe that both of you are wrong. The thought of suicide is the result of desperation because of the pain. There is no one so misinformed as a doctor in love with his own ideas.

And most of them will tell you with no embarassment, that they are atheists, and that if there is a god the doctor will say it would have to be himself. Furthermore the standard line from all of them is that everyone in the world is in need of therapy, even all the other doctors, and the doctor himself is the only one in the world sane enough to provide the treatment.

That doctors have a god complex is not a joke. It is the way they really are. I took the time to ask.