You are not sinning by having instinctive negative thoughts about someone. Thoughts are only a sin when we entertain and encourage them to develop. It is not uncommon to dislike someone on sight. I struggle with it often. What matters to us is our reaction to these thoughts, and how we actually treat these other people, as well as our other interactions with our neighbors in life.
When I have hateful thoughts about someone, when I hurl mental insults because of some perceived wrong done to me or merely against traffic laws, I stop and pray. I use a Hail Mary, or the Jesus Prayer, as a way to show contrition for this, and condition myself against the venial sin of prejudice. I always confess this sin, even if it has not been a mortal sin for me, because I acknowledge that it is a stumbling block for me. I also treat others with kindness and respect. If someone smelly and homeless bumps into me, I will say “I’m sorry” or if they say it, I will forgive them outwardly, even if I do not feel it in my heart. This is step 1 with loving our neighbor. Some people can love inwardly, people like us must first show our love outwardly and let our actions form our feelings, rather than the other way around.
It helps to pray often. My pastor encourages us to build a healthy prayer life because that is the foundation of personal holiness and giving glory to God. I try to pray in the morning and at night. The more you pray, the more you will be in touch with God. Prayers always use the utmost in respectful language, and so by praying humbly to God, we form more polite feelings about our neighbor.
It may help to find instances where you need to be respectful to others, and build on that. Perhaps your parents, or your boss, or people on the phone. Then imagine every interaction as an opportunity for that same respect. Don’t let anger build up in your heart, out of frustration with others or with yourself. Resolve to pray before your anger takes hold of you. For me, it is impossible to stay angry when I pray. Sometimes I am woken up by arguing next door, I need to say my prayers before I complain, and often, the need to complain will disappear.
Perhaps you can do more for the homeless, the hungry, the disadvantaged in your community. Consider joining the St. Vincent de Paul society, if your parish has a chapter. Ask your pastor how you can serve the needy. When you get to know some people like this, you will begin to see Christ in them and you will feel good about yourself because you have helped them.
You will be in my prayers. God bless you.
