Lukewarm Family

[Amphigoree]

Me and my family are Catholics but not one you’d consider devout or religious.
We’d attend mass and miss a few every now and then.
Pray together every now and then.

But for the past few years they’ve hardly gone to church. I invite them to join me but there are a lot of excuses so mostly I’ve had to go alone.

Confession.
After about 10 years of not going to confession, my dad finally went (because I invited him)
but my mom has not gone to confession since their marriage which is about 23 years ago.

Whether they have a close relationship with God (I’m pretty sure they pray) I can’t really tell, that’s between them and God.
But still I feel like we are so far from what Catholics should be. Recently, I’ve been trying to be a better
Catholic, to fulfill my the obligations, and to build a better relationship with God.

It’s my family that I’m worried about. I try to talk with them about such things but they’d call me a
Sister not as an insult but as a friendly joke. I feel like a hypocrite when I try to talk about God and faith so I’ve stopped, and just keep to myself.

I did share with them the books I’ve read and loved ( books that have helped me turn my life around)
unfortunately they don’t like to read ( Hate would be more appropriate), my Mom most of all.

We don’t even fast,and not ‘not eat meat’ on Fridays. during lent.
My mom says as long as you do good, it’s fine.
Her argument " Love God and love your neighbor being the greatest commandments"

My family is not bad, they are good people and very generous, especially my mom.
And help a lot of people in terms of money.

But I don’t think it’s enough, I want something more for them, to be true Catholics, to be true Disciples of Christ.

I feel as though we’re lukewarm and Jesus hates the lukewarm soul most of all and it scares me.

What should I do?

 

[maryjk]

It sounds like everyone in the family has been lukewarm about the Church. But you are now fired up. And they are still where they were before.

It happens. Not everyone is always on the same page.

Continue to grow in your faith and pray for their reversion.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

It sounds like they are basically protestants. They believe in God, but not in what the church teaches.

Again - all you can do is pray for them and very occasionally comment about what church teaching is.

Peace,
John

 

[Loyal_J]

Buy green scapulars for each person in your family, get them blessed, give them to family member and make them put it in their rooms. Pray the one sentence prayer you need to for them all.

F.Y.I. The green scapular is something Mary gave in an appearance and promised conversion, and a happy death for the people with it in their rooms. They or you must say daily for them this too: Immaculate heart of Mary pray for us now and at the hour of death. It might take years but it will help.

And you MUST go to Sunday mass it is a mortal sin to skip sunday mass on purpose when you know it’s a mortal sin. So take a bus or get a relative to take you…

 

[Loyal_J]

Maybe tell them this bible verse in the Book of Revelation:

Apocalypse (Revelation) Chapter 3 verse 16
“But because you are lukewarm, and neither cold, not hot, I will begin to vomit you out of my mouth.” -Said by God

 

[RoseMary131]

QUOTE=Amphigoree;10247469]. Recently, I’ve been trying to be a better
Catholic, to fulfill my the obligations, and to build a better relationship with God.

My mom says as long as you do good, it’s fine.
Her argument " Love God and love your neighbor being the greatest commandments"

But I don’t think it’s enough, I want something more for them, to be true Catholics, to be true Disciples of Christ.

I feel as though we’re lukewarm and Jesus hates the lukewarm soul most of all and it scares me.

What should I do?

What a blessing you have received in hearing God call you to a closer relationship with Him through His Holy Church. As your family sees the graces of the sacraments working in our life, they may become stronger in their faith and wish to live a more sacramental life.

It is by God’s Grace that each of us can hear His call.

St. Monica wanted more for her husband and for her son, St. Augustine.

It has to be their own desire, not your desire for them. Sometimes we want something for someone and try so hard to share it with them, but they may be turned off by our approach. They may hear you saying, “We (You) are lukewarm. Jesus hates the lukewarm. Jesus hates you.” (Even if you have not expressed the words.)

If your mom has not gone to confession in 23 years, it most likely means she does not see the importance of the sacrament. Expressing the joy you receive after the sacrament may cause her to think about going.

You may bring your mother more fully into the life of the Church through joy and love than through the sharing of the idea that you want them to be “true” Catholics and “true” disciples. She may feel insulted and even less drawn to the Church.

Keep growing closer to Christ and His Church. Keep praying for your family. Ask St. Monica and St. Augustine for their intercessory prayers.

God Bless You.

