Male Virginity

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aborodki

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Hello,

I recently met this guy and I really like him. I’m twenty-three and he’s twenty-seven and we have a lot in common. We are both traditional, he is christian and family is a big part of his life. He told me that he didn’t believe in pre-marital sex and that he was never physically with a woman. He has had four girlfriends in the past. I am also a virgin but i have only had one boyfriend before. I understand that God desires sexual purity from men and women but i was wondering if that is just weird. Let me know. Thanks
 
No, it’s not weird, why would it be? :confused:

God wants men to live pure lives just like women… there’s no double standard

I’ve known Christians who got married and both the wife and husband were virgins prior to their marriage

I think our society has really twisted how we see things, and what is ‘normal’ 😦
 
Because i never met a man who was one. And i know that our society makes it seem like it is strange, i just wanted to know how many couples out there were both virgins until they got married and stuff. 😊
 
aborodki said:
Because i never met a man who was one.
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really? I’ve met several 🙂 one of my good (Orthodox) friends married an Orthodox man… both of them were virgins. They now have a very happy marriage.
And i know that our society makes it seem like it is strange, i just wanted to know how many couples out there were both virgins until they got married and stuff. 😊
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it’s definitely more common among Christians… especially if they’re devoted to their faith
 
I think the way society has trained us to think, if a man is a virgin, that means it’s for some bad reason. But if he’s a Christian, it’s probably just because he’s waiting to get married 🙂

just ask yourself some questions about him… does he seem reliable, honest, interested in having a family, able to provide for them, etc… what is his personality like… etc.
 
Thank you Monica! 🙂

I am going to be honest, it has been a while since i was interested in someone the way I am interested in him, so i guess i might be looking for excuses. But i am glad that you said that you knew people…it kind of makes me feel better 🙂
 
aborodki said:
Thank you Monica! 🙂

I am going to be honest, it has been a while since i was interested in someone the way I am interested in him, so i guess i might be looking for excuses. But i am glad that you said that you knew people…it kind of makes me feel better 🙂
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🙂
 
If I can offer the opinion of a man of his age (that is to say, my own opinion), while it may not be ‘normal’ in a statistical sense, this is due to certain cultural pressures, not related to what God wants from us as men. I’ll tell you this if I may be so blunt: I have not been able to be counted as a pure child of God in this way for more than a few years now, and I really wish I could be. I don’t exactly beat myself up over it (I engaged in this particular sin before coming back to religion), but I do feel ashamed about it and very much wish it weren’t the case. Virginity, no matter the gender of the virgin, is NOT something to be discarded or looked at as a burden. The fact that our modern social outlook often thinks it is (and even worse, in many ways tells children that it is) is just disgusting. Should we also shed related notions of true intimacy, trust, love, and commitment to God so that we become re-creators of pornography in our private lives? Certainly not. Or at least I know that that’s not what I want in my relations with women.

I commend you and your guy for making the RIGHT choice, which as we all know is often not the popular one.
 
Obeying God will always seem to be weird by those who don’t.
 
I have always wondered why the church puts such emphasis on female vriginity but not male vriginity. Can men be consecrated virgins? If not, why not? Seems to me that it would mean even more than women consecrated virgins because (at least in my experience, which is all I can speak from) men seem to want sex more than women do. It would mean a greater offering to God. But I honestly have never heard of men being consecrated virgins or of male saints in the Common of Virgins.

