Lutheran-Catholic Marriage - Advice for raising a family

[BamaRider]

First of all I am not Lutheran. I am a protestant and I am Church of God. But most importantly, I serve a God that died for both of us, so a sign above the door really means nothing to me.

I actually thought your post in the beginning was not condeming. I think you were stating what you know to be the truth as you know it. However, your comment now is not so heartfelt.

Again, as she stated, we are coming here because we are trying to learn about our husbands and about what they believe. Is that not how you learn things? Asking questions? If my husband was not Catholic, believe me I would not be coming here. However, I do respect that he is and I want to learn more, not condem. I was not being judgemental with my comment, sorry you took it that way. I was stating that we all need to think about how we make comments before we make them. LOVE? Do you think that is asking too much to show?

M’am you know we love ya, and want you and your husband to be happy.

What would you like to know about the Catholic Faith as it relates to your husband and y’all’s marriage?

Keep in mind some answers may not be what you want to hear, and understand the Church does NOT go for Her marriage laws being broken. That being said, it will do all She can do to resolved the problems of members who find themselves in that situation.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Actually, I do not want someone to tell me what I want to hear. I am trying to make a family that can nuture both spouses spritually without either one having to give up their faith and “just go along” because it what is easiest.
… If I only wanted things done only my way I would not have posted this question to a Catholic Forum. I am asking for people who have lived this situation or seen how other have lived it to give any advice they have.

My husband was Lutheran when we married and I was Catholic. We both grew in our faith after marriage and each compromised.

Before I got married and during our marriage prep, I was not adequately prepared for the difficulties that would arise. Honestly, be prepared to re-live through the Reformation. During the Reformation both Lutherans and Catholics behaved badly at times–don’t do that! Be careful because history wants to repeat itself.

Some suggestions:

Christ: Always remember, you share your faith in Christ in common. You are both Christianity. You both must strive to always behave as Christians, especially towards each other.

Family Prayer: Pray together. And make the Sign of the Cross. Lutherans use the Sign of the Cross in worship, and it’s a Trinitarian prayer. Don’t be afraid to pray in the name of the Trinity during your family prayers.

Communion: Lutherans and Catholics vary a bit in the terminology, but our theology on the Eucharist is very similar. (Most Catholics don’t realize that.) Like most Missouri Synod Lutherans, the Catholic Church has “closed Communion.” If that presents a problem for you, speak to the priest at your husband’s parish. Occassionally, a bishop will grant dispensations to non-Catholic Christians who recognize Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament if there is a serious reason.

Mary and Martin: Martin Luther had a view of Mary much closer to Catholics than many Protestants realize. If you aren’t very familiar with Martin Luther’s writings, it might be a good time to learn your faith.

Sunday: Catholics are expected to attend Mass every Sunday. It’s not considered optional. Don’t take it personal if your husband doesn’t want to go to yours. If your husband is becoming serious about his Catholic faith, he probably knows he needs to go to Mass. Catholic parishes usually offer numerous Mass times, so you husband can fulfill his Sunday obligation Saturday night or Sunday evening if he wishes to attend service with you on occassion. I would suggest you also occassionally attend with him.

Children: This gets more complicated. Catholics are expected to raise their children Catholic. Connected with the issue of children is the issue of birth control. You might try reading Martin Luther’s sermons on Onan in Genesis.

God bless you for asking this question on a Catholic forum.

 

[Thomas63116]

Duskyjewel, I agree that your advice has been “make a choice” not “choose to be Catholic.”

But when this advice is offered in the conext of plent of other threads on this site which argue that anyone who leaves the Church is commiting a grave sin and putting their soul in danger of hell the difference between “make a choice” and “choose to be Catholic” probably looks minimal.

 

[rolltidefan]

Thank you Bamarider…Also are you a Roll tide fan??? lol That could spark a whole new debate! lol

Right now I really don’t have anything specifically I am looking for answers to. I do have a lot of questions, but I have also found a lot of answers on here. Thank God really for this site, regardless of being prostestant or Catholic. Just some of a few “sampling” of the questions I have had in the past and read alot on here and other places have been of course annulement, communion, prayer to saints and of course most of all the other typical prostestant questions that we have. In the past, I was just looking for answers to those questions and wanting a Catholic answer. Like I said earlier, you never know until you ask! lol Thanks again.