 

[NPHatton]

I have a similar problem. I was brought up a Catholic, through my Mother, however my parents actually divorced. I have been going to Mass and praying, trying to live the lifestyle and attending local young catholic groups, however there aren’t that many in my area and I am feeling increasingly alienated and under attack for trying to keep my faith. My father has “remarried” but I have tried to explain that I do not accept this because of my faith… This just gets ignored and people and things are forced on me that I really have no desire to accept because of my conscience. I really feel isolated and under attack alot of the time. I keep in touch with people from my school which was catholic but none of them are interested in going to church or reconnecting with their faith. There are very few people of my age that go to my local church (I am 27) and my sister is simply not interested either. So I do feel very alone. Maybe this is just part of the persecution that Catholics have traditionally suffered throughout European history?

I am English, by the way. So I presume that society is slightly different here, to other countries in the world. But what I am trying to say is you’re not alone, and there is no point in trying to beat yourself up, just do the best that you can under the circumstances. I am kind of just grateful for the fact that I can go to Mass every week, I see it as a joyous occasion and gives me great peace of mind. Throughout history on this continent, this hasn’t always been the case.

 

[Amphigoree]

It sounds like they are basically protestants. They believe in God, but not in what the church teaches.

Again - all you can do is pray for them and very occasionally comment about what church teaching is.

Peace,
John

Thank you for your comment.
I guess I’ll just keep praying then.

 

[Amphigoree]

Buy green scapulars for each person in your family, get them blessed, give them to family member and make them put it in their rooms. Pray the one sentence prayer you need to for them all.

F.Y.I. The green scapular is something Mary gave in an appearance and promised conversion, and a happy death for the people with it in their rooms. They or you must say daily for them this too: Immaculate heart of Mary pray for us now and at the hour of death. It might take years but it will help.

And you MUST go to Sunday mass it is a mortal sin to skip sunday mass on purpose when you know it’s a mortal sin. So take a bus or get a relative to take you…

I don’t mind if it takes a lifetime.
I’m going to have to buy seven and hide it in their rooms.
Thanks for the advice.

I always attend Sunday mass nowadays. But thanks for the reminder, I didn’t know it was a mortal sin.

 

[Amphigoree]

Maybe tell them this bible verse in the Book of Revelation:

Apocalypse (Revelation) Chapter 3 verse 16
“But because you are lukewarm, and neither cold, not hot, I will begin to vomit you out of my mouth.” -Said by God

Um, I don’t really know how to go about telling them that verse directly…I’ll try to find a way to bring it up though. Thank you.

 

[God_love_you]

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like my family.

I’m married and have a baby on the way, so my family is now the little family that I’m forming into a domestic church. But I still care very deeply for my parents and brothers, who are all lukewarm… at best.

My mother is very much like you describe: simplifies religious truths to the point where everyone is basically good (God loves everyone so he’ll be happy with you no matter what).

The funny thing is that they go to Mass every week and have brought me up in the faith quite well. For some reason, God saw it fit to reveal to me an unquenchable thirst for the Truth as revealed through His Church. They can’t see this fire and I believe that they look at me as naive and prideful, as if I’m trying to be better than the average Catholic.

Anyway, MY ADVICE from experience is this: you cannot approach luke-warm Catholics/family members in a luke-warm way. Gentleness is actually what they’re used to. I have put my faith in revealing the miraculous, the mysterious, and inexplicable wonder that is God. I have told my brother stories of healings and miracles through the veneration of relics, I have told my parents the joy of communing with God on retreats through silent prayers, I have spoken about the joy and freedom of being open to life and putting one’s entire life in God’s hand.

I’ve concluded that bold witnessing is what converts souls, not appealing to the intellect. Because in the end, grasping the faith with heroic discipleship is not comfortable, not easy, and contradicts the prevailing thought of the world. Saint Paul says we should seek to convert people with FEARLESS LOVE; that means putting it all out there and even daring yourself to throw down your net and follow HIM!

God love you!

 

[Amphigoree]

What a blessing you have received in hearing God call you to a closer relationship with Him through His Holy Church. As your family sees the graces of the sacraments working in our life, they may become stronger in their faith and wish to live a more sacramental life.

It is by God’s Grace that each of us can hear His call.

St. Monica wanted more for her husband and for her son, St. Augustine.

It has to be their own desire, not your desire for them. Sometimes we want something for someone and try so hard to share it with them, but they may be turned off by our approach. They may hear you saying, “We (You) are lukewarm. Jesus hates the lukewarm. Jesus hates you.” (Even if you have not expressed the words.)

