Making Amends After Confession

[dottykins12]

I am new to Catholicism in general, and have been very interested in Eastern Catholicism. I currently live in an area with only Protestant churches around, so I have no priests (Latin or Eastern) to ask this question of.

I have done much research into Confession and understand it as well as I can without ever having gone. My question is more about making amends after Confession. I have grown up understanding that it is very important to make amends with those I have hurt through my sins, but there are sins which I can confess to God and to a priest but I can’t confess to those I have hurt by my sins (such as people from high school or college that I’m no longer in touch with). Will a priest understand that I can’t make amends with those people? Will it affect my absolution that I’m unable to ask for forgiveness from those people?

This might seem like a strange question, and I’m not sure I explained it very well. I can try to elaborate more if that will help.

Thanks!

 

[maltmom]

I could be wrong, but I don’t think we have to go back and ask forgiveness of those we have wronged in the past. It wouldn’t be a requirement for absolution. We confess with a contrite heart and we are forgiven and given penance. It would be nice to tell someone you are sorry. If you stole from someone than repaying them would be a good idea.

I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong. I’m Roman Catholic so Eastern may be different.

 

[onceablasphemer]

I bet there is a church somewhere close by you, you just aren’t aware of it. Go to www.masstimes.org and put in your zip code. May Almighty God bless you and keep you in your journey.

 

[Edmundus1581]

A confessor cannot **impose **any conditions on absolution which would require the penitent to disclose his sins to someone else. He may recommend strongly that a serious criminal turn himself in, or that the penitent apologise to someone he has injured, but it cannot be a condition of absolution. I’ve read that in several places, but I apologise for not having a reference available. I understand that it derives from the seal of the confessional in canon law.

So the priest would not make such amends a condition for absolution.

Would he even recommend it? He might well do, in the way that any person with a sense of justice would recommend that we go to **reasonable effort ** to make amends to those we have harmed.

In my fifties I still recall people that I insulted or harmed in my past - ten, twenty, thirty, even fourty years ago. None are serious enough, in my opinion, to seek the person out after all these years and make amends, however I have a mental list of people who, if the chance arises, I will apologise to.

So, I expect that a priest in confession would ask no more of you than any other reasonable person would.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I should add that if I can’t (reasonably) make amends for an injury from long ago, I do say a prayer for the person.

 

[dottykins12]

I see. It makes much more sense now. So, if you lied to someone or were unkind but have no way to apologize, your confession would still be valid. That is very much a relief. I like the idea of saying a prayer, too. Thank you all for your kind, thoughtful answers!

 

[Contarini]

I am new to Catholicism in general, and have been very interested in Eastern Catholicism. I currently live in an area with only Protestant churches around, so I have no priests (Latin or Eastern) to ask this question of.

It’s pretty hard to find a place in the U.S. (if that’s where you live) that is more than about half an hour’s drive away from a Catholic church, in my experience. I grew up in East Tennessee, which is a very non-Catholic part of the country, but we still had about one Catholic church per county. You may just not be noticing them–have you tried the Internet?

Edwin

 

[dottykins12]

I did some searching this morning and found one a little over 30 minutes away in another tiny town, so I will be checking it out as soon as I can. It seems that it’s very small and meets in another church’s building and has no website. I actually resorted to calling city halls to see if they knew of any. I will try this with other towns around to see if there are others that are like that.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I see. It makes much more sense now**. So, if you lied to someone or were unkind but have no way to apologize, your confession would still be valid**. That is very much a relief. I like the idea of saying a prayer, too. Thank you all for your kind, thoughtful answers!

Just repeating - definitely yes! In fact, even if there were a way to apologise, a confessor is not allowed to impose that as a condition for absolution. The confessor will only recommend the same amends that any reasonable person would.

 

[smad0142]

A confessor cannot **impose **any conditions on absolution which would require the penitent to disclose his sins to someone else. He may recommend strongly that a serious criminal turn himself in, or that the penitent apologise to someone he has injured, but it cannot be a condition of absolution. I’ve read that in several places, but I apologise for not having a reference available. I understand that it derives from the seal of the confessional in canon law.

So the priest would not make such amends a condition for absolution.

Would he even recommend it? He might well do, in the way that any person with a sense of justice would recommend that we go to **reasonable effort ** to make amends to those we have harmed.

In my fifties I still recall people that I insulted or harmed in my past - ten, twenty, thirty, even fourty years ago. None are serious enough, in my opinion, to seek the person out after all these years and make amends, however I have a mental list of people who, if the chance arises, I will apologise to.

So, I expect that a priest in confession would ask no more of you than any other reasonable person would.

Do you at least have an idea of where you read it so as to point us in the right direction? Thanks for the post!

 

[Edmundus1581]

Do you at least have an idea of where you read it so as to point us in the right direction? Thanks for the post!

I was hoping that no one would ask, or that someone else would present it

I am very confident that it is true, however this is a reasonable request, so I’ll get back to you on it. That’s a promise - but please give me a day or two.

The problem is that there are no obvious keywords here to narrow down a search. Searches such as “seal of confessional penance reparation absolution” present numerous results, with similar common, and well known, answers. Of course, you will be wanting something in canon law, or in an expert commentary, rather than just another statement in a forum of what I have already said.