 

[duskyjewel]

gardens, don’t most Lutherans believe in a form of Consubstantiation, where the substance of bread and wine are said to remain unchanged, but to be joined with the substance of Jesus’ Body and Blood, also unchanged? I was under the impression that this is not a viewpoint Catholics are allowed to hold, and that people who believe this are not allowed to partake of our Eucharist.

 

[1ke]

We did go through Radical Sanation (sp?).

From the Catholic perspective, this is where you did commit to raising the children Catholic. A Catholic cannot have their marriage validated without the intent to do what the Church requires.

We love each other very much, I cannot imagine life with out my husband by my side, and we have committed to working this situation in a way we both agree on and support. However I would love to here how other interfaith couples have dealt with some of the following issues, and any other issues:

I’m sure this is quite difficult for you. And, it will be a challenge every day.

Baptizing Children: I was a godparent to my younger sister (she is 11 years younger) and I would like her to be my Children’s Godparent, but as with the rest of my family she is Lutheran.

She can be a Christian witness at the baptism. You will need one Catholic sponsor (a.k.a. godparent). As far as the role she has in your child’s life, of course that is up to you and your spouse. She *can *have a special role. The Sponsor is the official Catholic witness to the baptism. That does not mean that the aunt cannot have a special role and relationship.

On that note not having my husband be able to serve as a god parent to any of my sister’s future children is not okay either.

Well, that one you are just going to have to get over. It’s not an option for him to do so.

Weekly Church Attendance: How do we worship as a family while still allowing both my husband and I to practice our respective faiths, how do we expose our children to those faiths with out making it confusing to them as well. (i.e. Why can’t mommy take communion at daddy’s church, etc.)

Work out a plan on how you will both get to your respective church services. It may not be possible to accompany each other. The children will be raise Catholic, so trips to the Lutheran church should probably be occasional, and not regular. You are right, it will confuse them.

First Communion: In the Churches I grew up in First Communion was part of confirmation, which took place in the 6th – 8th grade. I am very uncomfortable with 1st graders taking communion, when as I was taught they were not old enough to understand what they were doing. (I’m not sure in 6th grade, I completely understood the importance of communion)

This is a major difference in the teachings regarding what the Sacraments are and do. “Understanding” is not at all a prerequisite for the Eucharist in the Cathoilc Church. In the Eastern Rite babies are baptized, chrismated, and given the Eucharist. It is unmerited grace given in the Sacrament-- grace does not rely on understanding.

Thank you for any insight that anyone has, and as a reminder please don’t reply if you don’t have anything constructive to say. (Hint: Suggesting to do everything only the Catholic way or only the Lutheran way is not helpful nor constructive. )

Well, if the decision has been made to raise the children Catholic (which is a requirement of your husband’s as a Catholic) then “things” will have to be done more the Catholic way than the Lutheran way.

Yes, you will likely be compromising more than he. It’s not fair. It simply is.

 

[BamaRider]

Thank you Bamarider…Also are you a Roll tide fan??? lol That could spark a whole new debate! lol

I am a tide fan, but I’m more of NFL fan then college.

I do have a lot of questions, but I have also found a lot of answers on here

Make use of the search button, and if that doesn’t work just come find somebody. Don’t be suprised if you get conflicting answers on some subjects, we can help sort it out.

 

[Alix1912]

I think this represents a fundamental misunderstanding of how most non-Catholics view their faith. In my experience, most mainline Protestants (Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, Episcopal, UCC, etc.) do not see their church as “the one true church.” Rather, they see themselves as members of a broader Christian Church, which is made up of lots of different religious traditions. They see themselves as one of many traditions within the church, and under that umbrella they would include Catholics, Methodists, Lutherans, etc.

