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mrs_abbott
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Why is it wrong to feel lust toward your spouse? We love each other with all our hearts but also have a “lust feeling” towards each other, especially when performing the “marital act”. 
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Ham1
Guest
That’s not lust. Lust would be a disordered desire for your spouse. The strong attraction to your spouse is a good and holy thing and has nothing to do with lust.Why is it wrong to feel lust toward your spouse? We love each other with all our hearts but also have a “lust feeling” towards each other, especially when performing the “marital act”.
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mrs_abbott
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Someone told me that I was feeling lust and that it was wrong to feel that way.
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PennitentMan
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I would say that lust is when you objectify your spouse…when you use his/her body only for our physical enjoyment, either during intimacy, or when you are alone.Someone told me that I was feeling lust and that it was wrong to feel that way.
It sounds like what you two are feeling is mutual attraction/arousal and that is wonderfully good and healthy!
PM
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mrs_abbott
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We DO get physical enjoyment out of each other’s bodies when we perform the marital act. It’s a combination of love and lust, mostly love though. Sometimes we have a “spur of the moment” session together because of our attraction for each other.I would say that lust is when you objectify your spouse…when you use his/her body only for our physical enjoyment, either during intimacy, or when you are alone.
It sounds like what you two are feeling is mutual attraction/arousal and that is wonderfully good and healthy!
PM
I think there’s a sense of evil surrounding the word “lust” and whenever it’s mentioned, it’s automatically assumed that wrong-doing exists.
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davidv
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Lust as defined by the Church is not what you discribed: From the Catholic Encyclopedia: LustWe DO get physical enjoyment out of each other’s bodies when we perform the marital act. It’s a combination of love and lust, mostly love though. Sometimes we have a “spur of the moment” session together because of our attraction for each other.
I think there’s a sense of evil surrounding the word “lust” and whenever it’s mentioned, it’s automatically assumed that wrong-doing exists.
The inordinate craving for, or indulgence of, the carnal pleasure which is experienced in the human organs of generation. The wrongfulness of lust is reducible to this: that venereal satisfaction is sought for either outside wedlock or, at any rate, in a manner which is contrary to the laws that govern marital intercourse. Every such criminal indulgence is a mortal sin, provided of course, it be voluntary in itself and fully deliberate. This is the testimony of St. Paul in the Epistle to the Galatians, v. 19:
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Lazerlike42
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That’s because lust is always evil. However, what you are describing is not lust. What you are describing could better be called passion. Lust occurs when one person objectifies another person, looking at them only as an object for enjoyment, and not as a person themself. Lust does not mean sexual enjoyment. Sexual enjoyment is fine. Lust would be if you were not recognizing that your husband is a person, and that he has dignity, rather than acting as though he is just something to get a kick out of.We DO get physical enjoyment out of each other’s bodies when we perform the marital act. It’s a combination of love and lust, mostly love though. Sometimes we have a “spur of the moment” session together because of our attraction for each other.
I think there’s a sense of evil surrounding the word “lust” and whenever it’s mentioned, it’s automatically assumed that wrong-doing exists.
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mrs_abbott
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So what can turn the marital act into lust?
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Lazerlike42
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Being unmarried, or lacking love while doing it in marriage.
Also, doing it in unnatural ways, such as um… not putting things in the right places.
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PennitentMan
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I think it’s more like the “Inordinate desire” factor, as mentioned in the CCC.
When the desire becomes twisted, unnatural and self-gratifying.
Feeling intense desire is fine in marriage, as in your case.
Lusting is when you turn the other person in to an object solely for your own, selfish gratification. You take the sharing and love out of the act.
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cpayne
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From the sounds of things, I also think your husband should raise his hands toward heaven and thank God every day.
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PennitentMan
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mrs_abbott
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so masturbation equals lust?
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mrs_abbott
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He knows.
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Mirror_Mirror
Guest
I think that once you get into this the question is whether or not the man “finishes” inside his wife.
Fr. Stan Fortunado once asked a bishop what is allowed as foreplay in a marriage and the bishop responded that the couple could swing from the ceiling fans
if they wanted as long as the husband finishes inside his wife.
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Mirror_Mirror
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catholicmessage
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Masturbation is an expression of lust. Lust is a result of disregarding the unitive or procreative ends of the marital act. Using contraception is an expression of lust, objectifying your spouse is an expression of lust, and many other things are also expressions of lust.
What you have described is not lust. Even if pleasure is the motivating factor for engaging in the marital act, lust is only present if one or both spouses engages in the act **only for the purpose of physical gratification. **
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StCsDavid
Guest
You might enjoy what I recently wrote in my blog on the topic. Also the subject has been batted around a bit here before. Here’s a link to a thread where the subject came up.Why is it wrong to feel lust toward your spouse? We love each other with all our hearts but also have a “lust feeling” towards each other, especially when performing the “marital act”.
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thechrismyster
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the ideas expressed on this website are people’s opinions, and just like real life, there are a small number of correct people, and a LOT of incorrect people.Someone told me that I was feeling lust and that it was wrong to feel that way.
take the views people give on Catholic Answers with the same authority as wikipedia, very little unless it’s an apologist doing the typing.
otherwise, you’re simply reading random opinions that could seriously warp your views in the right circumstances.
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LovedForever
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So true. It is not “making love” when one of the spouses engages in the act soley for the pleasure of it and disregards his/her spouse, their pleasure or feelings.
I think it’s pretty obvious in such an intimate setting when that is occuring.
I do think that “passion” gets mixed up with “lust” too often. Especially with Catholics.
It is right and GOOD to have passion for your spouse!
That is how God designed it.
Passion makes us intensely desire our spouse BOTH physically and emotionally. THAT - is making love.
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