lying to dad

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sirius25

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Is it a sin to lie to dad? or lying in general? Can there be exemptions?

My mom and dad are separated and not in good terms. I can’t mention about my mom without my dad getting angry. Nor am I allowed to see her. Sometimes, I’d just lie that I don’t know anything if my dad asks me something about my mom. And whenever I tell the truth, he gets mad coz I’m communicating with her.
 
sirius25 said:
Is it a sin to lie to dad? or lying in general? Can there be exemptions?

My mom and dad are separated and not in good terms. I can’t mention about my mom without my dad getting angry. Nor am I allowed to see her. Sometimes, I’d just lie that I don’t know anything if my dad asks me something about my mom. And whenever I tell the truth, he gets mad coz I’m communicating with her.
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Of course it is not a lie.

I lived my life with it, since I was a child. You are in the middle of a fight and get punched from both sides. You must say what you feel you must say. Period. What you feel you must say it is the truth, what you feel you should not say, it is not the truth.

You must keep your mental sanity ! This is the great truth!

In general, answering your question, the other person has a right to know what she has a right to know, or is entitled to know. If something does not belong to that person, she has no right to it and I have the right not to tell her. If the person asks me how much I earn, she is not entitled to know that, so I may say whatever comes to my mind.
 
Ask yourself what your intention is. Is it to deceive dad or is it to avoid telling him something which would upset him?
 
Well lying is lying. I feel bad your Dad has put you in this situation, not knowing why he
doesn’t want you seeing your Mom, its hard to say anything much more, except is it lying.
 
Without knowing why he is not allowing you to see her, it is hard to say. If he is trying to protect you from dangerous activities she is doing, then you should probably listen to your dad. However, if he is just using you as a pawn and your mom is not involved in illegal activities, he is using you.

It is likely best to not say anything to him if it drives him to anger. Is there a trusted grandparent, aunt, uncle, or another adult who can help you? If you are in school, talk to a trusted teacher or counselor.
 
Catholic90 said:
Without knowing why he is not allowing you to see her, it is hard to say. If he is trying to protect you from dangerous activities she is doing, then you should probably listen to your dad. However, if he is just using you as a pawn and your mom is not involved in illegal activities, he is using you.

It is likely best to not say anything to him if it drives him to anger. Is there a trusted grandparent, aunt, uncle, or another adult who can help you? If you are in school, talk to a trusted teacher or counselor.
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He is using me in a way. He doesn’t want to see her, nor hear anything about her. He tore away all the pictures with mom in it. He is very bitter that she broke up with him. I don’t blame her, their marriage is too stressful. I myself get stressed a lot just watching or hearing them fight almost everyday. Thank God I just met a counsellor today at the prayer meeting I attended. It’s the first time I attended a prayer meeting here after we’ve migrated 3 years ago. I’m definitely gonna talk to her.
 
sirius25 said:
Is it a sin to lie to dad? or lying in general? Can there be exemptions?

My mom and dad are separated and not in good terms. I can’t mention about my mom without my dad getting angry. Nor am I allowed to see her. Sometimes, I’d just lie that I don’t know anything if my dad asks me something about my mom. And whenever I tell the truth, he gets mad coz I’m communicating with her.
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Allowed? At 25? Sorry, he doesn’t have the authority to prohibit you seeing her. She’s your mom, she’ll always be your mom. Regardless of whether you see her as a flawed person you will always want some kind of relationship with her, just like your Dad. And you have a right to. He needs to understand that.

I would explain to him that his interfering in your relationship with your Mom is just going to make you resent him. Explain to him that because you want contact with her doesn’t mean you approve or disapprove. Simply, as a human being you need contact with her. If he loves you, he needs to try and understand.

I would also get him to go to a priest/counseling. He desperately needs to get to a place where he can forgive whatever he is holding against your Mom. Without doing that, he will remain bitter, he will continue living in the past, reliving the hurt and anger of the break up. He needs to put that behind him and it will not happen until he can forgive. The forgiveness isn’t for her-- it’s for himself, to allow him to move on to living forward vice being stuck in the past.
 
As an adult, he can not prohibit you from seeing whomever you want. If you want to see your mom, go see your mom!
 
styrgwillidar said:
Allowed? At 25? Sorry, he doesn’t have the authority to prohibit you seeing her. She’s your mom, she’ll always be your mom. Regardless of whether you see her as a flawed person you will always want some kind of relationship with her, just like your Dad. And you have a right to. He needs to understand that.