I see it more this way: I do not believe that any church is exactly what God intended for it to be, simply because we are human and flawed. I believe the Lutheran Church is the closest, both because of it’s Theology and because being raised Lutheran it is what I am most familiar with. However, there are a lot of things that could be done better in the Lutheran Church. There are somethings, like simple church organization, that the Catholic Church does better in most cases. (You guys also have us hands down in building the most beautiful churches ) However, there are also things I think the Catholic Church is wrong on. However, I do not believe that only Lutherans or only Catholics will make it to heaven.

There are lots of mixed marriages in the Church today (I have heard upwards of 40%) and there are challenges that will need to be worked through. If the Catholic party to the marriage is going to follow the Church’s requirements (promising to raise the children Catholic) then the non-Catholic party is already being asked to give more than 50%. Most of these folks seem to accept that. But they seem be looking for practical advice on how they can strike a balance that allows them to feel like their own religious identity is also respected.

This is so true, and I feel that theCatholic Churches in many parishes fail to deal with this in a positive way. It is also very hard on the non-Catholic spouse to basically feel like they are a substandard person and should give up their entire religious identity. In my husband and I’s situation it was particularly jaring as this hit after we were married.

BTW, we did go through marriage counseling prior to getting married, at my insistance. My husband says that his rediscovery of his faith was not an issue at the time we got married. I even asked him knowing that he had a Catholic upbringing if he wanted a priest at the ceremony, and he said no.

As a clarification on radical sanation vrs. convalidation. You do not have to go through any prep classes for a convalidation, in fact the parish priest offered to do it right there in his office. I did refuse convalidation as I had already said my vows infront of two Lutheran pastors over a year prior to meeting with the priest. At the time I was reeling from the entire sitaution and was hurt and offended that the priest was telling me that the most important day of my life, the day I joined lives with the man I love, was meaningless. The other option to make my husband whole again with the Catholic Church was radical sanation. I thought the whole thing was odd, but because it was very important to my husband and I wanted him to be right with his church I agreed to the radical sanation.

Before I got married and during our marriage prep, I was not adequately prepared for the difficulties that would arise. Honestly, be prepared to re-live through the Reformation. During the Reformation both Lutherans and Catholics behaved badly at times–don’t do that! Be careful because history wants to repeat itself.

Children: This gets more complicated. Catholics are expected to raise their children Catholic. Connected with the issue of children is the issue of birth control. You might try reading Martin Luther’s sermons on Onan in Genesis.

God bless you for asking this question on a Catholic forum.

We are trying to avoid re living the reformation…honestly better minds than ours have tried to solve that rift and failed for 100’s of years. We are trying to learn as much as possible about each other’s religions and focus on the similarities as places to work from.

Thank you for your other suggestions and the reading suggestions, I will look at them closely. We do pray together every evening as it is, and it has been very good for both of us.

Also as for Birth Control to go off on a tangent quickly…when we first got married I was on the pill. However, a good friend of mine (who is Anglican) recommended a book to me on Fertility Awareness (NFP). All I can say is…why is this not taught more. It seems society has protrayed NFP as a silly unreliable BC method for ultra religous types. It is so much more than the Rythm Method and my friend has used it for over five years and no pregnancy. I got off the pill and can’t tell you how much better I feel. I plan on giving my younger sister the book when she gets engaged, and I have told several female friends and family members about it.

Back to the original topic…Thank you for your suggestions and encouragement everyone.

 

[sj2]

Hey there,

My thoughts . . .

Baptism: As others have said, in the Catholic church at least 1 godparent must be Catholic, the other person can be a Christian Witness. I’m sure you can see that it would be weird to have 2 non-Catholics promising to ensure the child is raised Catholic, ya know?

Weekly Attendance: My opinion, pick a church and stick with it. Switching on and off weeks seems to suggest to kids that church is kind of optional, or they might choose a favorite based upon which pew is more comfy, I don’t know, it just doesn’t sit well with me. BUT! If you go to (just as an example) the Catholic church on Sunday, that doesn’t mean you can’t go to the couples Bible study on Wednesday at the Lutheran church. Or a Ladies meeting with the Baptists. Maybe the kids go to a Moms Morning Out Program during the week sponsored by Methodists. Personally, my DH’s family’s church is just too different, so we just stick to Catholic programs–plus I like the idea of belonging to and supporting one religious community.

