Making out with postpartum wife question

[codefro]

Hey all,

So I know during the healing process my wife and
I can’t have sex, but because we miss the intimacy sometimes we will kiss and kiss some more.

Anyways, out of excitement if the guy should leak semen, is that going too far? Not final ejaculation, but leaking. Is it a sin?

 

[Monster_Simpson]

Lovely(!) And I know I’m not that knowledgeable on catholic opinions on sin but from what I’ve read on this forum that sounds like a sin, you ought to go to confession.

 

[kwdayboise]

Sin generally requires intent. If you were stimulating yourself intentionally to climax that’s one thing (not a horrible thing, in my thinking, but others would view it differently). How your body reacts as a normal process without intention would generally not be thought of as sin, although your body may be giving you some guidance on where your limits are on making out.

Congratulations on being a parent, by the way. I honestly think a child is lucky to be raised with parents who can show true affection for each other. But, like anything in life, it’s good to know one’s limits.

 

[Skeptic92]

Sin generally requires intent.

+1

 

[sophomorov]

I myself am wondering if the questioner is aware that there is a difference between the lubrication that is produced by the prostate and sperm. I have heard that sperm can sometimes be leaked without ejaculation but I don’t think this is typical. How this difference affects the morality I don’t know but the type of stimulation required for lubrication to begin is quite minimal. I always have attached the morality of stimulation to intention to approach ejaculation. Since lubrication can be produced with pretty innocent marital romance and even thoughts; I tend to think that it would be a little heavy handed to treat the production of lube in the same way as an ejaculation. But I’m ready to be educated if I’m wrong.
Congratulations on the newbie. I’m a man still in the postpartum abstinence as well.

 

[underacloud]

No sin at all, in my opinion.

As for whether the leak is merely lubricant or actually contains semen, this is morally moot. There is no intention to sin - that is, the couple is not arousing themselves in order to deliberately ejaculate in a non-procreative manner. They are merely expressing affection with arousal as a natural unintended effect (based on the OPs explanation).

While it isn’t sinful, IMO, I’d still suggest it’s reached a point where it’s unwise. Once the male is so excited that he’s leaking, there’s a couple of potential problems: a) it can become hard to stop once arousal reaches a certain point, so this sort of making out could become a near occasion of sin for any given couple and b) when a male gets that excited and doesn’t ejaculate, it can become very uncomfortable - sorry for getting graphic, but “blue balls” is a geniune problem that should be avoided. Many couples who need to abstain for a time (postpartum, during NFP, etc) come to the conclusion that it’s better to avoid too much intimacy of this manner because of this effect (which can apparently affect females too?).

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Sin generally requires intent. If you were stimulating yourself intentionally to climax that’s one thing (not a horrible thing, in my thinking, but others would view it differently).

It’s not “others” who view it differently, but the Church who says such acts are gravely sinful. These are not things which are open to our own person opinions.

 

[kwdayboise]

It’s not “others” who view it differently, but the Church who says such acts are gravely sinful. These are not things which are open to our own person opinions.

I’ve seen the topic covered quite well elsewhere. The word “horrible” was chosen specifically. There are a cathedral-full of nuances to what elevates certain acts to the level of mortal sin. And, whether that would still be elevated to the horror of, say, satisfying oneself with another partner, there’s little doubt it wouldn’t. In this particular case intent, knowledge, and other factors come to bear.

In short, sin is not an opinion, horror is.