Made a bad Confession

[Layp3rs0n]

I was convicted of a possible mortal sin last minute in Confession. Upon realizing it I panicked. I realized, I was unrepentant. I could not bring myself to want or will to give it up. The priest finished the words of absolution and I felt my heart break. I am so distressed right now.

You know what? Here is the sin I realized. I often visit my girlfriend at her house. We snuggle up and watch tv then I go home. Chastity for me has mostly been easy for me lately. I have little to no problems telling myself no.

For her, I think it is more difficult. I am sure she feels tempted by my presence. In other words, I am occasionally a near occasion to her, as she has admitted to wanting to “make out” and stuff. I am guilty of being unwilling to repent of this in the confessional. I love seeing her. She often cooks meals for me. When I am with her at her house I feel at home. I rarely feel that way.

But I still committed sacrilege and feel destitute in spirit now. I want to be able to visit my girlfriend and not tempt her or cause her thoughts to stir. Because I feel so torn I feel worthless. A terrible servant of God. Help.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I fail to see where you sinned ?

Making out with your girlfriend isn’t a sin, unless it involves sex.

Even having the desire to have a sexual relationship with her, isn’t a sin, it’s part of your biology. Having sex outside of marriage of course is a sin, but that’s not what you’re telling us in your post.

I think you need to be careful about becoming scrupulous.

Jim

 

[Ad_Orientem]

Making out with your girlfriend isn’t a sin, unless it involves sex.

I’m sorry, but that is incorrect. Jesus said it is possible to commit a mortal sin with as much as a lustful look (cf. Matt. 5). Granted, not everyone is full of lust when they kiss someone, but “making out” – at least as I understand the term – goes way beyond a mere show of affection. It is one thing to have natural desires; quite another deliberately to arouse and to place one another in near occasions of sin. Okay, don’t be scrupulous – you don’t have to over-analyze every time you look at your girlfriend and think she’s pretty. It’s okay to be human. But don’t throw caution to the wind (“If it’s not sex it’s okay.”)

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I’m sorry, but that is incorrect. Jesus said it is possible to commit a mortal sin with as much as a lustful look (cf. Matt. 5). Granted, not everyone is full of lust when they kiss someone, but “making out” – at least as I understand the term – goes way beyond a mere show of affection. It is one thing to have natural desires; quite another deliberately to arouse and to place one another in near occasions of sin. Okay, don’t be scrupulous – you don’t have to over-analyze every time you look at your girlfriend and think she’s pretty. It’s okay to be human. But don’t throw caution to the wind (“If it’s not sex it’s okay.”)

Looking lustfully at another married woman, is what Jesus was talking about, not being affectionate with one’s girl friend who could one day become his wife.

What you’re saying could cause a person to become psychotic as they inordinately suppress their natural desires.

Sexual desire is part of our biology, along with the desire to show and feel affection with a potential mate. Making out without sex or inappropriate touching is not sinful in the least.

Jim

 

[RoseMary131]

Can you make an appointment to speak with the priest outside of the confessional to discuss your feelings?

You may find that you have not sinned or the priest may help you know how to spend time with your girlfriend without being a near occasion of sin (if in fact you are).

Speaking with your girlfriend about this is also very important.

 

[louisak]

By all means, discuss this with a priest or someone else whose judgments you can trust in moral issues. You need to determine whether a sin was really committed. Even if it was, you can still confess that sin and move on.

Please remember that in order for our confession to be valid, it is not necessary to have perfect contrition. If the only reason you go to confession is because you are afraid of going to Hell, the sacrament is still valid. So, don’t panic. God always meets us where we are.

Above all, don’t let this scare you into avoiding confession in the future. Jesus is always longing to pour His graces upon us, but most people don’t let Him do so. Even many Christians don’t trust in Him fully. Trust in the Lord is the beginning of overcoming any spiritual obstacle.

God bless you.

 

[St_Francis]

Looking lustfully at another married woman, is what Jesus was talking about, not being affectionate with one’s girl friend who could one day become his wife.

What you’re saying could cause a person to become psychotic as they inordinately suppress their natural desires.

Sexual desire is part of our biology, along with the desire to show and feel affection with a potential mate. Making out without sex or inappropriate touching is not sinful in the least.

Jim

Making out is a cery vague term. I suggest you discuss with a priest the parameters of sin in anything which might far under the term.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Making out is a cery vague term. I suggest you discuss with a priest the parameters of sin in anything which might far under the term.

Why are you telling me ?

I’m 62 years old and next month will be married to the woman of my love for 40 years.

Jim

 

[runningdude]

I was convicted of a possible mortal sin last minute in Confession. Upon realizing it I panicked. I realized, I was unrepentant. I could not bring myself to want or will to give it up. The priest finished the words of absolution and I felt my heart break. I am so distressed right now.

You know what? Here is the sin I realized. I often visit my girlfriend at her house. We snuggle up and watch tv then I go home. Chastity for me has mostly been easy for me lately. I have little to no problems telling myself no.

For her, I think it is more difficult. I am sure she feels tempted by my presence. In other words, I am occasionally a near occasion to her, as she has admitted to wanting to “make out” and stuff. I am guilty of being unwilling to repent of this in the confessional. I love seeing her. She often cooks meals for me. When I am with her at her house I feel at home. I rarely feel that way.

