Lust

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Darran

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First of all, I really have to say quite how far outside of my comfort zone it is for me to post this, but I desperately need any prayers and advice that anyone could give me.

I’m 19, strongly considering the priesthood (have been for the past lot of years since first going to Medjugorje) but I have a disgusting habit of…I can’t even type it! Lone sins against chastity. I absolutely hate it, but I am having real trouble stopping it. I find confession (which I manage to confess by the grace of God and nothing else) a very powerful weapon. A confession protects me for a week, but after that I am too brittle. I try to pinch myself everytime my thoughts drift away, which is stupidly common given how immodest advertising is always less than a 360 degree view away.

I say 3 Hail Mary’s each morning and night adding another verse between repititions. I bought a book with daily meditations, but I cannot get further than 12 days maximum and so repeat it a lot. Every second week also, the priest on confession changes, which I also think might be causing me problems.

The main part of it for me, is what I can only describe as stupification. I become stupid and restless, I can’t sit still and think about anything worthwhile (which I tend to do) my spirit and mind is absolutely repressed and all there is is flesh. Sometimes, particularly lately, it gets to such an extent that I forget everything in the moments of temptation. I can’t even scare myself out of it as words hold so little power at that point, all I see is a tonne of metal on an opposite end of a scale as a sugar cube. By God’s grace I can resist it, but it requires so much effort as to boarder on physical pain. It is the first unrepressed thought, always, that destroys my attempts. It could be anything, even accidental, but after that I can’t seem to recover.

I’m sorry for the wall of text, but I find the devil keeps me in evil when he keeps me in silence. I have to beg you all to pray for me.
 
Start saying rosarys. 3 a day if need be. The divine mercy chaplet is a great one too.
If you keep good spiritual thoughts in your mind there won’t be room for any other.
Say prayers between the rosarys. Remember Jesus dwelling within you at all times.
Pray to Mary that you carry Him in the way that she carried Him with full awareness.

This site has a lot to offer on this subject.
davidmacd.com/catholic/masturbation.htm
 
Pray the rosary when this gets a hold on you and pray often. Prayer is the most powerful thing we have.
 
Darran,

Yes, pray the Rosary, at least 5 decades every day. As you do so, force yourself to really meditate on the divine mysteries and Mary’s role in salvation as the Mother of God and the Queen of Heaven and Earth. That’s the only thing that works for me.

I will include you in my intentions shortly.

:knight1:
 
Do you get a lot of physical exercise? That should help. I believe I heard Father Groeschel on EWTN recommend a good sense of humor as a big help, too.
 
I think that you need to talk to a Spiritual Director for advice on the situation.
 
I will pray for you, Darran, and hope you can soon find the strength within yourself to change your situation. Have faith.
 
That’s a great idea, I’ll say the rosary during the day. I’ve also tried to slip in the 3 o’clock prayer as that’s a dangerous hour, I’ll try to stick to these.

I think you could be right about a spiritual director, I don’t know how I could handle it though. God’s grace is the sole thing that has me confess this.

I get a fair amount of exercise. These days roughly 3 days a week of compound workouts. During the summer I was lucky enough to have access to a gym for free and bulked for two months. I found the increase of testosterome made things worse, though. I suppose the lack of fasting didn’t help either.
 
Maybe you are not called to a life of chastity.

“Better to marry than burn.”

I fought my own personal demons for 6 years in formation in a religious order. I’m now married with kids. This is the kind of thing you need to discern with a spiritual director.
 
triumphguy said:
Maybe you are not called to a life of chastity.

“Better to marry than burn.”

I fought my own personal demons for 6 years in formation in a religious order. I’m now married with kids. This is the kind of thing you need to discern with a spiritual director.
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Ah yes; but as i found out being married doesn’t always help in this matter.

Darran; i give these thoughts to you Jesus to purify in the fire of your mercy/love.
this is one of my more effective personal prayers.
Now i ask are you committing sins in a different area, venial sins, Focus on ridding these and this should help the big problem.
 
Darran said:
Please, don’t say that.

Thank you very much for the prayers and replies, all of you.
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Then get yourself to a vigourous Catholic male religious community/order near you and start talking to them, and find a good spiritual director among them, and go to him regularly. It doesn’t matter which order or community (though hopefully there will be some decent Franciscans nearby ;)).
 