 

[SecretGarden]

I believe confession is an act of accountability which means if after confession, an particular action is still bothering someone for example if they did an action against a person, one should try to make it right. Depending on what it is, it might mean tracking someone from the past and tell them you are sorry. For example, there was someone, I hadn’t seen in years which was fine. He was a total jerk in High school, when he saw me, he apologized for being a jerk. Time doesn’t heal all hurts which is why when someone does wrong, it’s important to fess up, take responsibility and face one’s actions. The repercussions may not be fun for example if someone committed a crime, means they will have to face the consequences of it.

This action can also free both the person who committed the action and the person who was hurt, from the past pain. Depending on the action, forgiveness may not be possible, however it’s always important to try. Just because one confesses a sin in confession doesn’t free one 100% from it. Often it’s also confronting the person where the pain was inflicted which can provide the greatest peace of all. If the person has passed away or it’s not possible to locate the person, write a letter stating everything one would have said in person.

Taking responsibility for one’s actions is another way which can also bring one closer to God.

 

[Nils]

I have been told that a Priest normally does not give absolution unless the criminal turns himself in, at least when it comes to serious crimes where it will hurt people that they are not yet solved. Murder would be one example…

Someone very close to me actually gave back everything he had stolen, sometimes three times the value. He even sent money to the train companies and subway companies to pay for his “free rides”. I do not believe his confessor put this as a requirement for him being forgiven though…

Wrongs that we should not bring up are things that will hurt the people involved. If you have fantasies about your brothers wife, do not tell him even though you cheated on him in your heart. The same goes for mean gossip about someone etc.

Your friend in Jesus,
Nils

 

[Edmundus1581]

Do you at least have an idea of where you read it so as to point us in the right direction? Thanks for the post!

I have posted some references below. In summary, a priest can require you to make satisfaction to people you have harmed, but he cannot require you to turn yourself into the law (except where this would be required to protect an innocent person from being accused of the crime), and he cannot delay absolution until the satisfaction is made. As always, the absolution is performed when the penitent accepts the penance in the confessional, not when he or she completes it. A priest would never impose satisfaction that were impossible, or whose difficulty were out of proportion to the offence. (the references don’t say this last part, but I think it can be inferred).

CCC #1459

Satisfaction

1459 Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much.

(emphasis added)

Jimmy Akin

A priest cannot make his absolution conditional on you going and confessing a crime–i.e.,** he can’t assign it as a penance that you go tell the police (or anyone else) **what you did.

(emphasis added)

Questions and Answers on Confession. IMPRIMATUR: Joannes Gregorius Murray, Archiepiscopus Sancti Pauli. Written by Fr. Chas. M. Carty and Rev. Dr. L. Rumble, M.S.C

1. What of the thief who is not discovered by the police?

The priest orders him to make restitution, giving back to the owner the money or goods stolen. Only when he promises to do so will he receive absolution for his sin before God. But the penitent is not obliged to give himself up to the police. It is their business to prove the crime and arrest him.

RCIA Resources

Catholic New Service

VATICAN CITY (CNS) – A priest who confesses sexual abuse in the sacrament of penance should be absolved and should generally not be encouraged by the confessor to disclose his acts publicly or to his superiors, a Vatican official said.
…
…
Other Vatican officials, who spoke on background, said a distinction should be drawn between what a confessor requires of a penitent as a condition for absolution, and what the confessor may strongly encourage the penitent to do.

In the case of priestly sexual abuse, for example, a confessor may want to recommend that a priest discuss the situation with superiors in order to avoid the occasion of future sins, they said. Publicly admitting the sin might even be required of a penitent if it would clear the name of another person unjustly accused of the same act, they said.

Rite of Individual Confession

He will then give you a penance to say or to do. Example: “For your penance say three Hail Marys
and two Our Fathers,” or “For your penance apologize to your friend.

Fr. Timothy Johnson

Question: Also, I must return stolen goods, and some of these I will not be able to return for some time (when I have the money to do so basically). Does this hinder my being forgiven? – as in, am I still forgiven although I cannot as of yet make complete reparation?

Answer:** Forgiveness is not contingent upon the completion of the satisfaction, it is dependant upon the interior disposition to do penance and the resolve to make satisfaction** as part of the process of full conversion. You are on the right track… Just make your satisfaction when you are able. (emphasis added)

I believe that I have one more reference to a morals manual, by a theologian, which addresses this very well, and particularly mentions that the satisfaction should not require one to disclose ones sins to anyone else, and not just the police, but it (the reference) is on another computer which is currently out-of-service. The computer should be back soon, so I’ll try to post that too.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I have been told that a Priest normally does not give absolution unless the criminal turns himself in, at least when it comes to serious crimes where it will hurt people that they are not yet solved. Murder would be one example…

Someone very close to me actually gave back everything he had stolen, sometimes three times the value. He even sent money to the train companies and subway companies to pay for his “free rides”. I do not believe his confessor put this as a requirement for him being forgiven though…

Wrongs that we should not bring up are things that will hurt the people involved. If you have fantasies about your brothers wife, do not tell him even though you cheated on him in your heart. The same goes for mean gossip about someone etc.

Your friend in Jesus,
Nils

Good post. Thankyou!

From my reading, I agree with all this, with one clarification: that the turning oneself in for a serious crime is only required when there is danger of someone else being accused of it. Whether the priest would delay absolution until such happened, I’m not sure.

 

[smad0142]

Thanks Edmunds!

 

[router123]

well as long as you truly seek forgiveness i do not think you have to pay each one a visit and do so.