Loving and Honoring parents, and admonishing

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andersr915

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Hello!

So, I know Im new to the forum, so let me start by saying I’m sorry if the conduct of this post is incorrect and thank you to all willing to answer my question.

I’m torn by a certain situation Im in and trying to stay within the lines of following God. I recently started taking my faith seriously, and its caused a bit of upheaval in my home, most because of me. Ever since I started reading sacred scripture and studying catholic teachings on sin, Ive been in a bit of shock because of all the sin I’ve let myself fall victim to over the years. I have been giving it my all to repent and have made progress, but now I also bear witness to the sins my family members commit. We are all apart of the same faith (Catholic obviously), but we were always kind of lukewarm. When I let my parents know of sin in a attemptively loving way, they either try to justify it or refuse to repent.

They haven’t taken kindly to it and I have grown considerably distant from them, despite the fact that we live under the same roof, because i refuse to take part in sinful behavior and let my soul suffer. They see what Im doing as me taking the faith “to close to heart”. My question is, while still keeping with the commandment to not only love those around us but also to honor thy mother and father (I still do all that they ask of me so long as it isn’t sinful), would it be better for me to remain distant to silently show them Im unwilling to live in sin despite my love for them (they know this brings great sorrow to me), or better to re-engage them and try to weave the faith into what we do despite that it may come across as irritating?

Thank you all, and God bless.
 
Before any of us answer, it would be helpful to know if you are a minor or not. It matters in how we answer.

But basically, it is not cool to admonish your parents, and not your place. You take care of you.
 
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I’m 19 years of age

Edit: didn’t see the second part. And ok, the only thing is that I wish to spend time with them and love them, but I love God more for certain, and spending time with them usually involves immoral/sinful things, if not acting with them then being exposed to them.
 
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It is hard to answer without more specifics. I don’t know what immoral things you mean, but can’t you just leave the room, or the house? God is not making you responsible for anyone except yourself, especially your parents. Pray for them and lead by example, not by constant admonishing. I am pretty sure they are aware of what they are doing, so they don’t need you to tell them.
 
There’s really no need to admonish your parents on their faith. Their faith, even if lukewarm, brought you to a place beyond the lukewarmness. Your best protocol at this point is to pray for them and discover new books in order to keep in the house. You could casually mention them as you’ve read through them, and I do mean very casually. If they ask what you’re doing when doing something due to your beliefs, explain it, but never directly confront behavior, other than if they cuss (or otherwise sin in an obvious manner, ie gossip). If they cuss, refer to them simply, firmly. If my parents cuss, I’ll say “Mom!” or "Dad!’ but that is it. I refer to my mom as Mom, so in this way, you are still not enabling sin, but also not berating/nagging/admonishing someone either.

You are an adult, but you should still show respect toward your parents (throughout your adult life). Prayer for them is your best starting point. As they notice changes in you, they might slowly warm up to God more, and rise out of the lukewarmness.

Specific ideas: “I’m going to Confession, would you like to go early?” “I’m going to first Friday/Saturday, would you like to come with me?” etc. “Oh, I just finished this book, it has a lot of very interesting information.” “I finished reading this Book in the Bible today, this part lines up with that part of this other Gospel…isn’t that neat?” You can always give them ways to think about their faith while maintaining charity.
 
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Deo gratias that you’ve found a love for the faith!
I’m in a similar situation to you, wherein I’ve recently found my faith and my parents have not (we’re even the same age).
I know how it feels to want to tell your parents of their sins and to get them to repent and come to Church and all that, I struggle sometimes when I am confronted with the magnitude of their sins (everyone sins, but at least those of the Faith acknowledge it), but I’ve kept myself in check because we owe respect to our parents, the absolute best thing we can do is pray for them and ask our Blessed Mother to intercede for them.
It also helps to keep in mind that confronting others with their sins often pushes them away instead of closer. The second best thing to do is to be a good witness to the faith, like attending mass, speaking favorably about it, charitable acts, etc, and with the Spirit’s help their hearts may turn.
We don’t convert others, the Lord does.
And when it comes to the sinful acts they do when you’re spending time with them, I would say the utmost thing is to avoid sin yourself. If whatever they’re doing disturbs you, or leads you to sin, then don’t spend time with them. If they question you about it, (kindly) tell them your issues.
That’s the best we can do, let’s pray for both of our families!
 
