Lust and pre-marital intimacy

[fugadux]

Hello!

I’ve been in a relationship for 1,5 months and in the beginning we had some difficulty remaining totally chaste, we kissed passionately and things like that until I said I didn’t want us to do that and got my act together and went to Confession. My question is where the line goes for lust, at the moment whenever I start feeling I’m about to get aroused I first start by resisting the urge with my will and withdraw if it doesn’t go away, but sometimes I don’t notice that I’m starting to get an erection and when I notice I always fight it. Is it lust or is it part of the “normal” struggle to remain chaste before marriage? When I’ve discussed it with my priest he has said it’s perfectly normal, but since I’ve also had a quite serious case of the scruples in the past I’m not 100% sure as to the ability of my conscience to make discernments.

In Christ, through Mary,
David

 

[Julian0404]

First, go to www.queenship.org and get the booklet IN THE END MY IMMACULATE HEART WILL TRIUMPH.

Second, listen to your priest. He is correct. If you are confused as to what is “a sin”, go to him and he lead you to the correct path.

Third, lust begins in the heart, your desire to sin. Then it is magnified by the mind/intellect as you think “of-about-on” the sin and plan to initiate the sin. And finally, it is brought to completion in the body.

So, the booklet above should help you turn your heart from the desire to sin.

Praying the St. Michael the Archangel prayer, “everytime” a desire begins to arise within you (and no pun intended, I am not refering to an erection, but rather a wish for sin) is a very great aid in defeating the devils that are at that moment tempting you. The temptation can be in any innocent form, but you will know when something has triggered your inclincation to move toward sin. The St. Michael Prayer was written by Pope Leo when he was given a vision of the future battle between heaven and hell. It works to defeat satan and the devils.

Finally, to avoid the “near occassion of sin” begin a relationship with ground rules. This will also help you judge the lady you are interested in. State the case up front, and their reaction will be a leading indicator as to whether you want to continue.

 

[teachccd]

Julian0404 gave you some excellent advice. I would just add that the feelings that you have are the normal urges that you will have with someone that you are attracted to and can eventually marry. If you did not have those feelings you would have to ask yourself if she was the right person for you. Intamcy in a marriage is very important so you definitely want the attraction in that aspect. So just know that it will be a struggle and fine lines of thoughts might be crossed but through prayer, persistence and the sacraments you can enjoy a loving relationship without the fear of sin. And I second the advice of listening to your priest as he knows more details and can guide you along… God bless… teachccd

 

[RJeremy]

someone needs a cold shower. you will be buried in fire and brimstone if you don’t fix things right now.

fire…
brimstone…

think about it.

 

[fugadux]

Julian0404 and teachccd: Thanks for the responses, I will follow what my confessor has told me. Just wanted to check.

RJeremy: Do you really think that you are helping? I mentioned that I have had a serious case of the scruples. If what I have done is wrong then please explain why and how it is wrong and don’t just make references to eternal punishment…

 

[fugadux]

Julian0404: I had to mention something, it’s not as though I have a desire to sin, I am firmly resolved since previous confessions not to commit the sin of lust which I have perceived as the will’s assent to fornication or illicit sexual acts in the mind. I don’t really have any raging sexual thoughts or anything, it’s more on the emotional level which seems to happen “automatically” and in opposition to my will. That is also why I’m finding it difficult to know whether it’s sin or not. Since we got some basic ground rules in the relationship there has been nothing but hugs and easy kisses. Maybe I’m just wired in a weird way…

I’m consecrated to the Blessed Virgin by means of the Brown Scapular which I wear constantly, I attend daily Mass and pray my Rosary daily. I’ve had serious problems with lust in the past, but steadily I have improved by the grace of God in His Sacraments. I don’t want to mess up my salvation over such trivial things as sex…

 

[Antrim]

We have to be very careful and always be on guard against sins of the flesh when we are keeping company.
Your Consience will tell you when you are doing wrong. No passionet kissing No french kissing or any thing that would cause your girlfriend to become aroused. That is forbidden.
Say the Rosary every day and an Our Father and three Hail Mary’s and ask our Blessed Mother to keep you pure.
Here is a prayer to our Blessed mother and by saying ot every day it will help keep you good.
Take my hand O Blessed Mother
Hold me firmly lest I fall
I grow nervous while walking and
Humbly on Thee call

Guide me over every crossing
Watch me when I’m on the stairs
Let me know that you’re beside me
Listen to my fervent prayers.

Bring me to my destination
Safely along the way
Bless my every undertaking
And my duties for the day

And when evening creeps upon me
I’ll never fear to be alone
Once again O Blessed Mother
Take my hand and lead me home

Antrim

 

[Ponyguy]

Is it lust or is it part of the “normal” struggle to remain chaste before marriage?
In Christ, through Mary,
David

David, that “lust” of anxiety itself is part of the normal struggle, and rightly so. If you weren’t anxious, there would be something terribly wrong with you.

Every little kid wants to open their presents before Christmas comes. Little kids don’t realize what they do, and sometimes they do mistakenly open their gifts early. As kids grow older and grow up, they begin to realize that they would be spoiling their Christmas by rushing the act. I remember one time I actually did sneak open a Christmas gift early, and it really did spoil my Christmas day.

Your wedding day is the “Christmas morning” of your married life. Keep your wits about you (and your zipper closed) until you celebrate your “Christmas morning” with your bride; it’ll be worth your wait.

 

[Bookcat]

Read

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” Under pure intent… it would mean that the kind of starting to enjoy that starts to happen…before consent…one finds oneself starting down that road…which can just happen at times…but then one catches oneself and does not consent…for to consent to such is already a sin…I mention this cause one can not even begin to consent…that would be sinful…but do not scruple either!!!)

Remember Direct Sexual Pleasure outside of marriage is grave matter for mortal sin and so not “seek sexual pleasure” which actually can begin before or consent to it if it should happen…

Indirect sexual pleasure is when it is not sought …but happens when one is doing some other good thing for a good reason…this is not sinful…if one does not intend it or consent to it if it spontaneously happens…

But of course do not scruple either (feel free to PM me if you have a question)

Remember for mortal sin one needs also full knowledge and complete consent

…form your conscience (as I see you are doing) and work on the virtues of Temperance in general, Chastity and Modesty…all guided by love and prudence.

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm#II

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm#I

 

[Bookcat]

OOPs

That should read:

Remember Direct Sexual Pleasure outside of marriage is grave matter for mortal sin so do not “seek sexual pleasure” ( or consent to it if it should happen…)

Indirect sexual pleasure is when it is not sought …but happens when one is doing some other good thing for a good reason…this is not sinful…if one does not intend it or consent to it if it spontaneously happens…