Male/female sleepovers

[ThatOneDudeAlex]

As younger children, it’s appropriate. For obvious reasons, it seems inappropriate as teenagers.

But is it necessarily always wrong?

Two friends of mine, a sixteen year old male, and a fifteen year old female, had a ‘sleepover’ the other night. They’re both heterosexual, but he is in a relationship with another female (who had no problem with this, as she trusted him). They have been best friends since they were five, and the parents had no problem with it. There have, however, been multiple people approaching them saying it’s wrong.

They were in the living room, not a bedroom. She slept on the couch, and he on the floor. Her mom came in and checked on them multiple times.

I don’t see any problem with that, but a lot of people do. Is this an okay thing to do?

 

[jilly4ski]

It is imprudent. Why can’t the one child just go home at their curfew time, and then come over again the next morning?
I didn’t have any sleep overs period after I was 11 even with those of the same sex. Why does a 15/16 year old need a sleep over with anyone regardless of boy or girl? What can they do at a sleep over that they cannot do during the day when they are together?
These are the same sort of questions normal people and normal parents should be asking.

 

[nonanon]

It is imprudent.

I agree–good way to put it. Is it sinful in and of itself? No. Potentially the near occasion of sin and scandalous? Yes.

I can think of reasons for doing this with a larger group of teenagers, say at someone’s vacation house or relative’s house away from home or something. When I was a teenager, we did this a couple of times in groups–well supervised by parents. But I don’t understand why it would be done “one-on-one” at a nearby home. Am I missing something?

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

As younger children, it’s appropriate. For obvious reasons, it seems inappropriate as teenagers.

But is it necessarily always wrong?

Two friends of mine, a sixteen year old male, and a fifteen year old female, had a ‘sleepover’ the other night. They’re both heterosexual, but he is in a relationship with another female (who had no problem with this, as she trusted him). They have been best friends since they were five, and the parents had no problem with it. There have, however, been multiple people approaching them saying it’s wrong.

They were in the living room, not a bedroom. She slept on the couch, and he on the floor. Her mom came in and checked on them multiple times.

I don’t see any problem with that, but a lot of people do. Is this an okay thing to do?

From what I see with my kids, there is no problem.
For me it is confusing, but the new generation lived different lives from us.
Different sex friendships which came from kindergarden are very special, like brothers and sisters. They rarely date each other, for their intimacy is too much great…They need to date someone who came from very different background…Can you imagine that when they meet, adults as they are, they watch their old kindergarden movies? It is almost depressing…but people’s relationships are ever surprising…
My opinion is NOT a general rule, it is what I watched in my kids.

 

[Bookcat]

Putting others (or self) into a near occasion of mortal sin or being an occasion for scandal to others (such as the kids friends)–both of which can be sinful…is one consideration…

I would not do what was noted in any case.

 

[puzzleannie]

They were in the living room, not a bedroom. She slept on the couch, and he on the floor. Her mom came in and checked on them multiple times.

I don’t see any problem with that, but a lot of people do. Is this an okay thing to do?

are you one of the parents? what is your interest in this other than gossip with third parties about it?

 

[salveregina10]

My first reaction is to say to becareful not to go to either of two extremes: so ridged and legalistic that there is no room for grace. it is more about the rule, then what the rule is protecting. the other extreme is to say that it is OK so long as you do not sin. There has to be some healthy boundaries set up, and it should be clear what they are for, what they are protecting. The general thought is that primarily the parents of the house have to discern what is right and secondarily the teens have to as well, under the protection and trust of their parents (they are almost adults they will have make these decisions on their own soon). Different people will come up with different answers: that is OK

my second thought is a little more personal. this sounds an aweful like the question teens ask about sex or impurity, “how far is too far before it is a sin?” I think we are asking the wrong question. I think that instead of asking this in the negative, is this a sin?, we need to change it to a positive question, Am i glorifying God at the moment? Am i a true Witness of the Gospel? When others see me do they see Christ? Will the Boundaries i set up for my Family (or self) protect them physically, emotionally and spiritually? Again different people will come of with different answers, That is OK.

Rules are guard rails to protect us from hurt. I think discernment is the key. if we take the time to be honest with ourselves and answer theses questions with a clear conscience then we can accept the consequences without worry and focus our thought on God.

salveregina10

 

[ThatOneDudeAlex]

are you one of the parents? what is your interest in this other than gossip with third parties about it?

I think I made it clear that I’m a peer, not a parent. And I’m simply using this as an example. If you see, the title of the thread isn’t, “Guys, listen to what my friends did!” It’s just me asking a general question. I just so happen to have a specific case to help show what I mean.

And I still stay the night at other people’s houses, despite my age. Most people I know do, in fact. I had never considered an age barrier for that, but even thinking about it, I see no problem with staying the night somewhere in general at age sixteen.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I really don’t see a problem with it. When I was a teenager I had a very close male friend that I was in no way attracted to, but we were joined at the hip. Everyone knew that we were best friends and no one ever thought that there could be more, just because the chemistry wasn’t there. One day his first love broke up with him. His family was out of town and he didn’t want to be alone, so he came over, we ordered a pizza, talked for hours, and he spent the night. No temptation, no scandal, just two teenagers talking about life and love as though they were in a cheesy '90’s movie.