Confirmation: Don’t have much to say about this. Questions are a wonderful thing, write them up and you and your husband should go talk to a priest about them. Make sure you go with the attitude that you are excited to learn the answer, not that you aren’t going to like what he says no matter what (I’m not suggesting that you have that attitude–your husband should do the same with your church.)

Further ideas: I love to study. I love to learn. If my DH decided to be, I don’t know, Buddhist, I would roll up my sleeves, go to the library to check out Buddhist & Catholic materials, set up meetings with the appropriate church leaders and we’d figure out our beliefs together. Don’t let him travel this road alone. Maybe he has fallen back in love with the Catholic church and wants you to feel what he feels. Maybe he’s fallen in love with the Lutheran church, but needs to give the Catholic faith one more, earnest, sincere look before he makes a final decision.

Raising kids 50/50: I don’t know. We decided it would be too confusing.

Being a Non-Catholic in a Catholic Church: I’m in the deep South, Catholics are the minority in my area. Many people in our church are converts. Many are lifelong non-Catholic attendees that haven’t gotten around to officially converting yet. No one even raises an eyebrow when I tell them my DH, who attends the Catholic Bible study with me & is in Mass every Sunday, is not Catholic. The leader of the study, whose been attending the Catholic church for 10 years, told me, “Oh, . . . I just converted last year myself.” So, you wouldn’t get any sideways stares here.

Tip: There is so much you can do together. Have family prayers. Read the Bible together. Don’t pull away from each other, use this to grow closer to each other.

 

[rolltidefan]

Bamarider…thank you for the advice. I don’t think I have used the search on here. I just usually come to the family forum and read alot.

Also, not sure what part you are from in Bama, but have you ever been to the Catholic church (cannot remember the name) in Cullman, Alabama? I think it is called something like Blessed Church of the Sacrament or something like that. I have visited there twice. Not for mass, but just to visit the grounds and that place is beautiful.

Also, off the subject and this is to everyone here. I am reading a book right now name Being Catholic Now. It is the new one by Kerry Kennedy. Has anybody here read it and if so, what do you think about it? I know, I am not Catholic, but some of it by some of the people she has interviewed was very disturbing because they had nothing left for any church or even God. Anyway, just wanting to know what you guys on here thought about it, especially since you are Catholic.

 

[jwashu]

Alix1912,

Truly I believe devout Missouri Synod Lutherans are probably closers in many ways to the teaching of the Catholic Church than many “Cafeteria” Catholics.

Someone mentioned your Communion… they don’t realize that you DO believe in Real Presence. The Church might argue that Lutherans don’t have a valid Priesthood but all your life you have been told it was the body and blood for Christ correct?

As I said in another thread, one of my best friends is Missouri Synod Lutheran and we have much more in common than almost any other Protestant group except for Anglo-Catholics.

If you guys didn’t do marriage prep in the Catholic Church, that’s really his fault because you didn’t know it was required. Yet on some level he probably didn’t either. Many people don’t fully understand their what their Church teaches.

I’m not saying, as I believe some did, just convert for the sake of the family and your kids. This IS about them but right now it’s about you and your husband.

I would encourage you to find out what all was happening during the Reformation, read up on Luther and what he believed. Your Church IS closer to his beliefs than any other Lutheran group without a doubt. However I believe there are some things that were promoted by the Catholic Church during that time which are no longer relevant… I would term these not Dogma, but rather little “d” teachings.

Truly in my talks with my friend, if there was not a Missouri Synod in our town, I believe his family would just become Catholic. He sure did not feel that way before I started my journey a few years ago and was able to explain some Catholic teaching which didn’t make sense.

As I also said, Lutherans and Catholic now have a joint deceleration on Salvation. We are moving closer to Christian unity for those groups who understand there is a difference between worship and praise IMHO.

Most importantly, pray about it and not just you. Engage your Husband - you guys pray together about it. You both believe in Real Presence so consider spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament while in prayer together.

