Loving thy neighbor.... Help!

[kittery]

This is such a long story, but I’d like to hear suggestions on how to let go of some anger and bitterness toward a neighbor. A literal neighbor, unfortunately.

The man who owns some property directly behind us, hates it when the leaves from neighboring trees fall into his yard. We have a tree that does just that, and last October he had his lawyer call us and demand we do something about it by noon the next day. This man claims that he had come over to our house and asked us politely to trim back the tree, but that we had completely ignored his request thereby forcing him to get his lawyer involved. Twice we were in contact by phone with his lawyer, and his lawyer would never quote us the law/statute that says it would be our responsibility to trim the tree back.

Our legal research, including the opinions of two lawyers, said that it would be fine for him to trim the tree back, but only to the property line and at his expense. Well, he continued sending us letters ranting on and on about how offensive our tree is to him (he doesnt’ even live there, but rents this place out periodically- his tenants never stay long). My DH got tired of it and went out one Sunday and began trimming back the tree. The very next day the neighbor had a professional trimmer out to trim the tree back, and a week later, sent us the bill for it. At that point, we chose to completely ignore all 3 of his attempts to collect the money from us ($150).

Several weeks went by, and one night at 8pm there was a knock on our door. DH answered and a summons was THROWN at him. Yes. Our neighbor was summoning us to court about this, and had trumped up the amount to over $500 claiming that he would need to replace sod and pay clean-up fees. So we attended the arbitration, where this man called us ignorant, low-lifes, scum, liars, he even tried to smear my DH by saying that he knows my DH is being investigated for theft at his workplace- TOTAL, BLATANT BLASPHEMY!!! All of this over leaves falling onto his side. The branches of our tree overhung his fence by 5 feet- he had this tree trimmed right before we bought the place.

Anyway, we refused to pay anything. He was so angry, and stated that he was going to retract his small claims case and start the whole thing over in civil/circuit court where he had his lawyer as a witness, and where he would add all of his lost wages and attorney’s fees to the suit. I was so upset by this as I cannot imagine wasting my time and energy on something so petty. The neighbor got up and left, and I begged my DH to offer him something so that we could settle this right then and there. We ended up settling for about 1/2 of what he was asking, but left feeling very disgusted by the court system itself and by the fact that we still have this person as a neighbor. This issue has not completely gone away.

Do you think we did the right thing? Should we have stood up to him and let this gone to civil court? I just felt like it wasn’t our time- our marriage has been rocky, I’m in school, we have young children, we’re building a house and selling the one we’re in. I just didn’t want to invite this garbage onto our plate right now. How would some of you have handled this? I know it’s going to come up again in another year, when the leaves fall.

This makes loving thy neighbor seem… impossible. I have prayed for him, but can barely do it.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

You did the right thing for you at the time: paid the nut to shut him up so you could get on with your lives. I think it’s normal to be angry - especially after the harrassment and lies.

Keep praying for forgiveness and stay out of his way. It will come to you in time.

 

[puzzleannie]

ah we had an almost identical situation in our first house, but the tree in question (sycamore, very messy, sheds not only leaves but bark and seed pods “monkey balls” yep my kids chose the name I hope without thinking) was on the tree lawn, and thus city property. It gave us great delight to let the tree do its business, since the city refused to do anything more than trim it on the usual schedule.

I loved that tree. It was a way of being passive aggressive and getting back at the neighbor for her treatment of my kids–she called the cops because 3 yr old left his tricycle on her walk when he ran in to use the bathroom, called the cops when DH played ball in the cul-de-sac with the kids, called the cops when we shovelled our walk only to the property line, not to the end of her hedge (we know it was hers because she told us many times and became furious when we trimmed it on our side.)
She put down mothballs in the hedge which poisoned our cat and nearly poisoned the baby who found one.

not proud of our attitude but it was nice to let the tree speak for us

 

[1ke]

It doesn’t matter what anyone else would have done. It matters only that you regained peace by the path you chose.

Build your house, sell this one, and be rid of him forever.

 

[RubyWannabe]

This is hardly scriptural, but a saying that comforts me nonetheless “When you get kicked by a mule, don’t get offended, just consider the source.” The neighbor obviously has some personal problems. I don’t think I would have settled, but you did, and if it works, more’s the better. I won’t be surprised if he comes up with something later, having found you a ready target, so I’d be prepared to stand my ground on future occasions.

