Lust problem

[bmagana]

I been married for 15 years, but i think that i may have be lusting after my wife without me consciously knowing about it, but now that i am aware, i want to get rid of it, and i am afraid it might be a deep seated thing, how can i get rid of it?

 

[ChrisRedfield47]

Pray the Rosary every day, and itll go away. Trust me, I know about it.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I don’t understand your problem. If you have a healthy marriage, especially after 15 years, you are supposed to sexually desire her, There is nothing sinful about that. If you, or your wife, do not desire each other in that way, there is something basically wrong with your situation. Unless both of you have taken a joint vow of celibacy, without mutual physical desire. there is something wrong with your marriage and you should seek counselling.
Desiring ones spouse sexually is one of the foundation stones of a healthy marriage. Even a priest will tell you that.

 

[bmagana]

Well, what i mean is that i was reading about chastity in marriage, and when i read the part where you should not lust after the wife ( intercourse just for the mere sexual pleasure) that is When a light bulb went off in my head, that such behavior is not right, and i have to correct it.

 

[underacloud]

It depends on what you mean by “lust”.

Lust in the colloquial sense of “sexual desire” is perfectly fine. Sex for the sake of pleasure is fine, as long as it’s not deprived of its unitive (which includes the pleasure part anyway) and procreative purposes.

Lust in the Catholic definition is disordered desire for sex. There is nothing disordered in loving your wife and enjoying the pleasure that sex brings you both.

Read this from the Catechism:

"2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."145 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.146

2363 The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple’s spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family.

The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity."

 

[AthenaC]

Well, once you are married, “lust” is reclassified as “marital passion” when directed at your spouse. So you’re fine.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I been married for 15 years, but i think that i may have be lusting after my wife without me consciously knowing about it, but now that i am aware, i want to get rid of it, and i am afraid it might be a deep seated thing, how can i get rid of it?

In addition to my prior remarks, I think your problem shows the dangers of interpreting Catholic doctrine without assistance from a priest. Since Vatican II, this has been a common problem amongst the laity and has caused a lot of misinformation and grief.
Why don’t you discuss this with the priest the next time you go to confession. You might want to take a print out of these replies with you.

 

[animalis]

Why don’t you discuss this with the priest the next time you go to confession. You might want to take a print out of these replies with you.

These days, priests are in ignorance in number of areas within faith and morals. That was and still is the fruit of our seminaries. I would say that the OP has a nobel end in view and he should seek his answers through prayer and the documents from the Vatican, what the Vatican recommends, and primary the bible and the Catechism. Verbum domini says, “In this dialogue with God we come to understand ourselves and we discover an answer to our heart’s deepest questions. The word of God in fact is not inimical to us; it does not stifle our authentic desires, but rather illuminates them, purifies them and brings them to fulfilment.” (n. 23)

This is a subtile issue and I think God is calling the soul to greater conversion, to toss away objects of love from the created world (the things we lust for with money) and to subject those loves to the love of the uncreated. That way you make relations with the wife a holy encounter because the heart is in the right place and not so much in the world.

 

[clem456]

Well, once you are married, “lust” is reclassified as “marital passion” when directed at your spouse. So you’re fine.

This is not so. Not all marital passion is rightly ordered. Lust can invade a marriage. If your desire does not respect the dignity of your spouse in some way, or treats your spouse as an object, then it is lust. That being said, it is normal and healthy to have strong sexual attraction to your spouse, and you should not be too scrupulous in this area. It takes two…if one is unwilling, there is your answer in pusuing your desire at that moment.

 

[hannajomar]

If you feel that you have been using your wife sexually, you might just try to focus more on her during relations. For example, when you engage in relations, go into it with the mindset of pleasing her as much as you possibly can.

Have you spoken to your wife about this? Does she also feel you have been guilty of lust towards her?

I’ll repeat what others have written that lust is not always the same thing as being sexually attracted to your wife. The answer to the problem of lust is not to reduce sexuality.