Maintaining Balance (Work/Home)

[katesmom]

My husband works Mon thru Fri…40+ hours a week & has a very unpredictable schedule.

I work 22 hours on the weekends (Sat & Sun) I have a set schedule.

We need both jobs to support our family, however I find myself very angry at his job & sometimes hate his job because it takes all of his time & attention. Even when he gets home from work he has tons of paperwork to do. Its a “numbers” driven company & if he does not get his “numbers” up over the next 9 months or so - he is at risk of being replaced. So now a very stressful situation is more stressful because he doesnt want any distractions. I am a distraction when I complain he says.

We never see each other & dont have anyone to help with the children so we can get a date night. We are both exhausted & neither one of us is getting our needs met.

Im considering taking a second shift job 3 nights a week during the week so we can have our weekends back - then I have to think about childcare.

Should I stuff my feelings & just deal with the situation. I cant vent to my husband because it distracts him. Sorry Im bitter

 

[Mommyof02green]

I understand how a job can take away from the family!

Things for us have gotten to the point we can no longer make it on hubby’s income alone.
So I’ve started working. I’m working 3rd shift. (11:00 pm to 3:00 am Monday-Thursday and 5:00-9:00 pm Saturdays) I’m working those hours so we DO NOT have to pay for child-care. Hubby works (8:00 am to 5:00 [5:30] pm Monday-Friday) {Although he brings paper work home and can work later at times}

This gives me all of Sunday to be with my family and Most of Saturday. I’m lucky that my hubby schedule is pretty predictable in that I know he will be off work at 5:00 pm or 5:30 pm the latest. However, the paper work can tie him up all night or Saturday Mornings.

It’s been a struggle for me to find balance and be up during the day for the kids. Luckily most days they are at school so I get a few hours to myself to sleep in the morning. However, I still need to be up at a reasonable hour to do chores around the house and run errands that need to be run.

Then of course there are NO school days and such to contend with! Meaning I have to be up for the kids then. The major benefit beside NO child-care cost there’s NO calling the boss and telling them you can’t make it because your child is sick or trying to get off work early because you have to pick up a sick kid, etc. (Plus I can be at the school to help out and go on field-trips etc)

I think what you need to do is 1) Find out if it’s possible to even get a 3rd shift job in your area. 2) Answer questions such as: When will I sleep? Who will get the kids to school or on the bus? Who will make dinner? Or get the kids to bed? (especially if you choose to go to bed when hubby gets home). When will I get time to be with the family?

After going through all of those types of question and you still think that it may “work” sit down with your husband and see what he thinks about it all. I understand how your work schedules are such that you may not feel there is time to talk.

However, there has to be time to talk. You can approach him sometime in the evening before going to bed. You can explain to him that it doesn’t need to be “solved” today. It just some things you have been thinking about and wanted his (name removed by moderator)ut. He doesn’t have to today in the next few days would be good.

This would let him know your thinking about it and had some running ideas on how it could work out. Also explain to him why you are thinking of making the change.

Whatever you do you shouldn’t, in my opinion, stuff your feelings.
You could always just write a letter ONLY using I statements. Then just give him the letter and he can read it on his time.

I feel that working 3rd shift would be better for us as a family because I will…

I understand that work is demanding and takes up a lot of time, especially in the evening here at home, however I feel that me NOT working on the weekend would help because it will allow us to…

 

[DJgang]

Do talk to your husband. Trust me. Don’t hold it all in…I mean, don’t be accusing him of anything…go to him in hopes that you can talk about a solution together. It may be as simple as him not doing paperwork for an hour two nights a week and you two just spend time together on the front porch or something.

Seriously…talk to him. You two are a team. Be strength to him and allow him to be strength for you…if you start trying to worry all alone, resentment will build up and build up and it’s really hard to work it all out then.

You MUST take the time to talk. You MUST pay a little attention to each other.

I will pray for you.

 

[Rebelecka]

It sounds like his job sucks lemons! Has he thought about looking for another job? He could take some vacation time to do just that. His complaints about “distraction” sound like someone who is burnt out. If his job won’t allow vacation time :bigyikes: he really needs a new job! Is it possible for you to make enough money to support him for a little while so he could quit and look for a new job? It would be hard but it might be worth it.