Lying + the past

[stefina]

i dont even know where to start, but I need some help or advice… last night my boyfriend of a year first lied to me about these 2 girls he would talk to on msn once and awhile still…these girls seemed sketchy to me, and i figured they had had a past with my boyfriend…2 nights ago my bf said i have nothing to worry about and its fine i was just over reacting… last night i found out that a few years ago before he was catholic he did some very disturbing things on cam with these girls. Im upset and disgusting, firstly because he told me these girls meant nothing to him and I shouldnt be upset that he talks to them (since we have dating and since he has been catholic he has not done anything dirty with these girls), and he went to confession about a year ago for doing his over cam with these girls. but he never told me until last night when he finally blocked them and deteled them off msn and facebook because he realized how much it hurt me to see that his past been broughten up in our relationship… last night was full of crying and him begging for my forgivness for his past and for not just teling me he had something with these girls before…what should I do?.. he’s coming over tonight and I know that its going to be more crying. I know everyone makes mistakes, I just dont know where to go. This guy made me who I am, into a better person, but this also hurts.

 

[kage_ar]

Your boyfriend has been to Confesson, God has forgiven him. You knowing the grisly details of his past sins does nothing but bring you pain. Unless this impacts your decision to discern marriage with him (he has a past marriage, child, STD), you do not need to know about it. Stop asking him for details.

Pray that God will heal you from the pain.

 

[chevalier]

From the facts that you give, I’m not convinced that he actually lied. Specifically, the fact that he did something wrong with them in the past doesn’t mean that they meant anything to them when he told you they didn’t. You feel betrayed because he didn’t tell you the story, but that doesn’t mean he lied to you.

Don’t confuse being slow to reveal one’s past with offensive and treacherous lying. While his past is hurtful to you, he does not owe you any apology for it, because it was not a sin against you. Also, having gone to confession, he is not required to beat himself mentally over it endlessly. He is not supposed to cry and beg you. Tell him to get up and get his dignity together and respect him even if you have to dump him. This doesn’t mean he was very wise when he kept talking to those girls while dating you and after realising that what he did to them was wrong, but maybe they were his friends or whatever. Ask him. But respect his dignity. On the other hand, be careful and if it *really *looks like he deceived or betrayed you in some way, in that case, don’t allow any crying to divert attention from the matter at hand.

Now, if he did anything with those girls while dating you, that’s a different story. If he actually gave you some false information or omitted some things in a very deceptive way, that’s also a different thing. But from what you say in your post, it doesn’t seem so.

And try to calm your emotions. Maybe take a day or two “off” and collect your feelings and mind, pray some, think some, relax a bit, only then talk to your boyfriend. Don’t do any serious talking or deciding when you are agitated. It only brings bad results (I know from experience). Calm is your friend. And pray.

 

[stefina]

thanks to the both of you!
I am a bit calmer now and thinking about how everyone has made mistakes and I didnt have an innocent past myself, I think this is something I need to take time and need prayer to move on. He did tell me they just talked as friends once he became catholic, and i know he wouldnt do anything bad to me while we are together, i do have respect for him and trust him on that. He doesnt talk to them anymore either cause they were not a big deal to him. My bf has brought me closer to God and I do look up to him at how wise he is with the Lord, I know he is truly upset by this that it got broughten up… I know with prayer and time everything will work itself out.
thank you so much again