Making an actual GOOD confession: counting

[Butterfly46107]

I’ve been trying to make a good confession this Sunday and I don’t really know how to do it. People have told me multiple of times on how to do it and how they do it, but I’m still overwhelmed and super stressed out about it.

I know you’re supposed to say the numbers of times you’ve done your sin. But since your first confession, it’s going to be probably high in numbers. Instead of saying, “I’ve committed the sin of gossip, about a million times” How else could you say it? I was thinking if I’ve sinned with gossip an avg about 2xs a day for 25 years of doing so, that would come out to be, 72,800.

My thinking is if I’ve done gossip 2xs a day, that’s 14 times a week, which would be 56 times a month, which if I did it for one year that would be 2,912 times a year times that for 25 years that’s 72, 800. Do you actually have to say you’ve done that specific sin that many times?

 

[RoseScented]

When it’s been a while since I’ve gone to confession and I have a particular sin I struggle with I just say this: “I’ve committed x-sin (many times, very frequently, a lot) in the past y-months/years”.

This is because I usually can’t remember how many times it actually is and boiling it down to some averages and math equation doesn’t sit well with me because the number most likely won’t be correct. If the priest wants clarification I leave it to him to ask. In general I try to at least choose a word that conveys if it’s a sin I do often or if it’s a sin I don’t do frequently, but with the amount of time I can’t remember how few times it is.

 

[Zaccheus]

It’s not necessary to give a number unless the priest asks for one. Just say ‘many times’ or ‘frequently’ or say that you have a habit of committing that sin.

Or if it’s your first confession, tell the priest that. He will know you’re talking about a lifetime and won’t expect anything like precise numbers.

 

[Butterfly46107]

The people in my church have said to say a number. Saying one words to describe things is vague. I’ve heard we aren’t supposed to be vague in confession. “Sometimes, a lot of times, I don’t know, etc” I was reading a site about it, and it said don’t do this, which was “a lot of times this and that” because it makes the confession longer and the priest ends up talking more thn you do

 

[cannotdecide]

With all due respect, the problem with saying phrases like “very frequently” or “many times” is that they are too vague and could have different meanings depending on the person. I believe this is partly why it is required for mortal sins to be named and numbered.

https://www.communityofhopeinc.org/Catholic Beliefs/Examination.html

 

[TheIttyBitty]

“between”…(or other similar words) may help

between 1-10x, between 10,000-50,000x, between 0-2x a day, etc…

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

The people in my church have said to say a number.

You can just say “many” if you don’t know an exact number. The people in your church need to remember the virtues of common sense.

 

[RoseScented]

With all due respect, the problem with saying phrases like “very frequently” or “many times” is that they are too vague and could have different meanings depending on the person.

Like I said, if the priest thinks it’s too vague or wants more he’ll ask. It does no one any good to stress out before confession trying to work out a math equation to get an average of how often they do something if they can’t remember the number. If someone is in mortal sin but can’t remember the number it’s better for them to get to confession and work with the priest.

 

[CRV]

When its been so many yrs and when we honestly cant recall how many times or how often to be able to give an estimate e.g. “gossip about 2 x week on average for X many years” OR you can say for many times over many years.

Number and kind only applies to any mortal sins you’ve committed since your last good confession.

A valid confession is one where you do not deliberately withhold a mortal sin iow, you’ve remembered it but refuse to confess it.

Sorrow for your sins.

A firm resolve at the time of confession to sin no more.

The acceptance of penance given.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

Only mortal sins have to be confessed by description and number. If someone has been away from the sacraments for quite some time, the best thing they can do is just “ballpark” it, and if the priest accepts that, you just let it go. What’s done is done, mathematical precision isn’t always possible.

But I don’t believe you can just say “many”, “several”, and so on. Again, just say “I can’t remember exactly how many times”, give it your best guess, and then let it go.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

I mean, does anyone think God would actually decline reconciliation with someone who earnestly desires it, but doesn’t know an exact number and just says “many times over the past 5 years” or something?

