Major worries for my mother

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Zundrah

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My mother moved a little over 80 miles away just before Christmas. She left me a Christmas card saying all the usuals except that at the bottom she wrote “P.S I’ve moved”.

She changed her mobile number and never even left her address on the card.

She doesn’t use the Internet anymore or has avoided using her original accounts.

I’ve been worrying to the point of sickness about her. She took to a very violent and spiteful partner a matter of months before she left and the worse part is that she moved just 3 doors away from his mothers house who he is also aggressive towards as well.

I have no way of contacting her at all and by all good reason I can’t stop thinking about her.

He already had struck her over the head when she was still living nearby me and split her head open. That was just after a few months of them being together. …but she still continued to be with him.

What can I do? Me and my sister have no idea of how to get to her.
 
Well, you seem to know where she is so go to her house and check on her, obtain her new address and phone number. Let her know you are concerned for her welfare and are available for her any time she needs you. You can also give her the number to an abuse hotline.

I am not sure what else you can do, except that if you witness assault against her you can and should call the police and file a report.
 
1ke said:
Well, you seem to know where she is so go to her house and check on her, obtain her new address and phone number. Let her know you are concerned for her welfare and are available for her any time she needs you. You can also give her the number to an abuse hotline.

I am not sure what else you can do, except that if you witness assault against her you can and should call the police and file a report.
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I don’t know her address but I know what borough she moved into. That can’t help me locate her.
 
What a horrible situation! My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Please, keep us posted if there are any developments.

Have you tried locating the guy or the mother? If he’s trying to isolate her, phone numbers, addresses, etc. might be in their names. If you get in touch with him, you might have to play nice to him just to have access to her. I know if a man laid a hand on my mother, I would just want to wring his neck.

Is she a church-goer? If you know what borough she lives in, you could try to check the church on Sunday. It’s a long-shot, but might be worth a try.
 
Zundrah said:
I don’t know her address but I know what borough she moved into. That can’t help me locate her.
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You indicated she was three doors down from his mother. That seemed to indicate you knew where she was.

Do you not know where she (the boyfriend’s mother) lives or her name to look her up in the phone book?

If you truly cannot locate her, then you can pray for her and that she will contact you. Also let her friends know to contact you if they receive any info.

I mean, I guess you could hire an investigator to find her if you have the resources to do so.
 
1ke said:
You indicated she was three doors down from his mother. That seemed to indicate you knew where she was.

Do you not know where she (the boyfriend’s mother) lives or her name to look her up in the phone book?

If you truly cannot locate her, then you can pray for her and that she will contact you. Also let her friends know to contact you if they receive any info.

I mean, I guess you could hire an investigator to find her if you have the resources to do so.
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Before she moved she said she was going to buy the house 3 doors from his mum. It was his idea. She never told us the address though.

I think maybe I could go to a police station and tell them the situation and see what my options are.
 
Your mother appears to be the victim of a person with abusive tendencies. Your mother may have wanted a relationship in the beginning but seems to be caught up in something far beyond her control.

Actually, there are several things you can do to help your mother even though she is far away. The first is to lift her up to Jesus to protect her. Also call upon the Holy Spirit to be your guide and give you insight as you go about getting your mother help.

Secondly, find out what agencies are out there that can assist you with your mother’s situation. Don’t let anything stop you as your mother is entirely at the mercy of this other individual. If you have to, go to your mother’s new residence as often as you can to check up on her so that you can see for yourself what’s going on and then take the necessary action.

Your mother may have gotten herself into a situation but if you rely on the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit as you take action (faith) against this person, you will begin to see God’s hand as you move towards helping your mother.

God Bless
 
Starting with the police is a good idea. Do you have a copies of the hospital records? Were their police reports filed - those will be helpful. Find a private investigator as well. Contact Catholic Charities for more help as well.
 
Zundrah said:
Before she moved she said she was going to buy the house 3 doors from his mum. It was his idea. She never told us the address though.

I think maybe I could go to a police station and tell them the situation and see what my options are.
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You can pay for a People Search. She may not have any current records but he will. Do you know his mother’s name? If the property is in her name you may have to go that way first. Paying the fee would be worth it to track him down. I would be very worried if it were me, and I would pursue it until I found her. Does she have any money or other assets?
 
TheRealJuliane said:
You can pay for a People Search. She may not have any current records but he will.
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I don’t even know his full name but I know where his house is. He is never there since she left. So I have at least, that address.
Do you know his mother’s name?
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No.
If the property is in her name you may have to go that way first. Paying the fee would be worth it to track him down. I would be very worried if it were me, and I would pursue it until I found her.
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At first I felt there were no options but now I see that there is in fact some real hope here.