I would explain to him that his interfering in your relationship with your Mom is just going to make you resent him. Explain to him that because you want contact with her doesn’t mean you approve or disapprove. Simply, as a human being you need contact with her. If he loves you, he needs to try and understand.

I would also get him to go to a priest/counseling. He desperately needs to get to a place where he can forgive whatever he is holding against your Mom. Without doing that, he will remain bitter, he will continue living in the past, reliving the hurt and anger of the break up. He needs to put that behind him and it will not happen until he can forgive. The forgiveness isn’t for her-- it’s for himself, to allow him to move on to living forward vice being stuck in the past.
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That’s exactly what I told him. He said he doesn’t need counselling. He is too stubborn. I’m still gonna try though now that I’ve met a counsellor.
 
I wouldn’t lie or answer his questions. I would just tell him that your relationship with your mother is not open to discussion with them. Repeat as needed.
 
Arlene said:
I wouldn’t lie or answer his questions. I would just tell him that your relationship with your mother is not open to discussion with them. Repeat as needed.
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I agree.

I would not bring up the subject of your mother when your father is around. If he asks about her (it doesn’t really matter what the context is) you just politely reply that you will not discuss your mother. Then change the subject or be silent. But be pleasant about it. If you don’t speak about your mother then there is nothing to lie about.

If you live with your father or are financially dependent on him then you might want to consider whether his support is worth the trouble.

And don’t bring up the subject of your father when you are around your mother. The same rules should apply.
 
Pfaffenhoffen said:
. If the person asks me how much I earn, she is not entitled to know that, so I may say whatever comes to my mind.
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Interesting, cause when someone asks me how much I earn and I dont want to tell them I just say, “I dont like to talk about that.”

Do you actually make up a false money amount?
 
I guess you have to stay and bear it,

or help your father to grow emotionally by quietly insisting on a balanced set of behavior and responses, and if you can do that, you may also be able to grow into maturity instead of remaining an adult dependent child,

or you can leave and try to do that from outside the paternal home.

The relationship with your Dad isn’t just loving father daughter relationship, but is perhaps co-dependency?

Here is one link from Mental Health America on the subject, but there’s a lot more information out there, including in books. You may like to read and see if you recognize a similar issue in your relationship with your Dad and perhaps can help both him and yourself by recognizing and addressing the problem of co-dependency.
nmha.org/go/codependency
 
Trishie said:
I guess you have to stay and bear it,

or help your father to grow emotionally by quietly insisting on a balanced set of behavior and responses, and if you can do that, you may also be able to grow into maturity instead of remaining an adult dependent child,

or you can leave and try to do that from outside the paternal home.

The relationship with your Dad isn’t just loving father daughter relationship, but is perhaps co-dependency?

Here is one link from Mental Health America on the subject, but there’s a lot more information out there, including in books. You may like to read and see if you recognize a similar issue in your relationship with your Dad and perhaps can help both him and yourself by recognizing and addressing the problem of co-dependency.
nmha.org/go/codependency
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Yes I could very well relate to the article. Thanks
 
tundra1 said:
Interesting, cause when someone asks me how much I earn and I dont want to tell them I just say, “I dont like to talk about that.”

Do you actually make up a false money amount?
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It depends on the mood and on the intention of the question. Look: you must reply to the open question and to the hidden questions. Suppose that someone asks the open question ad the hidden question is:
  1. “Am I superior to you or not? Am I more intelligent to you or not?”
  2. “Though you more brilliant than me, am I earning more than you?”
For the number one, I would give an outrageously high number.
For the number two, I may give a lower figure than real, as I have compassion for them.

Moral of the story. look to the hidden question behind the open one.
 
I finally told dad yesterday my desire to move out to be independent. Then he said I don’t have to move out, he’ll just live downstairs so I can be independent. I told him it’s not just that, it’s about me making my own decisions, me being free… like me being able to see mom if I want to. Then he said he won’t get angry anymore if I see mom.

This morning, he told me he wasn’t able to sleep last night just thinking about me moving out. He was being emotional about me leaving him. He told me he’ll give me the freedom that I want, I don’t have to leave. I didn’t say anything. In my mind, I was telling myself “I’ll think about it”.
 
Sirrus don’t buy it. Saying he was up all night is emotional blackmail. He has alienated you from your mother.

Tell him you are not moving far, but are moving. You will visit him often and you will host him. But his mistakes are too damaging to trust him again.

Move out. Or this will be a conversation you have at 35 or at 45 with a theripist wondering why you never moved on and are not married and have few friends.
 
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