We didn’t ask my mom, she didn’t check on us, and she didn’t say anything about it the next day, she just asked us if we wanted breakfast. She knew, without question, that nothing inappropriate would happen between us.

If I were a parent I think that something like that would be ok. BUT, several conditions would have to be met. They would have to have been friends for a very long time, and my child must know his/her family very well and vice-versa. My child would have to display romantic interest in other people and show that they were not jealous of their friend dating other people.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

I’ve crashed at my bros homes before, usually after having been gaming for hours, what’s wrong with that since we are in no way attracted to each other?

 

[puzzleannie]

quote=ThatOneDudeAlex;8692913]I think I made it clear that I’m a peer, not a parent. And I’m simply using this as an example. If you see, the title of the thread isn’t, “Guys, listen to what my friends did!” It’s just me asking a general question. I just so happen to have a specific case to help show what I mean.

you are the one who brought up the fact that numerous people are gossiping about this specific instance.

I think we all know what “sleepover” means in popular culture in conjunction with two people of the opposite sex who are past puberty so it pays to be very specific when using the term.

sleeping in the same house for a very good reason (weather, transportation difficulty etc). with parental supervision, okay in some cases. Sleeping in the same room? Parent needs her head examined.

Mother of 4, grandmother of 9, raised teens and survived.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

[you are the one who brought up the fact that numerous people are gossiping about this specific instance.

I think we all know **what “sleepover” means in popular culture in conjunction with two people of the opposite sex who are past puberty

so it pays to be very specific when using the term.

sleeping in the same house for a very good reason (weather, transportation difficulty etc). with parental supervision, okay in some cases. Sleeping in the same room? Parent needs her head examined.

Mother of 4, grandmother of 9, raised teens and survived.

What does it mean? (I’m 19)

 

[puzzleannie]

What does it mean? (I’m 19)

it means sleepovers in the same room with a person of the opposite sex are extremely ill advised and provide occasions of sin, however, it is best to concentrate one’s attention on one’s own behavior, and forget about speculating about the behavior of others. It means, not in my house, over my dead body.

 

[maryjk]

It is imprudent. Why can’t the one child just go home at their curfew time, and then come over again the next morning?
I didn’t have any sleep overs period after I was 11 even with those of the same sex. Why does a 15/16 year old need a sleep over with anyone regardless of boy or girl? What can they do at a sleep over that they cannot do during the day when they are together?
These are the same sort of questions normal people and normal parents should be asking.

Because sometimes the one child lives 30 minutes or more away. And if neither of them drive, that means a parent trekking a child home, then in the morning bringing them back.

What can they do? Last time we had a family friend spend the night, we played the Wii until 11:30. In the morning, we had pancakes.

I have a 16 year old son, the guest was a 15 year old girl. Neither is old enough to drive. Neither is interested in dating. They are simply friends and as a group, with us, the parents, have a good time. (They sleep in separate rooms.)

What is funny is that we NEVER leave my son and the guest alone. If I need to run to the store, she comes with me. If someone is seeing scandal, they are looking for it.

 

[jilly4ski]

Because sometimes the one child lives 30 minutes or more away. And if neither of them drive, that means a parent trekking a child home, then in the morning bringing them back.

What can they do? Last time we had a family friend spend the night, we played the Wii until 11:30. In the morning, we had pancakes.

I have a 16 year old son, the guest was a 15 year old girl. Neither is old enough to drive. Neither is interested in dating. They are simply friends and as a group, with us, the parents, have a good time. (They sleep in separate rooms.)

What is funny is that we NEVER leave my son and the guest alone. If I need to run to the store, she comes with me. If someone is seeing scandal, they are looking for it.

Then they should come over in the morning and leave in the evening. I don’t really understand why they need to plan a sleepover. (I by the way am not that old. I only graduated high school 7 years ago, so it is not as if I do not understand the “way kids are these days” or the prevailing culture).

That is good that they are not left alone and that you make them sleep in separate rooms.

 

[maryjk]

Then they should come over in the morning and leave in the evening. I don’t really understand why they need to plan a sleepover. (I by the way am not that old. I only graduated high school 7 years ago, so it is not as if I do not understand the “way kids are these days” or the prevailing culture).

That is good that they are not left alone and that you make them sleep in separate rooms.

At least for us, it is less of a “sleepover” and more of a family friend staying with us. Maybe that is how I see the difference. For us, the young lady comes and joins our family for the couple of days she is here. She attends Mass with us, we go out for lunch, play board games, Wii games and card games. We might catch a movie.

She generally comes over after both families are together for dinner on a Friday night and we deliver her back home after lunch/dinner on Sunday.

I think the problem is intent. We do this with the intention of giving our young friend a supportive friendship. Some that are talking about “sleepovers” are seeing it as possibly a prelude to a more intense relationship.