Just asking.
 
aborodki said:
Hello,

I recently met this guy and I really like him. I’m twenty-three and he’s twenty-seven and we have a lot in common. We are both traditional, he is christian and family is a big part of his life. He told me that he didn’t believe in pre-marital sex and that he was never physically with a woman. He has had four girlfriends in the past. I am also a virgin but i have only had one boyfriend before. I understand that God desires sexual purity from men and women but i was wondering if that is just weird. Let me know. Thanks
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Hello;

It is not weird, although in our modern day society, men are ‘‘taught’’ to constantly be seeking sexual conquests and women are being taught the same thing, so they can ‘be like men.’ :rolleyes: Sadly, neither thought promotes wholesome virtue, or what God wants for us all. My 13 yr old dd said the other day…’‘mom, I want to marry a virgin someday.’’ (this wasn’t out of the blue, we were discussing the importance of staying pure for marriage) I said…’‘that is a wonderful thing to desire.’’ She went on to say that if she stays pure, she doesn’t want to be with someone in marriage who isn’t pure. She said that ‘‘that’s gross.’’ Out of the mouths of a teen. :o

Now, I was a virgin, but my husband was not, when we married. He was living a chaste life however, long before meeting me. I believe that people can make mistakes in their past, and as long as they repent and decide to live purely, that is what counts. I explain to my kids…(my son is 17 and a virgin also) that purity is a gift. You should only ‘‘give it away’’ to your spouse someday. If they choose to listen when they become adults, is yet to be seen, but I pray for that! :o I agree with you that we don’t hear enough ‘‘praise’’ for those saintly men who have remained pure their entire lives…I need to research that a bit, and see if there are any males where that is a notable virtue, mentioned. :hmmm:*
 
Hi guys,

I went through your replies regarding male virginity. Well, I felt I should point some things.

Jesus says that if a man looks at a woman with lust in heart, it is equal to having sex with her.

So, the bottom point is… virginity lies in the heart of a person.

Besides, marrying a virgin male doesn’t guarantee you that he will be faithful after that or vice versa. There are men who are much faithful to their wives after marriage, even if they were not virgin before and vice versa. (Dont take me wrong, I am not opposing the concept of virginity, but just pointing out certain things which I feel is right.)

The point is humans are weak, and they can fall into temptations any time. So, I feel the attitude of the person should be given priority than anything else before marriage. Just look into the person’s heart, and if you feel like he or she is going to love you than anything else, u can surely proceed.

God Bless

Jas
 
JasJose said:
Hi guys,

I went through your replies regarding male virginity. Well, I felt I should point some things.

Jesus says that if a man looks at a woman with lust in heart, it is equal to having sex with her.

So, the bottom point is… virginity lies in the heart of a person.

Besides, marrying a virgin male doesn’t guarantee you that he will be faithful after that or vice versa. There are men who are much faithful to their wives after marriage, even if they were not virgin before and vice versa. (Dont take me wrong, I am not opposing the concept of virginity, but just pointing out certain things which I feel is right.)

The point is humans are weak, and they can fall into temptations any time. So, I feel the attitude of the person should be given priority than anything else before marriage. Just look into the person’s heart, and if you feel like he or she is going to love you than anything else, u can surely proceed.
God Bless

Jas
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Bolded for emphasis, mine.
I agree with you on this. My dd’s stance surprised me though, not in that she wants to remain pure herself, but in her thoughts about a future husband. She must be giving it serious thought at her young age. :o*
 
I don’t believe male virginity to be weird at all - certainly not the norm these days, as others have pointed out, but that doesn’t make it weird. I’m a male who has been a virgin for going on 36 years now. It certainly hasn’t been easy, and hasn’t always been a status that I’ve wanted, but through God’s grace I persevere. Only after my conversion did I come to realize how important this gift truly is. As to the “official” virgin status in the Church - my understanding is that this label is only applied to women. I’m not certain the exact reason behind this, but there are no men described as virgins by the Church. That’s not to say that there weren’t/aren’t men who practice virginity for the sake of the Kingdom, but that they aren’t officially recognized as such.

-CK
 
aborodki said:
Hello,

I recently met this guy and I really like him.
…
…
I understand that God desires sexual purity from men and women but i was wondering if that is just weird. Let me know. Thanks
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you met a nice Christian man you really like who is chaste and you wonder if that is weird? what am I missing.
 