Thank you very much and will pray for your family!

That’s kind of the crux of the issue though; most of what we do together is sinful. That’s why I’ve become so distant of them, but they seem to take it as me looking down upon them instead of fearing for them
 
Sorry TheIttyBitty, didn’t see your response at first, and thank you. But it’s just those little things of sin we’ve become so accustomed to. Being away from mass on Sundays and giving into the ways of the world has compromised us to habitual sin
 
Irishmom, well, I dont want to get too much into specifics for fear that I may disgrace them in the process, but I do leave the room and thats the thing: they want me to be around them, and they liked me better when I did sin, when all I did was play videogames (not necessarily a sin but it was for how much time I spent on them and idolized over them), cuss, gossip, joke and likewise.

Edit: They are loving parents, they just don’t like not seeing me happy because they don’t understand I am even if I’m not laughing out loud and the like.
 
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If it’s THAT bad, where everything that’s done together is sinful and leads you to sin, then simply stop spending time with them, as you seem to have done. Loving and honoring God always comes first, and I would say your situation is where Our Lord’s “I bring not peace but a sword…” comes in (Matthew 10), where if something is separating you from God (even loved ones) then it would be better to cut it off than remain in sin.
When they ask/assume why you won’t spend time with them, as respectfully and kindly as possible explain why, and that’s really the best you can do. However, remember that being around sin is not necessarily evil, it becomes bad when their sin leads YOU to sin.
 
Julietteamdg that’s exactly where I’m at. They have made some compromises, but just the day to day things that hurt and make me sorrow over them. I feel, honestly, like The Lord may be telling me “GET OUT”. if that be His will I will do it, but i do see some hope at least in them being willing to compromise, but i know they don’t like it and it ultimately makes them irritated to have to do it, so while they may be doing good, they aren’t doing it for God, they’re doing it for me obligatorily.
 
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Do you have your own vehicle and ability to get to/from Church? …Consider perpetual adoration time regularly, and bring your Bible in order to read Scripture and have a bit of peace outside of the house.
 
TheIttyBitty I do, and I am working, but ill try to attend adoration more regularly. Work hours have been a bit straining, but I do certainly need that. Thank you
 
My heart feels for you, and as I have said I am in a similar situation.
Whatever you feel is the right decision for you to grow closer to the Lord, spend a lot of time praying over it. If you feel you need to leave, pray, pray, and pray and it’ll be made clear to you. Perhaps even the difficult choice of you separating yourself is what brings them to the Lord, only God knows.
When I first entered the faith (year and a half ago I would say), is around the time I left home for university, which was the PERFECT timing for me to deepen in my faith and concentrate on the Lord. The Lord knows exactly what He’s doing when he moves our hearts.
 
Thank you very much, i will devot some more prayer time to it. Likewise, my heart feels for you aswell, I pray that your family turns toward The Lord so you may be happy together once more, and if not, you may find that joy in The Lord wherever He takes you
 
It’s really hard to know how to advise you without knowing what this “sinful” activity is. This could be something really serious or you could be completely overthinking this and blowing something way out of proportion.
 
I was soon to started a thread about this, too. That because I have this same doubts about honoring parents specially in cases where they could gospering about our family issues to others like tell a defect to no family people which doesn’t have any importance in the matter of question or when u want to advice about some behaviour that bothers you.
 
Well, for context sake, its many things. Most conversations revolve around dwelling on bad things of the day if not expressing anger or disdain towards other people, most leisure time is spent in front of the TV with sitcoms and just generally unwholesome content, Sundays we unnecessarily travel and eat out and make others work (perhaps small businesses could be considered charity, but its mostly fast food chains), we take no time together as a family for God, only my Mom is ever willing to go to church with me, but she rarely goes to confession (she says an act of contrition before mass but never actually goes to confession), cussing, using The Lord’s name reductively, etc. I dont say these things to disgrace my parents, for I would not dare act with malice against them, but for the sake of context, i say these things
 
that sounds like an interesting thread. Our Lord tells us to hear his word so that we may be wise and build our houses on a foundation of rock. Obviously I’m being reductive on that quote, but this does apply to families as they are a big part of our lives, so we should talk about these things more perhaps, just be careful on what we share and for what sake we share it
 
My only questions about this topic if we can like correct our parents when they do gossping about us or if I can take the front line when the matter is some family issue that only is reserved to the family members.
 
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