Lust Directed Towards Men

[edarlitrix]

Hello,

I searched for some threads on lust vs love and found that it is usually about a man who has problems being attracted or lustful towards women. But as a woman who is visual and can have difficulty restraining the desire to think of or look at men in a disrespectful way, I would just really like some advice on how to love these men rather than be lustful.

One thing I am wondering is how would you feel (whether man or woman) if someone you were not attracted to thought of you in a lustful manner? Would you find that disturbing or maybe even flattering?

and how about if someone you are attracted to thinks of you in a lustful fashion, again would you perhaps feel that your dignity is being violated despite the mutual attraction?

Furthermore I have a tendency to completely shut down and refuse to make eye contact with, interact with, or even look at men to whom I find myself attracted. To me this is wrong, and is not love, for I remember one young man told me how hurt he was when this girl he had a crush on refused to even acknowledge him. I don’t want to hurt anybody by ignoring him out of fear of my own sexuality. But at the same time I do not want to increase my attraction to someone which tends to happen if I dare to interact with him in person. It is a difficult situation and I will feel stupid if someone else has already posted this, but perhaps it needs to be readdressed, for indeed I find that my sexuality becomes internalized and I merely live in a fantasy world, unable to communicate in reality to any man I am attracted to. It can be very destructive as I begin to despair that God can forgive me after repeated failures to genuinely love these people.

 

[Nelka]

Women looking at me lustfully?

It wouldn’t bother me if a woman looked at me like that but I have had homosexual men stare at me and certain parts of my body, that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable as it is so unnatural.

“Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity.” – Saint Augustine

 

[on_the_hill]

I can sort of empathize with you and have similar feelings but not quite identical.
(I’m a guy).

 

[JamalChristophr]

For any person to be lustful is wrong and a sin- man or woman.

You should pray about it. Ask God for the Grace you need and immerse yourself in scripture. Lust leads to unhappiness. It does not come from God.

 

[808Catholic]

Hello,

I searched for some threads on lust vs love and found that it is usually about a man who has problems being attracted or lustful towards women. But as a woman who is visual and can have difficulty restraining the desire to think of or look at men in a disrespectful way, I would just really like some advice on how to love these men rather than be lustful.

One thing I am wondering is how would you feel (whether man or woman) if someone you were not attracted to thought of you in a lustful manner? Would you find that disturbing or maybe even flattering?

and how about if someone you are attracted to thinks of you in a lustful fashion, again would you perhaps feel that your dignity is being violated despite the mutual attraction?

Furthermore I have a tendency to completely shut down and refuse to make eye contact with, interact with, or even look at men to whom I find myself attracted. To me this is wrong, and is not love, for I remember one young man told me how hurt he was when this girl he had a crush on refused to even acknowledge him. I don’t want to hurt anybody by ignoring him out of fear of my own sexuality. But at the same time I do not want to increase my attraction to someone which tends to happen if I dare to interact with him in person. It is a difficult situation and I will feel stupid if someone else has already posted this, but perhaps it needs to be readdressed, for indeed I find that my sexuality becomes internalized and I merely live in a fantasy world, unable to communicate in reality to any man I am attracted to. It can be very destructive as I begin to despair that God can forgive me after repeated failures to genuinely love these people.

Remember that God is within everyone and try to see God in them and remind yourself that your body is not your own but on loan from God.

 

[rcwitness]

I have gone through lots of periods of lust. Thinking of women sexually. I am married and realize that my heart is adulterous! Its just a fact. But I get up from my foolishness by conversion of the Holy Spirit who continues to convict me over and over.

My recent encounters (texting) with a female friend, from when I was only 5 yrs old, has brought me into a deep study of Matrimony because she is engaged to a man who is divorced. I have realized that God has strengthened my true love for my wife through the commands of Marriage being until death and we are to remain married no matter what happens, even if cheated on or abused or even abandened!

It is exactly how Christ is always open to our reconciliation! We are joined as one flesh until our death.

Sorry that this may seem off key, but to me it has raised me out of lust.

 

[ChibiViolet]

I feel embarrassed, creeped out and or scared if I even think someone is sexually attracted to me, depending on who they are. I do not want that kind of attention and am thankful that this does not happen often.

Although most men tend to feel much differently about this (I myself being a woman,) lust is still of grave matter and should be avoided. As far as avoiding eye-contact with and even refusing to acknowledge men you find attractive, that sounds extreme. Are you sure this is to avoid lust, or just temptation to lust because of how you feel? To have a sexual feeling is not a sin–only to will and or bask in it. However, if such times are near occasions of mortal sin for you than it is worth seeming uncharitable towards them as your soul is worth much more than their feelings.

 

[edarlitrix]

Thank you everyone… all that you have said is helpful in its own little way.

I was at daily Mass and I heard the reading where Jesus said to Paul, “Why are you persecuting me?” and He was talking about the church, the body of Christ. To persecute or do something to the body of Christ is to do it to Jesus himself. So I sort of had an epiphany that, if I am being lustful or impure towards a fellow Christian (and even to a non-Christian, though for slightly different reasons perhaps), I am doing this to Christ. That sort of makes it more disgusting than otherwise, and in order to deal with it appropriately, one must work on increasing ones affection and love for Christ, and a sincere concern and respect for others will follow.

Thank you again, it is a relief to not be judged and shunned on these forums but rather encouraged and welcomed. “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God” (Romans 15.7).