(Post 1 of 2)

Praying 3 hail Mary’s in the morning and at night is a great start, that’s what i recommend to everyone in this situation, but i recommend to say them for the intentions of purity and holiness.
but another great prayer i’ve heard to say, is one you say at the moment of temptation, or even at the fear you might be tempted, actually it’s 2 prayers - “Precious Blood of Jesus Christ, wash over me, protect me from the wickedness and snares of the devil.” and then “Jesus, Mary, Joseph, saint Maria Goretti, Guardian Angel, help me.” and imminently after that you must think of something else, something you like or love very much that is not immoral…and if need be, leave the place where you are, and go seek someones company, or call someone on the phone…or just go out for a walk, whatever you can do to get your mind off it,
and the worst thing you can do if you’re prone to this sin is spend idle time doing nothing, you should always be occupied with something, or if you can’t help it, like if you need to rest or something, there are still things you can do to distract yourself and keep your mind on holy things, like playing audio sermons, like these - audiosancto.org/ keepthefaith.org/ fultonsheen.com/Fulton-Sheen-MP3.cfm )
or audio books like the ones on www.tanbooks.com
you can also keep a blessed crucifix with you, and hold it in your hand when you’re resting or when you go to bed, the Saint Benedict cross is a good one.
i would also recommend having a strict prayer regimen, waking up promptly at a set time, making the sign of the cross, and saying your prayers, and likewise at night, say your prayers, and go straight to bed, you can even play an audio sermon or audio book at night, which helps me very much too.

the best things you can do to overcome this, is pray every day, read good catholic literature every day(especially the lives of the saints store.saintbenedict.com/index.php?page=shop.browse&category_id=12&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=1&vmcchk=1&Itemid=1 ), go to confession every week or at the least every month, even if you have no mortal sins to confess, receive communion more than just Sunday if you can, asking especially for help in this area, seek aid from Our Lady and the saints who are patrons of chastity, and never neglect to pray at the moments of temptation…

another thing that is very important for all Christians, is mortification, the only way to gain control of yourself is by denying yourself, because the flesh only desires self gratification, comfort, ease, and to give in is not freedom, it is being subject to the body, whether you want to or not,
true freedom instead consists in doing what is good, because you only do good if you want to, but you may commit evils whether you want to or not…
the carnal desires “war against the soul”, and it is a battle won by mortification, prayer, the sacraments, and fleeing from temptation,
*“Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, lust, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is the service of idols.” *Colossians 3:5

“For if you live according to the flesh, you shall die: but if by the Spirit you mortify the deeds of the flesh, you shall live.” Romans 8:13

“But I chastise my body, and bring it into subjection: lest perhaps, when I have preached to others, I myself should become a castaway.” 1 Corinthians 9:27

(continued in next post)
 
(Post 2 of 2)

it’s not easy to overcome the sins of the flesh once you’ve given yourself to them, but remember that with God all things are possible, and He will help you whenever you ask, and give you all the grace you need, He never ignores a sincere cry for help, so whenever we do fall, it is not because God did not help, but because either we did not ask, or we did not accept the help he sent.
but just stay hopeful, and try to keep your peace, don’t let yourself get anxious over this, just do what you can, God doesn’t expect anymore than that, doing your best is the best you can do,
and also remember that God is not as displeased with us for falling from weakness, as he is when we fall on purpose and don’t care, we are all weak and sinful creatures, and our strength comes from God alone, so that’s why we must never neglect to pray when we are tempted, because without God, we cannot overcome even the smallest temptation…so when you do not ask for help, this is what you can expect from yourself, so you must try to see yourself as you are, weak, that is humility, seeing yourself as you are, seeing the truth, humility is the virtue of truth, whereas pride is the vice of lies, and it’s not a bad thing to be weak, nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just that when you acknowledge what you really are, then when you do fall, you can say “Lord, i fell because i am weak, and did not ask for your help, please help me to do better next time, and i resolve never to commit this sin again” a resolution is not a promise, but an earnest decision, so don’t worry if by weakness you do not keep it.

It’s very possible though, if you take the right steps, such as the things i’ve mentioned, and what your confessor tells you, that you will not commit this sin ever again, but remember, that at the moment you think you have overcome this, when you are most confident, that is when you must be on your best guard, because it is then that the devil tries even harder to make you fall, and when we are confident, that’s when we let our guard down.

another word of advice, don’t think of sins of the flesh, don’t look back on them, because by bringing them to mind you set yourself up for temptation, and if impure images, such as billboards, woman dressed immodestly, and those kinds of things, are a big temptation to you, then keep your eyes down, don’t look up unless you have to…just try to have custody of your eyes, it’s not unheard of, even the saints recommend it, and have done it,
and the same goes for tv or internet, whatever poses as a temptation for you, stay away from it, we don’t fight temptations to impurity, we run from them, because to fight them is usually a losing battle.

ok, sorry i wrote so much, but i hope it helps, and if you have any questions, i’d be glad to discuss this further,
i’ll keep you in my prayers, don’t forget to check those links i posted,
take care.
 
