Lusting and Looking - Men

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knight7

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I still do not know how to define the act of lusting, and I can’t help but feel guilty after the slightest look at someone. Is there a line where just looking crosses from venial to mortal? Is it sinful (mortal or venial?) too consciously look “down there” after noticing a woman’s beauty? Is lust better described at feeling of really wanting to do something with that person? As I’m sure all of you know the fashions of today are almost unbearable. I’ve read what many have said using the Catechism and Bible about lusting, but for someone who is scrupulous about every detail of every thought, word, and action I would like a more detailed explanation of what lust would be.
 
Dear knight7

Full disclosure; I am a dedicated girl watcher and have been for over half a century.

God hard wired us to be attracted to the opposite sex. This goes for males and females. Men are frequently attracted initially by looks. If the first thing you think is, “Boy, is she good looking”, that is admiring beauty. Looking and admiring the beauty of God’s creations is not sinful, mortal or venial.

Lust, in the context of what you are asking would be an overpowering sexual desire for the body of the woman you are looking at. If the first thing you think of is, " Boy, I’d like to get into her pants", then you are guilty of lust.

That is a very simplified explanation but I think it covers the basics.

Patrick
AMDG
 
If you are having issues with scrupulousness, I’m not sure you can get help here. You really need to talk to a priest. The following answer is for if you aren’t having those issues:

This is a really important thing to remember. You are not in control of what thoughts enter your head, and not in complete control of where your eyes go. Those are not conscious, so they aren’t sins. You are in control of how long thoughts remain in your head and where you consciously point your eyes.

Also, remember that it is not automatically wrong to notice and be aware of a woman’s beauty (see St. Nonnus and St. Pelagia). There are ways of appreciating people physically that do not involve lusting after them.

Lust is not just about really wanting to do something with a person because a husband and wife on their wedding night are likely in that state and there is nothing wrong going on there. Lust is about objectification. It is about reducing someone down to something to be used for your own purposes, whether those are mental fantasy or physical action. It is not something you can accidentally do.

You might want to look into St. John Paul II’s theology of the body. It is an extensive look at what sexuality is supposed to be and when it falls into lust.
 
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I wonder if women have any idea how much men are fixated on these things.
I wonder if they would dress / comport themselves differently if they knew what men were thinking. (As a woman, it’s only as I have gotten older that I realize how much men think about this stuff).
 
When I was in RCIA as a teenager, I remember one person there who said that every time he saw a beautiful woman, he would pray to God and thank Him for making such beauty to see on Earth. God is a God of beauty and He didn’t accidentally make women (and men) good looking. When you see a woman and think, “Boy, she is gorgeous,” finish it up with, “Lord, you made that! You did that so well! Thank you!” And carry on with your day.
It’s what I do now, too.
 
The struggle is real bro. I find it hard to be a good Catholic in modernity. Sometimes y hormones and my sinful urges get the best of me. It’s hard to not look, especially during Yoga pants season.
 
knight7 said:
but for someone who is scrupulous about every detail of every thought, word, and action
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If this is the case then you need to be under the care of your pastor not random strangers on the internet.

Get help for your scruples from your pastor or whomever he might refer you to.
 
When Adam first saw Eve, he didn’t comment on her lovely personality or her ‘beautiful soul’. Finding women attractive is natural and is never sinful. It’s only when you start willfully fantasising about having sex with them, that you’ve strayed from the light.
Don’t be hard on yourself though. Your hormones, like 99.9% of young males, are raging and are very easily set loose. The goal isn’t to stop yourself from finding women attractive, or never again being turned on, but to try channel the energy into something else. Very easy to say that…a lot harder to practice it.
 
knight7 said:
I still do not know how to define the act of lusting, and I can’t help but feel guilty after the slightest look at someone. Is there a line where just looking crosses from venial to mortal? Is it sinful (mortal or venial?) too consciously look “down there” after noticing a woman’s beauty? Is lust better described at feeling of really wanting to do something with that person? As I’m sure all of you know the fashions of today are almost unbearable. I’ve read what many have said using the Catechism and Bible about lusting, but for someone who is scrupulous about every detail of every thought, word, and action I would like a more detailed explanation of what lust would be.
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The issue is willfully consenting to dwell on thoughts that are sexually pleasing and that are also inordinate. Not all sexual thoughts are inordinate. The root of lust is after original sin – Eve was no longer a gift and person to Adam to whom Adam gladly gave of himself but an instead an object for his use and gratification. St. Pope John Paul II explains:
Nonetheless, these words clearly assert that lust is a real part of the human heart. When compared with the original mutual attraction of masculinity and femininity, lust represents a reduction. In stating this, we have in mind an intentional reduction, almost a restriction or closing down of the horizon of mind and heart. It is one thing to be conscious that the value of sex is a part of all the rich storehouse of values with which the female appears to the man. It is another to “reduce” all the personal riches of femininity to that single value, that is, of sex, as a suitable object for the gratification of sexuality itself. The same reasoning can be valid concerning what masculinity is for the woman, even though Matthew’s words in 5:27-28 refer directly to the other relationship only. As can be seen, the intentional reduction is primarily of an axiological nature. On one hand the eternal attraction of man toward femininity (cf. Gn 2:23) frees in him—or perhaps it should free—a gamut of spiritual-corporal desires of an especially personal and “sharing” nature (cf. the analysis of the “beginning”), to which a proportionate pyramid of values corresponds. On the other hand, lust limits this gamut, obscuring the pyramid of values that marks the perennial attraction of male and female.
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Theology of the Body, 40. Mutual Attraction Differs from Lust, 9.17.1980, L’Osservatore Romano.
https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/document/40-mutual-attraction-differs-from-lust-851
 
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When I find myself looking at a particularly attractive young woman, I pray for her, some thing along the lines of “Lord, bless her, and protect her from men like what I might be, if there were no consequences for my actions.”

D
 
I find that gratitude and lust tend to chase each other away. Praying to God in honest gratitude for the person you are looking at (and for whatever qualities in them you are genuinely grateful for, which can include their beauty) is a good move to drive away lust.
 
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