Once, teaching Sunday School, I was teaching 5th graders about the fruit of the spirit from Galatians 5. I asked “which is hardest?” I expected most students to say “self-control.” But Jenny said “Kindness.” I asked, “why kindness?” She replied “Some people are just retards and it is so hard to be kind to them.” Boy, how true. Yet God teaches us that kindness IS one of the fruits of the spririt - fruit requiring cultivation.

If you feel guilty about having less than charitable thoughts about the neighbor, read some of the Psalms. David routinely prayed God’s retribution on his enemies: things like “cast him into a pit from which he cannot rise.” It must not be a grave offence or it would not be in the Bible. Yet, do no offense to your neighbor and your prayers will become softer and more charitable over time.

RubyWannabe

 

[kittery]

Thanks, everyone. I go back and forth about wheter or not it was the right thing to do- paying him off. He got what he wanted, and that was to intimidate us into doing what suited him. He’s a bully and apparently bored enough with life that he eats up time doing stuff like this. He has a reputation for suing almost every tenant who has ever rented from him. He lives behind a locked gate, and now I know why.

I just feel so awful about the whole thing because my DH says he thinks we should have stayed our ground, but that me crying and begging him to give in was what made him fold. And my dad tells me that it was me who this neighbor was trying to intimidate because he knew it wasn’t going to work on my DH. So I feel like it’s my fault that we let the nutty neighbor win and that we should have let it go to court so that the next people that own this place won’t have to deal with this garbage every year. :banghead:

 

[Jeanette_L]

Thanks, everyone. I go back and forth about wheter or not it was the right thing to do- paying him off. He got what he wanted, and that was to intimidate us into doing what suited him. He’s a bully and apparently bored enough with life that he eats up time doing stuff like this. He has a reputation for suing almost every tenant who has ever rented from him. He lives behind a locked gate, and now I know why.

I just feel so awful about the whole thing because my DH says he thinks we should have stayed our ground, but that me crying and begging him to give in was what made him fold. And my dad tells me that it was me who this neighbor was trying to intimidate because he knew it wasn’t going to work on my DH. So I feel like it’s my fault that we let the nutty neighbor win and that we should have let it go to court so that the next people that own this place won’t have to deal with this garbage every year. :banghead:

If you want to really get back at the nasty neighbor, start praying for him. I love bringing God into the equation, shake things up a bit.

You see, when Christ said to pray for our enemies, he meant it. But what happens is that He starts dealing with them, and it really makes them miserable. Of course, in the end, it pays off for everyone. You are obedient and become more like Christ, the enemy is usually transformed by grace (you may not see it in this life, but you will find out eventually ).

Win/win.

But darn is it hard.

 

[kittery]

Jeannette- LOVE that advice!:newidea: God’s been calling me back to a deeper prayer life this Lenten Season. I’ll have to add that intention to the list- with a clean heart.

 

[Jeanette_L]

Jeannette- LOVE that advice!:newidea: God’s been calling me back to a deeper prayer life this Lenten Season. I’ll have to add that intention to the list- with a clean heart.

:hug1: Best to learn the lesson early. God tends to keep sending the same lessons to us over and over until we finally “get it”. I’m a slow learner, so I’ve been round this block quite a few times.

 

[KCtheMommy]

It doesn’t matter what anyone else would have done. It matters only that you regained peace by the path you chose.

Build your house, sell this one, and be rid of him forever.

Amen

 

[KCtheMommy]

Thanks, everyone. I go back and forth about wheter or not it was the right thing to do- paying him off. He got what he wanted, and that was to intimidate us into doing what suited him. He’s a bully and apparently bored enough with life that he eats up time doing stuff like this. He has a reputation for suing almost every tenant who has ever rented from him. He lives behind a locked gate, and now I know why.

I just feel so awful about the whole thing because my DH says he thinks we should have stayed our ground, but that me crying and begging him to give in was what made him fold. And my dad tells me that it was me who this neighbor was trying to intimidate because he knew it wasn’t going to work on my DH. So I feel like it’s my fault that we let the nutty neighbor win and that we should have let it go to court so that the next people that own this place won’t have to deal with this garbage every year. :banghead:

What a sad, sad man.