Darran said:
First of all, I really have to say quite how far outside of my comfort zone it is for me to post this, but I desperately need any prayers and advice that anyone could give me.

I’m 19, strongly considering the priesthood (have been for the past lot of years since first going to Medjugorje) but I have a disgusting habit of…I can’t even type it! Lone sins against chastity. I absolutely hate it, but I am having real trouble stopping it. I find confession (which I manage to confess by the grace of God and nothing else) a very powerful weapon. A confession protects me for a week, but after that I am too brittle. I try to pinch myself everytime my thoughts drift away, which is stupidly common given how immodest advertising is always less than a 360 degree view away.

I say 3 Hail Mary’s each morning and night adding another verse between repititions. I bought a book with daily meditations, but I cannot get further than 12 days maximum and so repeat it a lot. Every second week also, the priest on confession changes, which I also think might be causing me problems.

The main part of it for me, is what I can only describe as stupification. I become stupid and restless, I can’t sit still and think about anything worthwhile (which I tend to do) my spirit and mind is absolutely repressed and all there is is flesh. Sometimes, particularly lately, it gets to such an extent that I forget everything in the moments of temptation. I can’t even scare myself out of it as words hold so little power at that point, all I see is a tonne of metal on an opposite end of a scale as a sugar cube. By God’s grace I can resist it, but it requires so much effort as to boarder on physical pain. It is the first unrepressed thought, always, that destroys my attempts. It could be anything, even accidental, but after that I can’t seem to recover.

I’m sorry for the wall of text, but I find the devil keeps me in evil when he keeps me in silence. I have to beg you all to pray for me.
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Darran man, I will pray for you. I have been I guess you could say celibate (can someone tell me the diff between celibate, chastity, and abstinence?) for a week now. Here’s how I did it.

I didn’t make a big deal of it. In fact I just did it to see if I could, I kinda stumbled on to it. I went in with the idea that I was going to work it for a day and I really thought I wasn’t going to make it past day three. Tomorrow will be day eight and I haven’t had a lustful thought. I went into it by taking one day at a time, and David MacDonald’s prayer which was immensely helpful, and also the Lord’s Prayer. Just take it one day at a time and if you stumble there’s a reason we have Jesus Christ. Repent ask for forgiveness and try harder next time. If you really can’t continue forward, perhaps the priesthood isn’t your calling for St. Paul said

[BIBLEDRB]1 Corinthians 7:9[/BIBLEDRB]

Now I’m not telling you to cop-out I’m simply saying it might not be your calling, or in fact it may very well be your calling and God is prepping you to become a wonderful priest where many young men and women who suffer from the same sexual sin as you and I do will be able to rise themselves above the sin with your help. The best helpers for sin are the ones who lived in it themselves and know what the sufferer is going through…remember Saint Paul was a murderer before he became an Apostle.

I’ll pray for you tonight pal, just know us guys know what you are going through and you are not alone. :console:
 
Darran said:
First of all, I really have to say quite how far outside of my comfort zone it is for me to post this, but I desperately need any prayers and advice that anyone could give me.

I’m 19, strongly considering the priesthood (have been for the past lot of years since first going to Medjugorje) but I have a disgusting habit of…I can’t even type it! Lone sins against chastity. I absolutely hate it, but I am having real trouble stopping it. I find confession (which I manage to confess by the grace of God and nothing else) a very powerful weapon. A confession protects me for a week, but after that I am too brittle. I try to pinch myself everytime my thoughts drift away, which is stupidly common given how immodest advertising is always less than a 360 degree view away.

I say 3 Hail Mary’s each morning and night adding another verse between repititions. I bought a book with daily meditations, but I cannot get further than 12 days maximum and so repeat it a lot. Every second week also, the priest on confession changes, which I also think might be causing me problems.

The main part of it for me, is what I can only describe as stupification. I become stupid and restless, I can’t sit still and think about anything worthwhile (which I tend to do) my spirit and mind is absolutely repressed and all there is is flesh. Sometimes, particularly lately, it gets to such an extent that I forget everything in the moments of temptation. I can’t even scare myself out of it as words hold so little power at that point, all I see is a tonne of metal on an opposite end of a scale as a sugar cube. By God’s grace I can resist it, but it requires so much effort as to boarder on physical pain. It is the first unrepressed thought, always, that destroys my attempts. It could be anything, even accidental, but after that I can’t seem to recover.