If your mom has not gone to confession in 23 years, it most likely means she does not see the importance of the sacrament. Expressing the joy you receive after the sacrament may cause her to think about going.

You may bring your mother more fully into the life of the Church through joy and love than through the sharing of the idea that you want them to be “true” Catholics and “true” disciples. She may feel insulted and even less drawn to the Church.

Keep growing closer to Christ and His Church. Keep praying for your family. Ask St. Monica and St. Augustine for their intercessory prayers.

God Bless You.

Yes, it is truly a blessing. It took me 18 years to hear God’s call so I guess I shouldn’t expect it to happen to them in an instant.

I see your point, telling them directly such ideas would be very insulting on their part.
I’ll try a more subtle approach, one that isn’t going to drive them further away,
“Through joy and love” then.

I will keep praying for all of us to be closer to God.

Thank you very much.
Gob bless you too.

 

[Amphigoree]

I have a similar problem. I was brought up a Catholic, through my Mother, however my parents actually divorced. I have been going to Mass and praying, trying to live the lifestyle and attending local young catholic groups, however there aren’t that many in my area and I am feeling increasingly alienated and under attack for trying to keep my faith. My father has “remarried” but I have tried to explain that I do not accept this because of my faith… This just gets ignored and people and things are forced on me that I really have no desire to accept because of my conscience. I really feel isolated and under attack alot of the time. I keep in touch with people from my school which was catholic but none of them are interested in going to church or reconnecting with their faith. There are very few people of my age that go to my local church (I am 27) and my sister is simply not interested either. So I do feel very alone. Maybe this is just part of the persecution that Catholics have traditionally suffered throughout European history?

I am English, by the way. So I presume that society is slightly different here, to other countries in the world. But what I am trying to say is you’re not alone, and there is no point in trying to beat yourself up, just do the best that you can under the circumstances. I am kind of just grateful for the fact that I can go to Mass every week, I see it as a joyous occasion and gives me great peace of mind. Throughout history on this continent, this hasn’t always been the case.

Well my friend, let me say the same thing to you, you’re not alone as well so don’t feel that you’re alone. And don’t let them change you, I do not have the privilege of carrying a cross like that but I wish you strength to endure all those attacks.

I’ll do my best as well.
God bless!

 

[Amphigoree]

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like my family.

I’m married and have a baby on the way, so my family is now the little family that I’m forming into a domestic church. But I still care very deeply for my parents and brothers, who are all lukewarm… at best.

My mother is very much like you describe: simplifies religious truths to the point where everyone is basically good (God loves everyone so he’ll be happy with you no matter what).

The funny thing is that they go to Mass every week and have brought me up in the faith quite well. For some reason, God saw it fit to reveal to me an unquenchable thirst for the Truth as revealed through His Church. They can’t see this fire and I believe that they look at me as naive and prideful, as if I’m trying to be better than the average Catholic.

Anyway, MY ADVICE from experience is this: you cannot approach luke-warm Catholics/family members in a luke-warm way. Gentleness is actually what they’re used to. I have put my faith in revealing the miraculous, the mysterious, and inexplicable wonder that is God. I have told my brother stories of healing and miracles through the veneration of relics, I have told my parents the joy of communing with God on retreats through silent prayers, I have spoken about the joy and freedom of being open to life and putting one’s entire life in God’s hand.

I’ve concluded that bold witnessing is what converts souls, not appealing to the intellect. Because in the end, grasping the faith with heroic discipleship is not comfortable, not easy, and contradicts the prevailing thought of the world. Saint Paul says we should seek to convert people with FEARLESS LOVE; that means putting it all out there and even daring yourself to throw down your net and follow HIM!

God love you!

Witnessing, so I have to share my experiences and all that people have experienced, instead of what I’ve learned. I think that’s great, stories are much easier to relate to as well as understand.

Speaking isn’t really my strong suit, but just as you say, I have to put it all out there.
It all seems really hard, but I won’t give up.

Thanks for sharing with me your experience. May your little domestic church be showered with God’s blessings.

 

[God_love_you]

Thank you!

And may the showers of God’s grace soak you as the waters of baptism sealed you! Pray, “Come, Holy Spirit” (a very very ancient prayer of our Faith) and He will give you words!

God speed!