Obviously you can’t be misleading (saying “several” or “more than once” when you actually know it’s 500+) but sometimes legalism has to give way to common sense.

 

[Butterfly46107]

“new catholic, what’s that mean?”

I’ve only been studying catholicism for about 4 years now. I came into the vatican 2 church in 2017, which I moved to another more traditional, but that was still vatican 2, and so on pretty much. I like the older catholic church better than the one that is present today, so I try to follow that.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

I like the older catholic church better than the one that is present today, so I try to follow that.

The church is the same church that existed in the year 100.

If you mean you like older styles of liturgy, that’s fine. But it’s the same church.

 

[twf]

But I don’t believe you can just say “many”, “several”, and so on. Again, just say “I can’t remember exactly how many times”, give it your best guess, and then let it go.

Over the years, I’ve said “several” or “many” in many confessions with many priests and have never once been called out for it. When I’ve done this, its been because I don’t know exactly how many times I’ve committed a particular sin. Sadly, for many people struggling with particular grave sins, often of a sexual nature, its not easy to remember the exact number of times unless you’re going to confession every few days.

On the other hand, if I know I committed a particular sin once, or twice, or three times…I specify such. When you’re past the three times mark, it can get hazy in your mind.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

But I don’t believe you can just say “many”, “several”, and so on. Again, just say “I can’t remember exactly how many times”, give it your best guess, and then let it go.

Over the years, I’ve said “several” or “many” in many confessions with many priests and have never once been called out for it. When I’ve done this, its been because I don’t know exactly how many times I’ve committed a particular sin. Sadly, for many people struggling with particular grave sins, often of a sexual nature, its not easy to remember the exact number of times unless you’re going to confession every few days.

On the other hand, if I know I committed a particular sin once, or twice, or three times…I specify such. When you’re past the three times mark, it can get hazy in your mind.

If the priest is okay with no more precision than that, then fine. I once heard that confession is 90 percent contrition and 10 percent precision.

 

[twf]

That said, I think that if you’re able to get more precise, that is better…if its been a couple months, say, since your last confession, you might be able to say “I committed this sin about once or twice a week”.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

That said, I think that if you’re able to get more precise, that is better…if its been a couple months, say, since your last confession, you might be able to say “I committed this sin about once or twice a week”.

I’m with you, if you can confess a precise number of mortal sins (God forbid you would have even one!), you should. I was referring more to people who have been away from the sacraments for a long time, have fallen into sinful habits, wish to break with their ways, but have no idea how many times they’ve committed this sin or that one. It shouldn’t be that hard, then, to say “I drank myself into a stupor about three times a week for the past ten years” or “I had sex on the average of once every couple of weeks for the past five years”. That’s the kind of scenario I was looking for.

 

[InThePew]

“Lots” is perfectly fine. We need to move away from this idea of the Sacrament being some sort of transaction whereby a certain number of sins are exchanged for the corresponding number of Hail Marys or whatever. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is supposed to be a healing encounter with Christ the Divine Physician. The priest needs some idea of the number of times in order to determine the spiritual needs of the penitent based on the frequency with which they’re troubled by serious sins. Lots is perfectly fine for this purpose.

@butterfly46107 Tell the priest when you go in that you’re nervous, that it’s been a whole and you’re really not confident about what you’ve got to do and let him guide you.

One also wants to make sure the parish at which they are making their confession is in Communion with the Pope and the priest hearing their confession possesses the proper faculties.

If the pariah is listed on the diocesan website then it’s in communion. If the priest is hearing confessions then he has faculties - it really is just that simple.

 

[brown_bear]

Only mortal sins have to be confessed by description and number.

Exactly!

There is no obligation to confess venial sins, let alone specify the number.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

Only mortal sins have to be confessed by description and number.

Exactly!

There is no obligation to confess venial sins, let alone specify the number.

True, but it is good to do so, especially “besetting” venial sins that have become more like a lifestyle accessory, so ingrained in one’s being that they have become part of you.