Making an actual GOOD confession: counting

[Kima]

You only need to give an estimate for your mortal sins. You may do it on the others as well, but there is no need to.

 

[Anesti33]

What you actually need to do is satisfy your confessor about the nature of your mortal sins, their gravity, your habit, and the frequency. However you achieve that is always a negotiation, and most folks enjoy a steady confessor who will forge a relationship with you. Canon law specifies “kind and number” of sins, but confessors have a much wider range of latitude. Personally, no confessor has ever asked me how many times I’ve committed a sin, if I didn’t volunteer it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I believe this is partly why it is required for mortal sins to be named and numbered.

It’s not “required” that they be “numbered”. When I went back to confession after 18 years away, I certainly couldn’t remember the exact amount of times I committed Grave Sins X, Y and Z during that time. I said things like “Over the course of 2 years I did X” or “Many times I did Y over about 10 years.”

The priest was fine with it, did not ask for more detail, expressed happiness that I was back confessing, and absolved me.

If a priest thinks he needs to know the exact number of times, he will ask, but obviously the priest is not going to expect someone who has been away from confession for a long time to have a perfect memory for number of times they sinned.

most folks enjoy a steady confessor who will forge a relationship with you.

Some do and some don’t. Since many of us prefer anonymous confession, a priest isn’t going to be “forging a relationship” with an anonymous person behind a screen. Even if he suspected who the penitent was, he couldn’t be letting on that he knows it’s Joe Smith if Joe Smith has chosen to go anonymously.

“Lots” is perfectly fine. We need to move away from this idea of the Sacrament being some sort of transaction whereby a certain number of sins are exchanged for the corresponding number of Hail Marys or whatever. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is supposed to be a healing encounter with Christ the Divine Physician. The priest needs some idea of the number of times in order to determine the spiritual needs of the penitent based on the frequency with which they’re troubled by serious sins. Lots is perfectly fine for this purpose.

Thank you, Father, for your common sense priestly perspective on this thread.