Honestly, it does sound a little weird to me. Good and admirable, yes. But, like you, it does leave me wondering if it’s true and raises a red flag. Not being physical with any of those four girlfriends?? Hard to believe, isn’t it?

Are you sure he isn’t just telling you what he thinks you want to hear? Like Bill Clinton’s version of not having sexual relations with Monica? Is your guy creating his own definition of virginity? I had friends in college who did everything BUT the actual act so they could call themselves virgins.

My bottom line is that you should trust your gut feeling. You wouldn’t be sitting here taking a poll if you didn’t have your suspicions about something not being right in this department. Could he be gay or bi? Is he fibbing? Is he manipulative? He is very close to his family - is he too close? Twenty-seven-year-old men should be on their own, making their own decisions, not being controlled by their parents. Is he a mommy’s boy? Is there any character flaw that is concerning you? Abstinence is great, but honesty is too.

Sort through all the what-if’s and hopefully you will find that you have found yourself a man who is pure of heart as well as with his sexuality. And to me, being pure of heart ranks higher than whether or not he is a virgin. I know many holy people who were not virgins when they married.

BTW, I have children in your age group and that’s how I would guide them.
 
*How sad. So a guy in his 20’s is looked at as gay or bi, or dishonest, because he is open about his desire to wait for marriage, to have sex? 😦 That’s not a message we should be sending to our young men who are working hard to remain virgins. I agree that it’s not the end all be all, I married a nonvirgin, and he is an amazing husband and dad, and I also don’t believe virginal status has anything to do with the type of spouse one will make…but, to send a message to men who are in their 20’s or 30’s that they are somehow ‘‘weird’’ for not ever being physical with a woman, sort of makes us look like the rest of the secular world. *
 
aborodki said:
Hello,

I recently met this guy and I really like him. I’m twenty-three and he’s twenty-seven and we have a lot in common. We are both traditional, he is christian and family is a big part of his life. He told me that he didn’t believe in pre-marital sex and that he was never physically with a woman. He has had four girlfriends in the past. I am also a virgin but i have only had one boyfriend before. I understand that God desires sexual purity from men and women but i was wondering if that is just weird. Let me know. Thanks
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I didn’t read all of the replies, but, anyway, here’s my reply. Hope I don’t reiterate anything anyone else said.

Firstly, no, it is not weird that this gentleman is still a virgin. It think it’s something admirable. My husband was 28 when we were married, he’s older than me, had about 2 or three other girlfriends before me, and was a virgin - and it’s not because he wasn’t interested in sex. He was your typical, young man who did a lot to fight off urges and temptations. I was also a virgin and we both believed in waiting for marriage, so that, in it of itself, was a tad easier to overcome the temptations, since neither one of us ever had a taste of the “honey” and we both wanted to do things according to Church teaching.

Our society seems to think that there is something wrong with a man if he doesn’t go from flower to flower to flower prior to marriage (sorry, I was just thinking about “The King and I” for some reason), and this doesn’t just apply to modern times. It has been part of society for a very long time and was usually a lot easier for society to forgive a man of his past transgressions as a young man prior to marriage, than for a young, never-married, single woman. He was just “sowing his wild oats” and was to be expected. Whereas for her, she became a ruined woman and “used goods” worthless for marriage. Thomas Hardy’s “Tess of the D’Urbervilles” comes to mind.

I believe once a person gets that long-engraved idea out of his/her head, then it becomes a beautiful thought that a man could be still a virgin in his 20s/30s/40s, etc if he just never found the right person to share his life with. Not that I would look my nose down on men who weren’t virgins prior to marriage. I dated very nice men who weren’t and if they respected my desire to wait prior to marriage and were good, spiritual men, that was good for me as well. I just happened to fall in love with a man who was a virgin and was also all those other things and more. ❤️
 
Never mind guys, we went on a date but it didn’t work out. Thanks for all of your advice.
alex
 
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