I firmly believe that if both of you are open to following God’s will, He will take care of everything else. That may not be exactly what some of the people on this board nor any other think should happen nor even what you expect… but it will be His will, and that is what matters. Right?

One last though from a former Calvinist… Could the fact that your faith is already so close to Catholicism and your husband re-awaking after your marriage be purely coincidence? It could be… but could it also be God working in your life to bring you into the Church? just a thought to consider.

Read my posts and others, take them for what you will but most importantly… Trust HIM.

Joe

 

[duskyjewel]

I am really surprised that there was no prep required for a convalidation… not even a cursory investigation of your freedom to marry? I was under the impression that convalidation couples had to go through pre-Cana or something like that. Now I am wondering what diocese this is… and how in the world they can in good conscience bind people in sacramental marriages without fully explaining to them what that means! Is anyone else surprised by that?

Alix, I am glad, at least, that you two are talking about this before you have children. Working this out now, before they pay the consequences, is the best way to handle it.

 

[Thomas63116]

I see it more this way: I do not believe that any church is exactly what God intended for it to be, simply because we are human and flawed. I believe the Lutheran Church is the closest, both because of it’s Theology and because being raised Lutheran it is what I am most familiar with. However, there are a lot of things that could be done better in the Lutheran Church. There are somethings, like simple church organization, that the Catholic Church does better in most cases. (You guys also have us hands down in building the most beautiful churches ) However, there are also things I think the Catholic Church is wrong on. However, I do not believe that only Lutherans or only Catholics will make it to heaven.

I actually think this is a very “Catholic” view of the situation, although of course Catholics believe that WE are the closest

 

[Thomas63116]

Also, off the subject and this is to everyone here. I am reading a book right now name Being Catholic Now. It is the new one by Kerry Kennedy. Has anybody here read it and if so, what do you think about it? I know, I am not Catholic, but some of it by some of the people she has interviewed was very disturbing because they had nothing left for any church or even God. Anyway, just wanting to know what you guys on here thought about it, especially since you are Catholic.

Please, please, please if you want to discuss this start another thread. This one is already running in 10 different directions.

 

[Brenda_V]

So no, I am not asking for people to say what I want to hear. If I only wanted things done only my way I would not have posted this question to a Catholic Forum. I am asking for people who have lived this situation or seen how other have lived it to give any advice they have.

Okay, so you want someone who has lived through this situation to give you advise. You are not going to like what I have to say but know I have already raised my children and lived through this situation: you have to do it the Catholic way, your husband, now that he is back is obligated to do so.

Honestly I can not help you here as I told my then fiance now husband that I would not, could not marry him unless our children would be raised Catholic! We used to go to church together, both Mass and services, when our oldest was about 4 I could no longer in conscience expose her to the false teachings of the minister at the pulpit (he was a very nice man and I became his wife’s first friend here!) From then on I went to Mass alone with her and then our newborn (our other child had passed away by then). To this day, I go to Mass, he goes and does his own thing. Has it been stressful on our Marriage? Yes. Has it caused us to separate or divorce? No. See the ticker in my signature.

You are right to get this out of the way now. Of course, your sister can be the non-Catholic Godparent for your children but you must have a Catholic Godparent. No, your husband should not be the Godfather to any of your nieces or nephews, he can “stand up” and be a witness to a Baptism but not the official Godparent because part of the duties is to help the parents raise the child in the faith.

Further advise? Get your husband to call his Parish and sign up for RCIA classes for both of you so he can grow in the faith and you can come to a better understanding of why he does things. You don’t have to convert by taking these classes.

Brenda V.

 

[Alix1912]

Alix1912,

Truly I believe devout Missouri Synod Lutherans are probably closers in many ways to the teaching of the Catholic Church than many “Cafeteria” Catholics.

Someone mentioned your Communion… they don’t realize that you DO believe in Real Presence. The Church might argue that Lutherans don’t have a valid Priesthood but all your life you have been told it was the body and blood for Christ correct?

As I said in another thread, one of my best friends is Missouri Synod Lutheran and we have much more in common than almost any other Protestant group except for Anglo-Catholics.

