Loving In-Laws

[jeannine3]

My in-laws are difficult for me to love. They are ‘super’ christians, they quotes scripture and always act nice. Everything is passive aggressive. Everything is someone elses fault. No conflicts are ever to be had. Silent treatment and blame. Although they would say its just me being paranoid/depressed/mentally ill.

Since marring into the family 4 years ago my peace has become fleeting. I know my peace should not depend on what they think, how they feel about me etc… Yet I’m always feeling hurt and angry. My husband has wanted to cut them off because of all the hurt they have caused him in the past. This to me doesn’t seem like the ‘loving’ response.

How would we explain it to our kids? My in-laws are so wonderful to them. How could I make peace with myself taking the kids out of their lives…

After these 4 years I’m starting to think maybe I’m the wrong one? Maybe I am the bad ‘christian’ in this situation? How can you focus on Jesus… or growing spiritually … and raising a family when burdened with all this guilt, confusion, and anger?

 

[Owlpride]

They raised the man you love. They can’t be all bad.

 

[nanacat]

Welcome, Jeannine!

I’m on the other side of the equation–I live with my son and MY daughter-in-law. We’ve been living all together for almost 10 years now, and there have been difficult times, especially in the beginning: she is foreign, and a Muslim, and I am a very American woman, I guess, and a committed Catholic. Sometimes we just come up against it…But I try to remember that she is not only my son’s love, but the mother of my two dear grandchildren as well, and for that alone she deserves my respect and understanding.

She is actually away for 10 weeks this summer with the kids, visiting her parents in Jerusalem. I knew I would miss the kids desperately, but I’ve been surprised–and humbled–at how much I miss her as well, even though I talk to her at least once a day and see her on our XBox messenger several times a week. When she comes home I hope I remember that and try to appreciate her more.

It’s difficult if your in-laws are the ‘holy roller’ type you mention. Passive / aggressive is certainly the right psychological term for those who are Christian in form, but not in content. Pharisees, as Jesus complained. Don’t doubt yourself–you’re not mentally ill, you’re just in a hard, life situation. Pray for them. Pray for God to touch their hearts. If they are loving to your kids, that shows that there is love in them somewhere.Maybe your children will be the ones to teach them real joy and real love of Jesus–real understanding of His blessings. AND His Word.

Pray. And I hate to say it, but zip your lip. (My own have unzipped a time or two or twenty over the years, and I have bitterly regretted it each time. Luckily, neither my daughter-in-law or I have the personality to bear anger and bitterness for very long and we always apologize and make peace with one another.) Talk your heart out to Jesus–He’ll comfort you. He’ll either change the situation, or help you find a way to bear it in more peace.