 

[kmj217]

I can also understand your situation. I was not regularly attending mass (i should say i wasn’t attending at all) about 3 years ago along with my sisters, mom, dad, and step parents. It wasn’t until I got a job at a Catholic school with my aunt that i began thinking about my faith again. I have not missed a day since then. Then through much prayer and of course the grace of God, my mom has not missed a day in about a year, my step dad and sisters are beginning to go again (off and on) and my dad and step mom have been attending a methodist church (better than not going at all )

It may take time but never stop praying for them and by your example and God’s love they will come around. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless

 

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[Amphigoree]

I can also understand your situation. I was not regularly attending mass (i should say i wasn’t attending at all) about 3 years ago along with my sisters, mom, dad, and step parents. It wasn’t until I got a job at a Catholic school with my aunt that i began thinking about my faith again. I have not missed a day since then. Then through much prayer and of course the grace of God, my mom has not missed a day in about a year, my step dad and sisters are beginning to go again (off and on) and my dad and step mom have been attending a methodist church (better than not going at all )

It may take time but never stop praying for them and by your example and God’s love they will come around. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless

Yup, we’re pretty much in the same boat, except there hasn’t been much change with my family. I’ll keep praying. I’m sure God has His own beautiful plan in our lives, so I’ll keep waiting. Thank you very much for your prayers.

God bless you as well.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I feel as though we’re lukewarm and Jesus hates the lukewarm soul most of all and it scares me.

What should I do?

I do my best to lead by example. I don’t shy away from talking about Mass and religious topics. If they schedule something when we’re going to Mass, I let them know that’s why we’re going to be late, and when they tell me it’s okay to skip it just once, I explain to them that it’s not.

Although I like the idea of boldly witnessing to them, I know that won’t work with my family and friends. I don’t force religious discussions on them, but anytime I’m able to come up with a funny or amusing story about going to Mass, Confession or whatever, I make sure to tell them. I want them to see how much joy my faith brings to me and that actively living my faith doesn’t detract from any other aspect of my life.

When they do chose to get argumentative over some religious point or topic, I don’t back down but I don’t raise my voice, resort to name-calling, insult them or their views (don’t resort to their tactics, in other words); instead, I refute them with facts. They come from the same background I do, so they experienced the same years of poor catechesis that I did. I understand where their wrong viewpoints come from and I try to enlighten them as opposed to putting them down for not being as knowledgeable as they ought to be.

I don’t know that I’ve had a huge impact, but I’ve seen some results, not just with them but with some of my friends as well. Sure, some of them might respond positively if I jumped in their faces over these things, but too many more of them would turn away and shut me off. They’re definitely the sort of flies more attracted to honey than vinegar, so I stick with that approach.

 

[Amphigoree]

I do my best to lead by example. I don’t shy away from talking about Mass and religious topics. If they schedule something when we’re going to Mass, I let them know that’s why we’re going to be late, and when they tell me it’s okay to skip it just once, I explain to them that it’s not.

Although I like the idea of boldly witnessing to them, I know that won’t work with my family and friends. I don’t force religious discussions on them, but anytime I’m able to come up with a funny or amusing story about going to Mass, Confession or whatever, I make sure to tell them. I want them to see how much joy my faith brings to me and that actively living my faith doesn’t detract from any other aspect of my life.

When they do chose to get argumentative over some religious point or topic, I don’t back down but I don’t raise my voice, resort to name-calling, insult them or their views (don’t resort to their tactics, in other words); instead, I refute them with facts. They come from the same background I do, so they experienced the same years of poor catechesis that I did. I understand where their wrong viewpoints come from and I try to enlighten them as opposed to putting them down for not being as knowledgeable as they ought to be.

I don’t know that I’ve had a huge impact, but I’ve seen some results, not just with them but with some of my friends as well. Sure, some of them might respond positively if I jumped in their faces over these things, but too many more of them would turn away and shut me off. They’re definitely the sort of flies more attracted to honey than vinegar, so I stick with that approach.

I now make the effort to wake them up early during Sundays so they won’t feel too lazy to go to Mass. They’ve been going with me and that’s great.

Lent is coming up soon and you’re right, I should lead by example, so I’m going to make sure that we follow the whole no meat and fasting practices. Maybe even invite them to mass on Ash Wednesday.

Also, my dad invited my mom to go confession, but she jokingly argued that she confesses directly to God, I can’t find any “solid” biblical reference about confessing to priests. What do you think I should say to convince her to go to confession?

Thanks for your help.
Gob bless!