I’m on your husbands side. No one wants to hear about the
normal changes to your body except maybe your doctor. You and I are very different, I didn’t discuss menopause with anyone but then I didn’t discuss my period with anyone, either. I always thought these kind of life moments were private and not a big deal. My advice: stop reading stupid menopause articles and start living your life. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but people, including your husband, are not interested in hearing about your night sweats etc.
Life is too short.
You’re certainly welcome to live your life the way you choose. I personally don’t think you have a right to make assumptions about other people (“stop reading stupid menopause articles”) and condemning them for not living their life the way you choose to live.
The OP mentioned that she and her husband are very close. She implies that they usually discuss things and “go through things” together.
That’s they way it is in my life. My husband and I talk about everything, including periods and other “private” things. We are interested in each other’s health and well-being. And why not? After all, we’re “one flesh.” My body is not my own, but his, and his body doesn’t belong to him, but to me, too. (I Corinthians 7:4) I’m very interested in “my” body!
Several years ago, I was concerned that my husband seemed to have lost interest in sex and wasn’t having any success building up muscles in spite of his regular workouts at the gym. I suggested that he ask the doctor to do testing for testosterone levels. He accepted my suggestion and sure enough, his testosterone was lower than most little girls’ testosterone! Turns out he had a small tumor on his pituitary gland. The doctor treated it with chemo, and he’s wonderful now, with a nice healthy level of testosterone and some nice hard muscles. Golly, I’m glad I talked about “private” things–it’s just possible that I might have saved his life.
To the OP–I’m where you are. 53 and going through menopause. Here are my thoughts, for what they’re worth. Perhaps this time might bother your husband because he is realizing that you are no longer fertile. Even if you were finished having children, it’s still a hard thing for a man (and woman) to accept that they can no longer make babies. ANYTHING that effects a man’s sex life (including fertility of his wife) will make him feel uncomfortable and nervous about his own potency.
I cried over that–when I stopped having periods, I was extremely upset over my loss of fertility. And yes, it IS a loss–a woman who is fertile has “power”, but a woman who is infertile–well, she probably has power, too, but it’s a different kind of power and it takes some getting used to.
This loss of fertility makes your husband realize that both of you are getting older and nearer to death. It’s especially bad when every other day, you receive in the mail either an AARP circular or a pamphlet about purchasing a burial site.
If your/his parents are both alive, it reminds him that they probably won’t live much longer, and that’s very upsetting.
It’s a very sobering thing to be faced with your “second” half of life, or “the autumn years.” I find myself somewhat depressed about it. I am allowing myself time to “grieve” the loss of my youth and time to learn what it means to be “old,” but if I don’t get over being depressed at the end of a year or so, I will definitely get some counselling to help me come to terms with the onset of old age.
In the U.S., “old” is not valued. Old and “disabled” are even less-valued. I have osteo in my knees and I’ve had two surgeries to repair broken tendons in my feet. I have trouble walking even a few blocks. This is heartbreaking to me, as I looked forward to spending my elderly years travelling and touring historic homes, visiting museums, and shopping in quaint little towns. I am working very hard to try to lose some weight, work out to get stronger, and I faithfully take my Celebrex to try to stop inflammation and pain. I’m doing better! I’ve lost 30 pounds and I have less pain. I really hope that I will be able to do that walking thing.
Anyway, it hurts my husband to see me struggling to walk, because he can remember when I danced through life and pranced down the block during daily long walks.
I would suggest that you talk to your husband at a time when you are not experiencing a “mood” brought on by hormones. Share with him honestly how you feel about what’s happening to you, and ask him if the two of you can do some brainstorming on how to get through this time together. Tell him that you love him so much, and you need him to be there for you now, just as he has always been there for you.
And keep in mind that there are a lot of couples who divorce during this time of a woman’s life. It’s very sad. I think that perhaps some couples think that if they divorce and start over, they can feel “young” again. And for men, they do get weary of the constant “hot flashes” and “moods” and “crying jags” and “you don’t care about me anymore” and also the dry vagina and urinary incontinence and other challenges to sex (e.g., my osteo knees!). Then when a sweet young woman comes along who makes the man feel good about himself again, he thinks he’s “in love” and wants that good feeling to continue, so he walks away from a long-time marriage. Please be on guard about this. It’s happened to some very well-respected and well-known Christian couples in the last few years, so no one is immune.
Good luck!
