Lying to Spouse

[gavin52]

With the recent threads regarding unfaithfulness I have a follow-up question. Let’s say you ask your spouse if they have been unfaithful and they tell you they have not when indeed they have. Are they sinning? If so, is it a mortal or venial sin?

 

[Tyler_Smedley]

It doesn’t matter for they were already unfaithful with another, so that would be a moral sin in of it’s self…but I think that might be grave matter, don’t know…ask a apoligisist…they would know…

 

[Mt19_26]

Yes they are sinning because lying is a sin. They are being deceitful for their own selfish purposes…unwilling to face the consequences of what they did. Because it deals with grave matter I’d be inclined to say it’s probably mortally sinful to lie about adultery.

 

[gavin52]

Mt19:26:

Yes they are sinning because lying is a sin.

I guess that was a dumb question. Why of course they are sinning! I should have only asked whether it is mortal or venial. Anyway, I’d lean towards it being mortal also because of the grave matter. They are also once again violating their marriage vows because they promised to be TRUE to one another. Lying is not being true.

 

[Prairie212]

While a sin, I believe the great majority of adulterers do not think it’s a sin to lie about it, or, at the very least they think it’s venial. They think they are doing their marriage and their spouse a favor. I believe they are just being selfish and presumptuous. They are playing with fire if they don’t tell the truth. Who knows? Maybe their spouse has solid evidence that they did commit adultery and just wants to hear their spouse admit it. If the spouse lies it just makes everything worse.

 

[stbruno]

www.smartmarriages.com is one place to start. or also the www.familyministries.org website and click on troubled marriages.

Pray, Pray and Pray some more is my recognition for anyone who is troubled by the sin of infidelity. This takes special work by both parties to overcome the evil it does to a marriage.

 

[tuopaolo]

I’m reasonably confident that it would be a venial sin. Here’s what the Catechism says about lying:

2484 The gravity of a lie is measured against the nature of the truth it deforms, the circumstances, the intentions of the one who lies, and the harm suffered by its victims. If a lie in itself only constitutes a venial sin, it becomes mortal when it does grave injury to the virtues of justice and charity.

If a spouse asked you to swear before God that you have been faithful and you swear before God that you have when you haven’t then it would be a mortal sin. There may be some other situations when it would be a mortal sin but I think generally it would be a venial sin. But I’m no expert

 

[gavin52]

tuopaolo:

I’m reasonably confident that it would be a venial sin. Here’s what the Catechism says about lying:

2484 The gravity of a lie is measured against the nature of the truth it deforms, the circumstances, the intentions of the one who lies, and the harm suffered by its victims. If a lie in itself only constitutes a venial sin, it becomes mortal when it does grave injury to the virtues of justice and charity.

Does not lying about adultery increase the gravity of the lie since it deals with grave matter? Not only does it deal with grave matter but it also misleads and deceives the spouse into thinking they are married to a faithful person. When in reality they are married to person that was (and maybe still it) capable of adultery. The lie could also further endanger the fidelity of the marriage because the underlying cause of the adultery was not able to be addressed. This is why I am leaning towards it being a mortal sin.

 

[Benedictus]

tuopaolo:

I’m reasonably confident that it would be a venial sin. Here’s what the Catechism says about lying:

I think it’s pretty safe to say that this would, in fact, be a mortal sin. The lie is about a serious matter that is very important the the innocent spouse. Furthermore, the spouse being lied to will often have a suspicion, and the lie will seriously damage the relationship even more. Innocent spouses will often say that the worst part about adultery is beng lied to.

 

[Mt19_26]

Benedictus:

I think it’s pretty safe to say that this would, in fact, be a mortal sin. The lie is about a serious matter that is very important the the innocent spouse. Furthermore, the spouse being lied to will often have a suspicion, and the lie will seriously damage the relationship even more. Innocent spouses will often say that the worst part about adultery is beng lied to.

Being a victim of infidelity I could not agree more about how much damage lying causes. I became suspecious of my wife and then it was lie after lie after lie before I came upon proof that she had had an affair. Needless to say the trust was severly damaged at that point. Because I saw how she tried to hide her infidelity I wondered about other incidences and sure enough…I stumbled upon another incident that happened very early in our relationship. Seeing first hand what lying did to our marriage and because it’s grave matter it’s a mortal sin.

 

[tuopaolo]

gavin52:

Does not lying about adultery increase the gravity of the lie since it deals with grave matter? Not only does it deal with grave matter but it also misleads and deceives the spouse into thinking they are married to a faithful person. When in reality they are married to person that was (and maybe still it) capable of adultery. The lie could also further endanger the fidelity of the marriage because the underlying cause of the adultery was not able to be addressed. This is why I am leaning towards it being a mortal sin.

gavin, I think maybe you are assuming that if you lie about a mortal sin then the lie itself is a mortal sin. That’s not necessarily true.

I’ve changed my mind now though in that while I still think there are cases in which it wouldn’t be a mortal sin, I am no longer confident that in most cases it would not be mortal sin.

The reason why is because it seems to me that a spouse who is wronged by infidelity has a right to discontinue conjugal relations. But by the guilty party lying about his infidelity to his spouse, he prevents his spouse from exercising this important right. Also the combination of his lying about his infidelity and his continuing to have conjugal relations with his spouse might constitute rape by deceit or something akin to rape by deceit if he knows that had his spouse known his infidelity she would not have chosen to continue conjugal relations. Rape doesn’t have to be just by force. Rape can also be perpetrated by deceit. For example if you pretend to be someone else’s husband (maybe that someone is blind or something, just go with me here) and have sex with her, then you have committed rape since she never really consented to having sex with you.

 

[gavin52]

tuopaolo:

gavin, I think maybe you are assuming that if you lie about a mortal sin then the lie itself is a mortal sin. That’s not necessarily true.

That’s a good point and I am not disagreeing with you but what would be an example of lying about grave matter but the lie only being venial?