Making sure not to do things compulsively?

[Kathrin]

I wonder if I did the right thing…
I lit a candle at our church and wrote something in the prayer intentions book.
Then I left again, and something happened that didn’t happen for the first time: I felt like I had to light another candle for somebody else too.
Just when I came out of the church yard (!!!), a man kind of “came on to me”, like wanted to invite me home or something. I made it clear to him that I wasn’t interested. Then I prayed for him, that God may forgive him and lead him on the right way.
A part of me said that I had to light a candle for him too now and write something in the book, so more people would pray for him. But as this urge has happened before I kind of recognized it as an OCD/scrupulosity thing.
Do you think I did the right thing by just saying a prayer and not going back to light another candle? I really (want to) believe that God isn’t like He would forgive him more if I light a candle… I don’t want to do things compulsively because then they don’t feel right. I feel like I need to resist things if they feel compulsive because that would hurt my spirituality.
But then another part thinks I hurt the spirituality of people iof I don’t light candles for them, and I get confused.
I hope I did the right thing. I did pray for him.

Kathrin

 

[water]

What if after you light the candle, and a wind blows it off, would your prayer for the man disappear or become ineffective? I believe the candle is just the outward sign of your caring for that particular person; your prayer and your response to him are more important.

 

[Belle10]

What if after you light the candle, and a wind blows it off, would your prayer for the man disappear or become ineffective? I believe the candle is just the outward sign of your caring for that particular person; your prayer and your response to him are more important.

Great post!

 

[Kathrin]

No, I don’t think a prayer would be less effective if the wind blew out the candle.
Sometimes I just have this problem… I think it has to do with how much “power” we could have… and of course, all power is God’s, so maybe that is the answer… anyway, my most concern I think in that particular situation was that if I lit another candle especially for that man AND wrote something in the prayer intentions book, then they would pray especially for him at mass too… on the other hand, I had already written something like “for all those who need it the most”.
When my thoughts start going that way it feels like it’s compulsive and I don’t want to do things compulsively, but out of LOVE!

So if I feel I “have to” do something in order to save another person or lead them on the right way, and it feels compulsive, it can lead to quite an inner struggle, because if I could do something to help of course I would want to.
But if, to stay with this example, I started running to church to light candles and write something in the book every time I saw somebody commit a sin, or every time I did something wrong, then that would soon become exhausting to the point of probably impossible. So I have to say stop somewhere, because in the long run I can do more good for others if I keep myself spiritually healthy.
Still, the actual act of NOT lighting a candle for somebody then feels kind of wrong.

 

[SacredHeartFan]

What if after you light the candle, and a wind blows it off, would your prayer for the man disappear or become ineffective? I believe the candle is just the outward sign of your caring for that particular person; your prayer and your response to him are more important.

what he said.

 

[SarahR]

Even if you never lit another candle or wrote another intention in the book, God would hear your prayers and see in your heart the love and concern you carry for others.

Yesterday morning while I was at adoration, I placed before Christ all of the intentions that people would post on this forum today, even the ones that hadn’t yet been posted. We know He isn’t bound by time or our weaknesses, and there are so many people who need prayers. Entrust it to Him and be at peace. He heard your prayer and He knows. That would be my advice.

Blessings—

 

[Cathryn]

Sometimes I just have this problem… I think it has to do with how much “power” we could have… and of course, all power is God’s, so maybe that is the answer… anyway, my most concern I think in that particular situation was that if I lit another candle especially for that man AND wrote something in the prayer intentions book, then they would pray especially for him at mass too… on the other hand, I had already written something like “for all those who need it the most”.
When my thoughts start going that way it feels like it’s compulsive and I don’t want to do things compulsively, but out of LOVE!

I understand what you are saying. To do something out of a compulsion is not the same as doing something out of love, or because we know God wants us to do something according to His will. It sounds as if you are asking yourself the right questions. Sometimes I will stop what I feel compelled to do if it seems to be coming from my own thoughts and not God’s will. Sometimes I just stop and ask God what He wants me to do. I try to go to Holy Hour every day, and I ask God to guide me and help eliminate the daily talking I do to myself instead of to Him. This helps me.

 

[water]

But then another part thinks I hurt the spirituality of people iof I don’t light candles for them, and I get confused.
I hope I did the right thing. I did pray for him.

Kathrin

Once in awhile I have some similar thought that I had to pray such and such for a particular person. If I have more time, I pray a bit more for that person; if not, I do a little one, and if I don’t have time at all, I pray for the person some other time. Once I finished that prayer for that person, I try not to think much but rely on the mercy of God. I then move on doing other things and trust in God for His plan for the person I has just prayed for without worrying that I might hurt the spirituality of the person.

 

[MarieVeronica]

I believe the candle is just the outward sign of your caring for that particular person; your prayer and your response to him are more important.

Hi Kathrin water gave you some good advice. It was the prayer, from your heart… which Our Lord accepted (the candle, being a symbol of your prayer). Perhaps, you can remember this man… in your prayers for the rest of the week. Our Lord knows that the intentions of your heart, were to help this poor soul. God bless you. :hug1:

 

[Kathrin]

Today two girls came up to me and asked if I wanted to write a prayer intention on a balloon… I told them about the man and one of the girls said a very very sweet prayer for him!!
Wow! God sends us many ways to pray!!!

I still lit another candle today; I had told myself yesterday if I still felt the urge today I could still do it, and somehow I still did.
Of course the scrupulosity part of me now says that maybe by doing so I offended God, because He had shown me that even if I didn’t do something out of a compulsion, He would send me other, good-feeling ways to pray.
But I must remember that God is love!
God doesn’t play games with me. My scrupulous brain may do that sometimes.

And if I hadn’t gone to the church and written something in the prayer book, I wouldn’t have noticed that their pen was out of ink and couldn’t have replaced it with another pen I had in my bag, for the next person.

Kathrin