So glad I mentioned this now.
Does she have any money or other assets?
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When she sold her house she then purchased a cheaper one which she wasn’t going to do before she met him. I really believe he is in this for the benefits. He clearly doesn’t care about her and the things he has said to her make me feel ill.

He is, I might add, a heroin addict.
 
Cryptic1 said:
Your mother appears to be the victim of a person with abusive tendencies. Your mother may have wanted a relationship in the beginning but seems to be caught up in something far beyond her control.

Actually, there are several things you can do to help your mother even though she is far away. The first is to lift her up to Jesus to protect her. Also call upon the Holy Spirit to be your guide and give you insight as you go about getting your mother help.

Secondly, find out what agencies are out there that can assist you with your mother’s situation. Don’t let anything stop you as your mother is entirely at the mercy of this other individual. If you have to, go to your mother’s new residence as often as you can to check up on her so that you can see for yourself what’s going on and then take the necessary action.

Your mother may have gotten herself into a situation but if you rely on the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit as you take action (faith) against this person, you will begin to see God’s hand as you move towards helping your mother.

God Bless
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She was once in a violent relationship for ten years. So I think this has happened so suddenly and so easily because she has simply gone back to how she use to be. Some women do that don’t they, without even thinking it’s just like a protocol.
 
Zundrah said:
I don’t even know his full name but I know where his house is. He is never there since she left. So I have at least, that address.

No.

At first I felt there were no options but now I see that there is in fact some real hope here.

So glad I mentioned this now.

When she sold her house she then purchased a cheaper one which she wasn’t going to do before she met him. I really believe he is in this for the benefits. He clearly doesn’t care about her and the things he has said to her make me feel ill.

He is, I might add, a heroin addict.
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There are always ways and means, especially in this internet age. Lots more stuff can be done on line than in the past. You can do the first stages of a detective’s work yourself, thanks to people searches, which don’t cost a lot.

Prayer works miracles, and I will specifically add your mother to mine. I said a lot of Hail Marys with no specific intentions last night, I will ask Mary if those can be credited to her retroactively. 🙂

Your last sentence gives me very grave concerns. Does she use as well? Addicts tend to hang out with other addicts, or enablers. And sometimes the enablers then become addicts.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
There are always ways and means, especially in this internet age. Lots more stuff can be done on line than in the past. You can do the first stages of a detective’s work yourself, thanks to people searches, which don’t cost a lot.

Prayer works miracles, and I will specifically add your mother to mine. I said a lot of Hail Marys with no specific intentions last night, I will ask Mary if those can be credited to her retroactively. 🙂

Your last sentence gives me very grave concerns. Does she use as well? Addicts tend to hang out with other addicts, or enablers. And sometimes the enablers then become addicts.
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There is good news, I found her.

The bad news; she wasn’t happy about it.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
Why? What did she have to say?
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She was furious. She shouted at me through the phone right from start to finish. She was also extremely drunk.

She lied by saying that she called me 100+ times on my phone and left me messages. Which is a blatant lie since obviously the messages and missed calls would be there.

When I asked her why she just got up and left us without any form of contact she simply went back to the missed calls excuse, which never happened.

She complained that I asked her partner (who she says she isn’t with anymore) for her address and he gave it to me. She said that she can only try contacting me for so long and then she will just stop bothering, start retracting and living for herself. but she never called me, she’s lying.

She left just before Christmas, it’s been this long. She never asked about my sister or her 2 kids. I think she just doesn’t care or even want to know how we are.
 
I went to the partners house and left a letter there saying that if he doesn’t call me on this number and give me her address I will go to the local police station and express my concerns for my mothers disappearance because of his violent nature and drug addiction.

He called me trying to start a massive argument but I told him straight to just text the address of her house to me. So he hung up and did it.

Next day was when my mum called me on my phone screaming and shouting.
 
hannajomar said:
Well, I’m sorry to see the second part. God bless you, and your family.
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Thank you. Even though I was worried about her, part of me wished I never got in contact with her now. Her response to it was hurtful.
 
Zundrah said:
Thank you. Even though I was worried about her, part of me wished I never got in contact with her now. Her response to it was hurtful.
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I am sorry to hear of her response, but at the very least, you know she’s alive. The man may have beaten her after he had to give you her location.

What a mess.

😦
 
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