Oh my, I don’t even know where to start, but I’ll try…
I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now, and it was a nice relationship until a month and a half ago.
I am Catholic and he is too, but well, he really doesn’t believe in the Church and everything that it teaches, for some time he even questioned God’s existance which made me very sad at times, lately he’s accepted God’s existance, but he’s still hasn’t gotten better in other matters (like views on premarital sex, overall morals, etc. He’s never pressured me to do anything though, he has respected my wishes.)
I’m guess the the source of most of your problems with him goes back to his disbelief in church teachings. His behavior…(lying, cheating more lying and disrepect) show he’s not yet ready to change. I doubt you’ll ever be able to makes the relationship work since he doesn’t seem to share you values.
Another thing he lacks is honesty for example, from the beginning he’s lied to me, some were little and other huge lies and I was devastated.
Specially when I found a bunch of profiles he had posted online in the middle of August, I only found out at the end of August though, it was heart breaking to see that he wanted to “change” me, two of those websites were penpal websites which I suppose wouldn’t be bad if it wasn’t for the fact that he went out of his way to hide them from me, and then the other 2 were actual dating websites where he claimed he was single and looking for a serious relationship
After this trype of behavior you should have left once and for all. I know you love him but just because you love some one doesn’t mean they are the right person for you or that they are someone you should even hang around with.
I found out about those one night after he came back to his house drunk and he seemed weird, acting mean to me, and he was never like that, actually after all this we had a pretty decent relationship, but then I found out about those profiles and “hell broke loose”, it was horrible, he begged me not to break up with him, promised me that he’d change and never do it again, and so I gave him a second chance, because I do feel people can change, after all, I am living proof of it, I had a very wicked lifestyle before I came back to the Church, and I thank The Lord for all His graces, and I’ve been in the right path for many years. (btw I’m 25 and he’s 32)
But since then I’ve been finding more of those profiles he made while we were dating (all of them from months ago, nothing recent)… It’s so hurtful to see the homongous ammount of profiles he had put up online. Since then he hasn’t done it, not that I know of, maybe I’m being naive.
The thing is that 3 weeks ago he started going to pubs with “friends” very frequently ( I don’t go to pubs because I can’t handle myself around alcohol… part of my past) and not picking up the phone if I called, or avoiding the calls, getting really late to his house, you know, strange behaviour he didn’t have before… And I confronted him and he said he didn’t know why he was going so much… That it was co-workers inviting him, other times friends he hadn’t seen in a long time, other times with his sister and her boyfriend, other times friends that came from tips and wanted to see him… But… All in the same week???
**Honey this guy isn’t going to change. You can’t make someone else change either if they don’t really want to. I would let the relationship go for your own good. This guy is bad news. **
He’s stopped for now, but now I wonder if he was trying to date someone and maybe it didn’t work, and many other things that come from my imagination…
The thing is that I feel that maybe part of the problem is that he’s not God fearing, I think he feels like being dishonest or even actually cheating on me doesn’t have any consequences…
True, we’re not married (though he wants to marry me), but just because you’re not married to someone I don’t think that is fair to deceive other people into thinking that you love them or that you wanna stay with them…!
If he’s telling you he wants to get married that another lie his actions speak differently. Marry this guy and most likely you’ll end up divorced in a few years.
Of course I have no proof (yet) of what I’m talking about, but I have the exact same feeling I had as when he started to make those profiles online, I remember telling him “geez, I don’t know what it is, but I feel there’s something you’re not telling me… I’m starting to feel uncomfortable”, he’d always lie and say it was in my imagination.
No Proof his previous actions are pretty good proof of his intentions.
I’m not the type of person to be saying things like that because I know how that makes me look, but in that case I just couldn’t help it, it was overwhelming! I think it was God trying to push me to the truth, because it was so unbelieavable that I just HAD to tell him, even if it made me sound paranoid.
Now, the thing is I don’t know whether to stay (and give him that second chance I promised I’d give him), or just move on though I know it’ll be hard because I care a lot about him. We were really good together before all this happened… But I suppose it was all fake
Has anyone had someone they love REALLY change if you prayed with all your Faith?
Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be appreciate it…
Second chance…it sounds like this guy has already had that. Please don’t continue to put up with his disrespectful actions just because you love him or feel the need to be in a relationship with someone. I’ll pray for you. Remember people will only treat you as poorly as you let them
QUOTE]
Vroooooommmm!!! That’s the sound of you hightailing it OUT of that relationship. Don’t waste another second of your precious life.Oh my, I don’t even know where to start, but I’ll try…
I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now, and it was a nice relationship until a month and a half ago.
