It sounds like you are on the right track here. One of the operant things is “Know thyself”, and CLEARLY, your inner self is causing you to be torn. If this was a legitimate affair, you would only be mildly unsure, as are most people, not tied in knots and emotionally exhausted. God and Satan are fighting a mighty battle on your behalf, and you would to well to choose the right thing over passion.
It isn’t an uncommon thing, look at all the posters here with a story. I have one, too. After my husband married someone else, a number of men married to friends of mine started to come around. It’s as if I had the word VULNERABLE written on my forehead. One man, who happened to be helping me to build a new house began to constantly make advances that became very hard to pass up. I was, of course, succumbing to flattery and addressing only my own neediness, but the thought of my friend, his wife, who had instigated the generous offer from her husband to help build me a house, was nagging at me constantly. I came within a hairs’ breadth of making the biggest mistake of my life.
I decided to do the following things: first tell everyone what is happening. I knew I wouldn’t want to look like an idiot if I went back on people’s advise, which is the same as you’re getting here. Also, this kind of thing is accomplished much easier in secret.
Secondly, when it came time to thank them for their generosity, I had my diamond engagement ring made into a necklace and gave it to HER- as a sign of my fidelity to our friendship. This became my own, secret seal, my word, my promise.
Third, I broke off any communication with him as soon as I could, and replaced his “friendship” with people from my faith community and prayer. God will never abandon you if you do the right thing, be assured of that. He will surround you with good.
I never remarried, even though I was only 34 at the time, but I do not regret not being pulled into terrible sin. He found another neighbor in my new area, and had an illegitimate child with her- ruining not only his marriage and family, but also, hers. To this day, no one in town says anything nice about them, and they are very alone in their “love”.
Thank God for giving you a conscience, you will later be able to pat yourself on the back for listening to it and possibly saving your soul.
