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KCT
Guest
Fine. Once she thought it through, she agreed
—KCT
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—KCT
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KCT
Guest
Yes, it was. But we still don’t want them going at the same time and her making appts for him. (he did go to confession - just later in the day and not w/ her
As for their future, they say they love eachother and supposedly have talked about a future together. We think that’s premature, hence we are careful about the amount of time they are together and the supervision. —KCT
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Cupofkindness
Guest
I’m glad you have such a good relationship with the girl’s mother. I will say, as the mother of three teens, that I feel a certain amount of pressure (but not enough to change the way I approach this subject) to want my older teens to be part of a couple. You see, it’s affirming to know that someone thinks your child is special. It makes you feel that you’ve done a good job and that he has friends of both genders. Plus, your child get a certain level of social status from having the bragging rights of a boy/girl friend. And I’m grateful that my daughter has a good boy to go to homecoming with, that is a blessing for her. Now, I don’t act on these occassional feelings, but they do come up. My fourteen year old son met a "good Catholic pro-life girl at a party a few weeks ago and wants to see her in a school play this weekend. I had to resist the urge to blurt out “why don’t we buy her flowers” to my son. That would be very inappropriate. Sadly, I see parents in 3rd, 4th, 5th grades trying to create couples situations by the types of parties they have or other social events that they host. This trend is terrible at best and really makes it difficult for the majority of the children as these conniving parents try to make their children into couples at an early age.
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CuriousInIL
Guest
I would respectfully disagree with what I have bolded. The giving of flowers to actors/actresses in a play (even a school play) does not IMO create a “couples situation.” It is simply an age old tradition that does not indicate any deep friendship, but rather acknowledgment of work well done.
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Cupofkindness
Guest
When a boy gives a girl flowers, unless they are in the cast together, or he generously gives flowers to every young lady in the cast or they are related (like sibs or cousins), it means that the boy has special feelings towards that particular girl. Those feelings aren’t bad, they are good and natural. But my son’s main job in life right now is to do his school work, get enough sleep and exercise for his quickly growing body, and to find out what God’s plan is for him. If he invites this girl to a semi-formal or formal dance, we’ll buy flowers then! In the meantime, my son can use words to express his feelings about her performance.
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CuriousInIL
Guest
We can agree to disagree on this point; I do not think it has that meaning. But, I am in no way saying that I think you are wrong. Your opinion is as valid as mine and clearly you are doing well and bringing up your boy well and in accordance with your feelinggs and beliefs. If my prior post at all indicated anything different, I humbly apologize.
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Cupofkindness
Guest
Yes, we can certainly agree to disagree about flowers! And no harm done. I’m still searching for the best way to raise my children and I won’t know if I did right by them until I get to Heaven (or until they do). I appreciate any post that helps me think these difficult matters through. Thank you for the reply.
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sententia
Guest
I thought I’d comment on this:
". I will say, as the mother of three teens, that I feel a certain amount of pressure (but not enough to change the way I approach this subject) to want my older teens to be part of a couple. "
As a teen who was definitely NOT ready for a relationship until I was 18, 19, and was put in that situation at about 15, then again at early 17, it scared me very badly- I wasn’t looking for a spouse, I had many friends who were male, and being exterememly involved in other activites and stuff, the last thing I was ready for, or wanted, was a boyfriend. So be careful that your child can handle that type of thing, I’d hate for someone to feel like I did after that experience (and it’s not like the guy was bad- we didn’t kiss or anything), it was just something I was not even comfortable with at that point in my life.
". I will say, as the mother of three teens, that I feel a certain amount of pressure (but not enough to change the way I approach this subject) to want my older teens to be part of a couple. "
As a teen who was definitely NOT ready for a relationship until I was 18, 19, and was put in that situation at about 15, then again at early 17, it scared me very badly- I wasn’t looking for a spouse, I had many friends who were male, and being exterememly involved in other activites and stuff, the last thing I was ready for, or wanted, was a boyfriend. So be careful that your child can handle that type of thing, I’d hate for someone to feel like I did after that experience (and it’s not like the guy was bad- we didn’t kiss or anything), it was just something I was not even comfortable with at that point in my life.
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Steph700
Guest
I think that praying alone together is not a good thing unless the couple is engaged or married.
Spiritual intimacy is a wonderful, beautiful thing- but some things are so “unitive” that they should be saved for a covenant relationship. I am reasonably young- 24- and have had to deal with a very painful break-up of sorts with a young man with whom i grew much spiritually. While i am glad that i learned and grew as a result of my time with him, i also had to deal with much hurt after we went our own ways. After the break up it made me step back from my faith as well- it had been so intertwined with his. Many times i have wished that i wouldn’t have become so spiritually intimate with him b/c it has caused me to be a bit more stand-offish towards other potential boyfriends- although learning to be cautious is a good thing.
I think we look at spiritual intimacy as a much less serious thing than physical intimacy- and I don’t think this is a good thing either. Others on the posts above have said “well, at least my relationships are based on prayer- not physical intimacy!”. Well the truth of the matter is, God made men and women to compliment each other physically and spiritually- abusing one of these gifts by being too intimate before marriage is a recipe for disaster.
By all means, we should strive to find mates who we are compatible with spiritually and physically! Absolutely. Know why your girlfriend/boyfriend believes as she/he does. But don’t cross the line of growing in intimacy before you are in the protective grace of a covenant relationship.
Blessings all, this is an important topic.
Spiritual intimacy is a wonderful, beautiful thing- but some things are so “unitive” that they should be saved for a covenant relationship. I am reasonably young- 24- and have had to deal with a very painful break-up of sorts with a young man with whom i grew much spiritually. While i am glad that i learned and grew as a result of my time with him, i also had to deal with much hurt after we went our own ways. After the break up it made me step back from my faith as well- it had been so intertwined with his. Many times i have wished that i wouldn’t have become so spiritually intimate with him b/c it has caused me to be a bit more stand-offish towards other potential boyfriends- although learning to be cautious is a good thing.
I think we look at spiritual intimacy as a much less serious thing than physical intimacy- and I don’t think this is a good thing either. Others on the posts above have said “well, at least my relationships are based on prayer- not physical intimacy!”. Well the truth of the matter is, God made men and women to compliment each other physically and spiritually- abusing one of these gifts by being too intimate before marriage is a recipe for disaster.
By all means, we should strive to find mates who we are compatible with spiritually and physically! Absolutely. Know why your girlfriend/boyfriend believes as she/he does. But don’t cross the line of growing in intimacy before you are in the protective grace of a covenant relationship.
Blessings all, this is an important topic.
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GeorgeSutton
Guest
Ok, so the story is this: You son says that he is in love with a girl, and he has romantic (and potentially-nuptial) intentions toward her. She has the same toward him. You feel that he is too young to be having such intentions (presumably because of maturity issues, or that he’s heading off to college?)…
Have you discussed with him that courtship/dating is for marriage, and marriage is for salvation, and the reasons why you feel that he is not in a state where he should be considering marriage?
I feel like I don’t really have the whole picture here. The guy is 18, and for some people that would be considered old enough to decide whether or not to head toward marriage. Personally, of course, I understand your concern about him not rushing into marriage, but does he understand it, or does he just think “well, mom is concerned about who-knows-what, but I just love my girl!” If that’s the situation, and if he does not understand the reasons for your concern, or if he does not see that considering marriage at this stage of life may not be his best option, then you’re likely heading for trouble.
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