I am Catholic and he is too, but well, he really doesn’t believe in the Church and everything that it teaches, for some time he even questioned God’s existance which made me very sad at times, lately he’s accepted God’s existance, but he’s still hasn’t gotten better in other matters (like views on premarital sex, overall morals, etc. He’s never pressured me to do anything though, he has respected my wishes.)
Another thing he lacks is honesty for example, from the beginning he’s lied to me, some were little and other huge lies and I was devastated.
Specially when I found a bunch of profiles he had posted online in the middle of August, I only found out at the end of August though, it was heart breaking to see that he wanted to “change” me, two of those websites were penpal websites which I suppose wouldn’t be bad if it wasn’t for the fact that he went out of his way to hide them from me, and then the other 2 were actual dating websites where he claimed he was single and looking for a serious relationship
I found out about those one night after he came back to his house drunk and he seemed weird, acting mean to me, and he was never like that, actually after all this we had a pretty decent relationship, but then I found out about those profiles and “hell broke loose”, it was horrible, he begged me not to break up with him, promised me that he’d change and never do it again, and so I gave him a second chance, because I do feel people can change, after all, I am living proof of it, I had a very wicked lifestyle before I came back to the Church, and I thank The Lord for all His graces, and I’ve been in the right path for many years. (btw I’m 25 and he’s 32)
But since then I’ve been finding more of those profiles he made while we were dating (all of them from months ago, nothing recent)… It’s so hurtful to see the homongous ammount of profiles he had put up online. Since then he hasn’t done it, not that I know of, maybe I’m being naive.
The thing is that 3 weeks ago he started going to pubs with “friends” very frequently ( I don’t go to pubs because I can’t handle myself around alcohol… part of my past
He’s stopped for now, but now I wonder if he was trying to date someone and maybe it didn’t work, and many other things that come from my imagination…
The thing is that I feel that maybe part of the problem is that he’s not God fearing, I think he feels like being dishonest or even actually cheating on me doesn’t have any consequences…
True, we’re not married (though he wants to marry me
Of course I have no proof (yet) of what I’m talking about, but I have the exact same feeling I had as when he started to make those profiles online, I remember telling him “geez, I don’t know what it is, but I feel there’s something you’re not telling me… I’m starting to feel uncomfortable”, he’d always lie and say it was in my imagination.
I’m not the type of person to be saying things like that because I know how that makes me look, but in that case I just couldn’t help it, it was overwhelming! I think it was God trying to push me to the truth, because it was so unbelieavable that I just HAD to tell him, even if it made me sound paranoid.
Now, the thing is I don’t know whether to stay (and give him that second chance I promised I’d give him), or just move on though I know it’ll be hard because I care a lot about him. We were really good together before all this happened… But I suppose it was all fake
Has anyone had someone they love REALLY change if you prayed with all your Faith?
Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be appreciate it…
I apologize for the length of my thread and specially if it sounds like out a soap opera…
God bless you all.
Only one quarrel with this post. That is spelled “STOOOOOPUD”
)
:grouphug:EXCELLENT, CK. And definitely: :grouphug: . Give it two days. Suddenly, you’ll be saying to yourself: Why didn’t I get out SOONER?Thanks again to everybody for the kind replies, and specially for the prayers, I find those helpful, and they have given me peace…
Right now I have taken time for myself, it’s hard, but it has to be done, and well, like some posters noted, if it’s meant to be, it will be, and I just have to leave him on his own so he can make the changes he needs for himself and his soul, and to fix everything’s that’s going wrong in his life (assuming that he does change
I just hope that our prayers reach him so that he can become an honest faithful person so that when he enters another relationship it won’t be based on lies and disrespect. Nobody deserves to be hurt that way, and well, I hope he gets closer to God before anything else.
Group hug? …
Hi Lenni,
, he’s very dependent on me, and though it seemed that he wanted to just get over me, he can’t, so, I still talk to him, because I care about him and feel bad when he seems so desperate, but I know that we will never be together, it’s so obvious, so in that sense I’ve moved on, I just wish he could too…Please explain this statement you made. Protestants are not lying, cheating alcoholics. They (we right now) have the same moral standards as Catholics. I am very confused by this statement because the OP said her BF is Catholic.
I love Maya Angelou…that is a GREAT line to remember.
I think you did the right thing. It is hard to break up, but you did the right thing. And remember…dependence is not synonymous with love. Good luck to youHi Lenni,
Yes I dumped him, but he wouldn’t take a NO for an answer
I’m doing fine though, I feel no pain anymore after realizing how wrong it was of me to cling to that relationship, and that, well, until he doesn’t change for HIMSELF, there’d never be any future…
Thanks for caring Lenni! BIG HUG!
God Bless.
