jmcrae - can you tell me in a nutshell what the Tribunal stuff is all about, or the preocess? I will go to the priest for more in depth discussion obviously, but I would just like to know roughly what I have ahead of me?
The Tribunal is a group of three judges whose job it is to discern whether your fiancé’s previous marriage was valid, or not.
How they discern this is by interviewing all of the people who were involved in the first wedding, or as many of them as they can track down. They ask them what the state of mind of the couple appeared to be, what words were said in the vows, and conversations about the marriage (ie: did they talk about having kids, did they talk about what the roles of man and woman are, in a marriage, and things like that.)
If they discern that his previous marriage was valid, then there is nothing you can do for yourself, but you can help your kids - your kids can be Catholics, but you can’t. The reason is that you are living with a man who is married to someone else until death they do part. (If his former wife dies, then he is off the hook, and you can go back to the Tribunal with the information that she has died, and then they would verify that with copies of the death certificate, etc., and then they would give you permission to take marriage preparation classes.)
If they discern that his previous marriage was not valid, then they would ascertain that he was not the reason for the marriage being null (if he was, then he would have to solve whatever the problem is, before he would be given permission to consider himself single and available.) After this, they issue him a certificate paper that is called a Declaration of Nullity, which is a paper that says he is a single man who is free to marry. He would then be allowed to start dating you with romantic intentions (but not living with you, yet).
The Tribunal process typically takes about a year or so, and the most common outcome is that they find the marriage to have not been valid. The reason so many marriages today are not valid are because so many couples go into marriage with the intention of limiting the number of children they have, or else they see their spouse as something other than a partner and equal (she will be my student; he will be the father/brother I always wanted, etc.) However, it’s important not to jump ahead of things with the assumption that you will automatically be granted a Declaration of Nullity, because in five percent of cases, the broken marriage
is found to have been valid.
Catholic school starts in kindergarten in Australia, I don’t know if that’s the same everywhere, so for me it is comforting to know that within a year or two they will be experiencing life within the Catholic community on a daily basis with a group of peers they will go through their 12 years of school with, in addition to my efforts as a parent.
That is what I had, it is remembering that safe and supportive environment which helped pull me back
Let us all pray that your children have a safe and happy Catholic childhood.