If you guys didn’t do marriage prep in the Catholic Church, that’s really his fault because you didn’t know it was required. Yet on some level he probably didn’t either. Many people don’t fully understand their what their Church teaches.

I’m not saying, as I believe some did, just convert for the sake of the family and your kids. This IS about them but right now it’s about you and your husband.

I would encourage you to find out what all was happening during the Reformation, read up on Luther and what he believed. Your Church IS closer to his beliefs than any other Lutheran group without a doubt. However I believe there are some things that were promoted by the Catholic Church during that time which are no longer relevant… I would term these not Dogma, but rather little “d” teachings.

Truly in my talks with my friend, if there was not a Missouri Synod in our town, I believe his family would just become Catholic. He sure did not feel that way before I started my journey a few years ago and was able to explain some Catholic teaching which didn’t make sense.

As I also said, Lutherans and Catholic now have a joint deceleration on Salvation. We are moving closer to Christian unity for those groups who understand there is a difference between worship and praise IMHO.

Most importantly, pray about it and not just you. Engage your Husband - you guys pray together about it. You both believe in Real Presence so consider spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament while in prayer together.

I firmly believe that if both of you are open to following God’s will, He will take care of everything else. That may not be exactly what some of the people on this board nor any other think should happen nor even what you expect… but it will be His will, and that is what matters. Right?

One last though from a former Calvinist… Could the fact that your faith is already so close to Catholicism and your husband re-awaking after your marriage be purely coincidence? It could be… but could it also be God working in your life to bring you into the Church? just a thought to consider.

Read my posts and others, take them for what you will but most importantly… Trust HIM.

Joe

I have studied christanity and my husband and I are talking and studying alot on this issue. It’s not a total coincidence that his faith re awakened with me, as he started going to church again with me.

I think the frustrating thing for both of us is that the faiths are so close…and we (as churches) can’t seem to be able to reach over the last small divides. Lutheran believes on communion are very close. We believe in the real presence, that christ’s blood and body are there present in the bread and wine, how it is body and blood while still appearing to be bread and wine. I have no idea, and I don’t think either church has ever explained, other than God’s power makes it so. That is on my list to as God when I get to heaven (its a REALLY long list).

I have several times attended church at a Catholic Church when I was traveling, and could not find a Lutheran Church.

Thank you for your help, and encouragement

 

[jwashu]

I have studied christanity and my husband and I are talking and studying alot on this issue. It’s not a total coincidence that his faith re awakened with me, as he started going to church again with me.

I think the frustrating thing for both of us is that the faiths are so close…and we (as churches) can’t seem to be able to reach over the last small divides. Lutheran believes on communion are very close. We believe in the real presence, that christ’s blood and body are there present in the bread and wine, how it is body and blood while still appearing to be bread and wine. I have no idea, and I don’t think either church has ever explained, other than God’s power makes it so. That is on my list to as God when I get to heaven (its a REALLY long list).

I have several times attended church at a Catholic Church when I was traveling, and could not find a Lutheran Church.

Thank you for your help, and encouragement

Most welcome, you guys are also in my prayers!
Joe

 

[shannyk]

I have studied christanity and my husband and I are talking and studying alot on this issue. It’s not a total coincidence that his faith re awakened with me, as he started going to church again with me.

I think the frustrating thing for both of us is that the faiths are so close…and we (as churches) can’t seem to be able to reach over the last small divides. Lutheran believes on communion are very close. We believe in the real presence, that christ’s blood and body are there present in the bread and wine, how it is body and blood while still appearing to be bread and wine. I have no idea, and I don’t think either church has ever explained, other than God’s power makes it so. That is on my list to as God when I get to heaven (its a REALLY long list).

I have several times attended church at a Catholic Church when I was traveling, and could not find a Lutheran Church.

Thank you for your help, and encouragement

Alix,

Can I be honest? It seems like, maybe you and your DH both are unsure about what your own respective faiths hold as truth because if you were aware of the differences, you couldn’t possibly consider them to be ‘small’ by any means. Actually they are monumental. NOT to say that there aren’t some similarities too, but doctrinally speaking, the differences are major.