But I still committed sacrilege and feel destitute in spirit now. I want to be able to visit my girlfriend and not tempt her or cause her thoughts to stir. Because I feel so torn I feel worthless. A terrible servant of God. Help.

If you make a bad confession one week, the solution is to make a good confession next week.

Guilt however is not part of the authentic Catholic experience. Excessive guilt is often part of a borderline mental illness called scrupulosity. It is spiritually harmful, and has contributed to more people leaving the church than than any one sin.

I would encourage you to speak to your priest next week in the confessional about your concerns regarding excessive guilt. God love’s you, and doesn’t want you harmed by neither sin nor harmed by excessive guilt.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Thank you all for your responses. Perhaps I should have been more clear though. I am not experiencing temptation so much as I worry I am causing her to experience temptation by being alone with her. She respects my decision and doesn’t pressure me to make out and we don’t make out. I am worried tjat as we sit and watch tv (we are both geeks that love watching science documentaries together) the wheels in her head might be wishing to make out. My conundrum is whether I can sit and just watch tv with her as we so love to do without causing her temptation by my presence alone in the house. And I don’t want to have to say to her “Honey, until marriage we cannot ever hang out at your place in case you might lust after me.” If she does lust, she does not generally indicate it.

 

[Bookcat]

If you make a bad confession one week, the solution is to make a good confession next week.
.

Sooner…

And such would involve confessing the bad confession and any other mortal sins from that confession in addition to the hidden mortal sin.

 

[Bookcat]

Thank you all for your responses. Perhaps I should have been more clear though. I am not experiencing temptation so much as I worry I am causing her to experience temptation by being alone with her. She respects my decision and doesn’t pressure me to make out and we don’t make out. I am worried tjat as we sit and watch tv (we are both geeks that love watching science documentaries together) the wheels in her head might be wishing to make out. My conundrum is whether I can sit and just watch tv with her as we so love to do without causing her temptation by my presence alone in the house. And I don’t want to have to say to her “Honey, until marriage we cannot ever hang out at your place in case you might lust after me.” If she does lust, she does not generally indicate it.

Repent and believe the Gospel --and Jesus the Good Shepherd will forgive you and give you true life.

Bring the whole thing to confession (if it was a bad confession -the Priest can assist you there - that will need to be confessed along with any mortal sins in that confession and what was hidden).

You may need further guidance as to what to avoid and what need not be avoided.

 

[Bookcat]

it.

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at EWTN theology dept.

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” under “pure intent”… it would mean before knowing consent…)

Your confessor can assist regarding judging what is a near occasion etc. And what should not be avoided per se but care be taken etc. Sometimes some can get too concerned where they ought not be.

Speculating as to what she might be thinking when your doing something that is not otherwise problematic --may not be the way for you to judge things. He can guide you -especially if he knows you.

 

[runningdude]

Sooner…

And such would involve confessing the bad confession and any other mortal sins from that confession in addition to the hidden mortal sin.

(I don’t think he actually made a mortal sin… I would rather he re-confess to a priest than to the internet, but don’t want to panic and rush him )

 

[St_Francis]

Thank you all for your responses. Perhaps I should have been more clear though. I am not experiencing temptation so much as I worry I am causing her to experience temptation by being alone with her. She respects my decision and doesn’t pressure me to make out and we don’t make out. I am worried tjat as we sit and watch tv (we are both geeks that love watching science documentaries together) the wheels in her head might be wishing to make out. My conundrum is whether I can sit and just watch tv with her as we so love to do without causing her temptation by my presence alone in the house. And I don’t want to have to say to her “Honey, until marriage we cannot ever hang out at your place in case you might lust after me.” If she does lust, she does not generally indicate it.

It is wonderful that you are concerned about causing temptation for her I think it might be a good idea to discuss this with her and the two of you come up with a plan, so she would let you know one way or another than she is feeling tempted, and the n you two have a plan as to what to do. It could be as simple as, I’m not paying enough attention to the movie and the two of you taking a break from the movie and doing something else or one of you moving to a chair for a while.

Being able to discuss and work together on issues like this will strengthen your relationship.

 

[St_Francis]

Why are you telling me ?

I’m 62 years old and next month will be married to the woman of my love for 40 years.

Jim

I hadn’t noticed your age How young you look on the internet!

I suggested you talk with your priest about this because you seem to give this advice from time to time, and I think that it’s vague and could lead others to think that something they think is making out is ok but it is not necessarily what you were thinking about. If you were to discuss this with a priest, I think you could then be more specific, like, kissing your girlfriend at the door is not a sin, but going further than x could be headed into the area of sin.

It could be that things changed some after you were married.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I hadn’t noticed your age How young you look on the internet!

I suggested you talk with your priest about this because you seem to give this advice from time to time, and I think that it’s vague and could lead others to think that something they think is making out is ok but it is not necessarily what you were thinking about. If you were to discuss this with a priest, I think you could then be more specific, like, kissing your girlfriend at the door is not a sin, but going further than x could be headed into the area of sin.

It could be that things changed some after you were married.

I already explained that inappropriate touching or sex is not acceptable.

Kissing and hugging is part of courting.

I have more experience and knowledge on the subject than a young celibate priest who’s struggling with his own temptations.

Jim