Lying, reparation a decade later

  • Thread starter Thread starter Irregularbutvalid
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I

Irregularbutvalid

Guest
I’m confused about our duty of reparation when it comes to lying. When I was in middle school I lied to my friend and said that I hit him accidentally when it was actually intentional. We’re still friends a decade later, but am I obliged to pull him aside and tell him the truth about the incident? It doesn’t seem that he suffered any harm from the lie, but I’m not sure.
 
This was most likely a venial sin, so, it has long been forgiven. We are not required to reveal even our venial sins to someone, so, say a prayer for your friend and that would be a wonderful reparation.

Since you are still friends, it might be a good exercise in humility to ask his forgiveness for both the lie and the hitting.
 
Often, these things that weigh on our conscience for long periods of time like this bother us and are forgotten by other parties involved entirely. Just something to consider when deciding what reparations are in order.
 
When I described a similar incident to my spiritual director (I lied a lot when I was young) he suggested I offer reparations for the harm the lying did to ME. It’s a nice idea, it just doesn’t feel sufficient sometimes.
 
I understand. I live with horrible guilt at times over my past faults. However, we need to consider the potential harm of dredging up the past for the other folks. In this case, probably inconsequential, but not so in all cases.
 
When I was six years old, I shoplifted a package of fishing sinkers from a sporting goods store near where I lived. I learned it was wrong, actually probably even knew it was at 6, and when I confessed it at first confession before first communion a year later, the priest told me I had to make reparation by giving some money to charity to make up for the theft. I think I have, over the years, donated a few hundred dollars, as reparation, to various charities with that early “theft” in mind. I laugh at it now, but I offer it along with the other posters who have said that guilt can last for a long time. There’s this little voice in the back of your head…………
 
The duty of reparation is only present when your lie causes serious harm to another and you could to some extent repair that harm by telling the truth. With minor lies, there’s nothing to repair as far as the parties lied to are concerned, so telling them the truth later is not an obligation. No harm done = no harm to undo.

I would think you aren’t obliged to tell your friend the truth, but as the first response already pointed out, it could be a good exercise in humility to do so anyway.
 
I guess I just get hung up about what “harm” entails. Like is there some underlying spiritual harm in every lie…
 
My niece told me something a little while ago. She is eight, which is around the age of reason, and she said she has felt very guilty about stealing something for about a year. I told her she feels bad, has asked for forgiveness, and needs to know that god granted it to her. She apologized and told her parents about it, and made reparation. There is little more she can do besides forgiving herself. I think this situation is similar.
 
There certainly is some minor harm in every lie, but we can make sufficient reparation for that to God. The harm that obliges us to reparation/restitution to another person is an injury to that person that either damages or takes from them something that is rightfully theirs. The damage could be their own person, family, reputation, or property.

The Catholic Encyclopedia has a good article on restitution which hopefully gives a better idea of when we are obliged to it.
 
Irregularbutvalid said:
I’m confused about our duty of reparation when it comes to lying. When I was in middle school I lied to my friend and said that I hit him accidentally when it was actually intentional. We’re still friends a decade later, but am I obliged to pull him aside and tell him the truth about the incident? It doesn’t seem that he suffered any harm from the lie, but I’m not sure.
Click to expand...
Well, you could say, “Bob, once back in 6th grade I hit you and then told you it was an accident. It wasn’t an accident, I totally did it on purpose because [insert stupid middle school reason here], but you seemed to forgive me at the time. Did you know I wasn’t being truthful with you…I mean, did you decide to forgive me, even though I couldn’t admit that I was at fault and you knew it and you had every reason to be mad at me?”
Then he gives you his answer, one way or other, and you say, “I hope you don’t think it is funny, but I just want to admit I hit you on purpose and that I’m a lot more sorry about it now than I was then. Bob, you are a good guy. I’m lucky to have a friend like you. You didn’t have to forgive me back then, whether I hit you on purpose or not, but I’m really glad you did.”
The main thing you’ll be saying is that you value him as a friend and regret anything you ever did that ever hurt him. I don’t know when it ever hurts someone to hear that.
Irregularbutvalid said:
I guess I just get hung up about what “harm” entails. Like is there some underlying spiritual harm in every lie…
Click to expand...
Do what takes care of the friendship. If that means eating your regret and leaving your friend alone about it, do that. Do what puts him first this time, and be generous about it, instead of being small and putting yourself first as you did when you hit him on purpose and lied about it. That is the main thing.
 
Last edited:
Irregularbutvalid said:
When I described a similar incident to my spiritual director (I lied a lot when I was young) he suggested I offer reparations for the harm the lying did to ME. It’s a nice idea, it just doesn’t feel sufficient sometimes.
Click to expand...
I would encourage you to stick to following the advice given to you by your spiritual director.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top