Many of us, Catholics and non Catholics, do not know our faith as we should. You said that you and DH didn’t want to ‘relive the reformation’, but from where I sit, you might really have to be willing to go through that to dig up the Truth. It could be something that really draws the two of you closer if you are both willing to open your hearts, and it seems like you are being lead down a path of rediscovery. Marriage has a way of doing that to people.

Anyway, I wanted to pass on a couple of good links that might help you and hubby out some on this journey.

Catholics Come Home is especially for ‘reverts’ but has great info for non-Catholics who have questions about the Church.

Scripture Catholic. A site that deals with the scriptural basis for Catholic doctrines and teaching. This is a great site by John Salza, who was a revert to the Faith himself. There are also many great books out there by him that are worth reading.

LCMS doctrine page. Info about exactly what your church believes.


Catholic Catechism.

I hope this helps.

 

[smallcat]

I don’t know what more I can add to what others have said (but that won’t stop me from trying!).

In the process of radical sanation, did you agree to raise any potential children Catholic? This would seem to answer at least one question for you. I agree with what others have said: you need to choose one faith to raise the children in. Going back and forth is untenable and suggests to the kids that it’s not important.

My dh was Presbyterian for the first 10 years or so of our marriage. When we married, he knew the importance of the Catholic faith to me and agreed we would raise any children Catholic. Before we had kids, we would go to two services each Sunday (only receiving communion at our own respective churches, of course). After our first baby was born, we both attended Mass together every Sunday. Baby was baptized Catholic, with Catholic godparents, and attended Catholic preschool/CCD when he was older. I still attended the Presbyterian service occasionally with the baby but he never went to Sunday school, even when he was old enough. By the time #2 came along, it was just practically unfeasible to haul two kids to two services in one morning anyway, so we’d go to Mass together as a family, then I’d go home with the kids and he would attend his service. Occasionally we would go to Saturday afternoon Mass with the kids and then he would go to his church Sunday morning. He remained involved in a couple of activities (bible study, book group) at his church, and we attended a faith sharing group as a family with other families from the Catholic church.

At home, we prayed together common prayers as a family – mostly extemporaneous-- and I only prayed the Hail Mary or prayers to saints with them when DH wasn’t around (not because I was being sneaky, but because I knew he wouldn’t participate). THe oldest definitely knew Daddy believed some different things, and I very frankly explained that we would pray for him and for our family, that it could one day be united. We prayed the John 17 prayer a lot! A crucial factor for us was that DH was totally on board- he agreed the kids had to be raised one way, and he was supportive of raising them Catholic, right down to emphasizing to them during Mass that the most important time to be reverent was during the consecration.

An upside of our varying traditions is that we studied history and theology a lot together as a couple. We learned a lot about our own faith backgrounds. And, for full disclosure, DH did enter RCIA and joined the church last year, so now this is sort of a non-issue for us.
:

 

[Alderdweller]

Hello,
I’m a long-time lurker also and I understand what Roll-Tide is saying. Sad to say, I’ve seen this in protestant churchs also, so I’m not just picking on the Catholics. BUT
Just say for arguement sake that the Catholic church (or add whatever church you like) is the ONE true church. Wouldn’t you think that an outsider should be able to look at us (you) and see something in our lives that causes them to want what you have?
I have to say that is not true of most folks I’ve seen on these forums. Perhaps it is a poor representation of the church.
What I have seen is when someone asks an honest question, usually they get condesending answers, or worse yet, just plain rude answers.
I’ve studied with Jehovah’s Witness, Seventh Day Adventist, Methodist, Baptist and Pentecostal and a few more and I’m telling you, the attitude I’ve seen in the Catholics is no different.
In my own opinion, if we don’t have Christ shining through in our lives whereby all men can see the light, then what good are we to the kingdom of God? And to have to direct a person to take lessons in a Catholic church (or any other church) to be able to understand their teachings, is a not a good answer to me. We all should be able to give account of what and why we believe what we believe and be able to back it up with holy scripture.