I’m sorry for the wall of text, but I find the devil keeps me in evil when he keeps me in silence. I have to beg you all to pray for me.
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Did you felt the calling to be a priest? You are positively sure? 100%?
u know what, I recommend you this book called Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World by Joshua Harris (non-cathoilc author but a good christian) This book, I bought but I haven’t read it yet, I read the intoduction and first pages of the first chapter at barnes & noble the description says “This “PG-rated” book – straightforward without being graphic – speaks to those entrenched in lust or just flirting with temptation. Honestly sharing his own struggles, Harris exposes lust’s tactics and helps readers create a personal plan for fighting back. Men and women will find hope in God’s grace and learn the secrets to lasting change.”

Don’t let your passions control you. Have a strong will power and control it. Why don’t u yell at “someone” invisible “NO LEAVE ME ALONE!” or whatever, the thing is that u yell and let it go away.
 
Here are three suggestions:
  1. Wear a chastity cord. You can buy them online at a Catholic Store. PM me if you need info.
  2. Promise Mary you will pray the Rosary every day for an extended period of time. Make a vow to her to pray every day for a year, for example. At the end of that time you can renew it however you please.
  3. Make a vow to God to try as hard as you can to never sin against chastity. I am not saying take a vow of chastity at this point, just a personal vow to promise God that you will try as hard as you might and if you fail you will pick yourself back up and try again, but that you really are going to try with all your might.
I am not saying you are not trying now, but when you make a vow like that, it gives you added reason to not give in. You know you have made an oath to God to really try, so it gives you added reason to push through.

And if you fail, you do not have to punish yourself over it because you did not promise you would not fail. You can wait to make that kind of vow if you find yourself chaste for long enough.

God bless you!
 
I can’t thank you all enough to be completely honest! Thanks very much for all of the replies and silent prayers from those who may not have replied.

EmeraldWings and austenbosten, thanks a lot. You’ve put some things in great perspective for me.
 
Elisabetta21 said:
Here are three suggestions:
  1. Wear a chastity cord. You can buy them online at a Catholic Store. PM me if you need info.
  2. Promise Mary you will pray the Rosary every day for an extended period of time. Make a vow to her to pray every day for a year, for example. At the end of that time you can renew it however you please.
  3. Make a vow to God to try as hard as you can to never sin against chastity. I am not saying take a vow of chastity at this point, just a personal vow to promise God that you will try as hard as you might and if you fail you will pick yourself back up and try again, but that you really are going to try with all your might.
I am not saying you are not trying now, but when you make a vow like that, it gives you added reason to not give in. You know you have made an oath to God to really try, so it gives you added reason to push through.

And if you fail, you do not have to punish yourself over it because you did not promise you would not fail. You can wait to make that kind of vow if you find yourself chaste for long enough.

God bless you!
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That’s actually a fantastic idea. You know, my aunt bought me a St Philomena’s cord when I was younger. I wore it everyday for years and never took it off, not even in the shower. I had to take it off one time when going for an operation as they wouldn’t let me wear it at all, even around my wrist. After that I eventually stopped wearing it altogether. I’m going to find it and wear it from now on. It’ll remind me of my war of chastity the next time it gets so bad that I forget everything.

Thanks a lot for the replies, would it be alright if I were to update this now and again? The first thing the devil wants is me to get trapped into secrecy. You all will be (and are) doing me a massive favour.
 
Darran said:
That’s actually a fantastic idea. You know, my aunt bought me a St Philomena’s cord when I was younger. I wore it everyday for years and never took it off, not even in the shower. I had to take it off one time when going for an operation as they wouldn’t let me wear it at all, even around my wrist. After that I eventually stopped wearing it altogether. I’m going to find it and wear it from now on. It’ll remind me of my war of chastity the next time it gets so bad that I forget everything.

Thanks a lot for the replies, would it be alright if I were to update this now and again? The first thing the devil wants is me to get trapped into secrecy. You all will be (and are) doing me a massive favour.
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You are welcome 🙂

Sure, I would think that would be fine. It helps to have an anonymous place to go to for help. It helps me 🙂

Yeah, there is something about the physical that the spiritual realm recognizes. A few days ago, I was hearing the most terrible things about myself and it would not let up, and then I put something religious on and poof it stopped instantly. Never had that happen before, but it was interesting.

God bless!
 
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