I agree, with toddlers and older children. But it just doesn’t work with infants, nor should it be tried. Babies cry when they want or need something, and there is no alternative way for them to communicate. Trying to teach them the lesson that crying isn’t acceptable would be tantamount to abuse.
Uh…no. Consider the heart-breaking case where a child is stuck at the developmental capacity of an infant. They do not ever “figure it out” with regards to being ignored when they cry. They are communicating their displeasure or distress, they are getting ignored, but they don’t have enough going on intellectually to put two and two together. Besides, screaming is the only way they have to let it be known that they need something. They don’t have a Plan B, so they keep at Plan A until they run out of steam. That can be a long nasty wait for everyone involved. When it can’t be helped, it can’t be helped (as some passengers on trans-Atlantic flights can attest), but it is better for everyone to avoid it.
Yeah, ignoring crying infants for hours teaches them that they are unloved, helpless, and that nothing they do will result in care or comfort being provided.
You are a lucky guy. It’s standard child development advice that the hours starting around 4 (the “witching hour”) can be especially difficult.
All of my children nap. No problem here. And yes, we can “break the schedule” of naps every once in a while and everything is ok. I am not lucky, I am just a parent that is active in parenting and focuses on my children.
No, it isn’t always, and you are very fortunate if that is the case for you.All of my children nap. No problem here. And yes, we can “break the schedule” of naps every once in a while and everything is ok. I am not lucky, I am just a parent that is active in parenting and focuses on my children.
It is just not as hard as the “parenting” mags and websites make it out to be. In fact it is somewhat “natural” Until we had “experts” and magazines and blogs to make us freak out over every little thing. Parenting good, happy, well behaved children is quite easy.
Oh come on. Xantippe is no less involved with her children because she keeps them on a schedule. I can’t believe you guys are still arguing.All of my children nap. No problem here. And yes, we can “break the schedule” of naps every once in a while and everything is ok. I am not lucky, I am just a parent that is active in parenting and focuses on my children.
If your children get to their teen years as people that you enjoy and that enjoy you, if they are fit companions and roommates for a wide variety of the people they are likely to encounter in life, self-disciplined and pious according to their upbringing, and so on, you have done well. No one is going to be able to spend an hour with them and discern whether you occasionally subjected them to long car rides as infants. THEY won’t even know, if you don’t tell them! You’ll know, and you’ll know whether you were true to what you thought was best for them and their upbringing at the time, and that is what matters, because their whole upbringing will amount to one little decision like that after another, decisions you have to make because you know them best and you get to enjoy or suffer the consequences of what you decide for your family. The rest of the world ought to butt out, because getting there takes so much work, patience, and plain good luck to raise a child that parents don’t need the distraction. Give advice when it is solicited, then let them do what they decide to do, bite your tongue, and hope their kids somehow come out alright in spite of their incompetence (because, of course, all parents are incompetent, any psychologist can tell you that!
)
Having said that, “Any landing you walk away from is a good one.”
No that is not what I was saying at all! First of all, I don’t think she mentioned her kids or parenting at all.
But I do notice that some parents styles work better than others. And I have seen ten kid families with well behaved children and a smooth life and 5 kid families that have the look of a refugee family. It is not because 5 kids genetically were different and 10 kids were genetically the same. Yes, each kid has very very distinct challenges and personalities but there is a reason some families run a tad smoother than others.
How do you know what the genetic or personal issues might or might not be in play? It’s not like the 5-kid family members are all wearing signs saying, “Grandpa’s a bit OCD, Auntie has serious ADHD and has lots of other issues and mom and dad are a little bit autistic, just like both of mom’s parents and dad’s dad. Oh, and mom’s a mess because she still hasn’t gotten over her miscarriage.”
No that is not what I was saying at all! First of all, I don’t think she mentioned her kids or parenting at all.
But I do notice that some parents styles work better than others. And I have seen ten kid families with well behaved children and a smooth life and 5 kid families that have the look of a refugee family. It is not because 5 kids genetically were different and 10 kids were genetically the same. Yes, each kid has very very distinct challenges and personalities but there is a reason some families run a tad smoother than others.
It occurred to me we are arguing one of the oldest discussions in the realm of human behavior. Nature Vs. Nurture. You are on the nature side and I the nurture.
I will say our family is quite versed in genetics given the issues with daughter number two and the wife’s profession. We are aware of our genes. But more than anything I am aware that while each of my children are completely different, the behavior modified by our parenting is pretty much spot on.Absolutely!Having said that, “Any landing you walk away from is a good one.”
Let us say a parent says this, a typical trip report from an experienced parent: “We took our infant to France and he screamed for the whole nine hour plane ride. Although every adult on the plane will remember it until the day they die and may never agree to another trans-Atlantic flight again, he was right as rain within two days, doesn’t remember a thing about the flight, and has been a very happy baby since.” I think that ought to be both a reassurance that a baby can resiliently sail through these things from time to time and a caution that the parents themselves may want to take heed. If a child learns to expect that they’re going to be miserable every time they get into a car, of course by then you have bitten off some trouble that you are going to be dealing with for a long time. If lightning only strikes infrequently, most infants are better sports than any of the rest of us. (Caveat: This TOTALLY changes somewhere between the ages of 13 and 18 months. Ask me about how one unfortunate babysitting experience resulted in a leeriness towards women visitors that lasted three or four years, even though those two once-fearful boys remember nothing about it now!)
Parenthood requires striking just the balance between paranoia and blissful negligence over what could possibly go wrong that is right for you!
Very good point. This thread has indeed taken a detour.
Oh yes. Truer words were never spoken. This poster hit the nail on the HEAD. Sleep schedule is a smokescreen on both of your parts. This is an issue about whose wishes (therefore whose love and approval) takes first place in your marriage. The answer had better be your wife. Take it from a wife who walked in your wife’s shoes x1000. You are doing your wife and your marriage a HUGE disservice by siding with your mother. It puts her above your marriage. Going alone sends a clear signal to your mother that she has the upper hand and that your wife and marriage really aren’t that important. Do not.Do that to your wife. This seems like nothing to you because, no offence, you’re a guy and have yet to amass the epic knowledge of our wise poster Hoosier daddy. It’s never that simple to women. Ever.A couple of thoughts.
It is manipulative. That you don’t see it is alarming. Does your wife think you are kind of a mama’s boy?
You defended you mom to your wife like that!!?? Wow. Is the couch comfortable?
I side with your wife. It is time for you to be your own man with your own family. It is time for you to be on your wife’s team and move beyond the fact that you are your moms little boy and she wants you to drop everything for her birthday. The compromise that was acceptable (the day before) was rejected by her.
I’m going to let you in on a little hint guy to guy.
The reason it seems trivial is because it is not about the Birthday to your mom or your wife. It is the manifestation of frustrations on both parts. Your mom for not having control over her son anymore. And your wife for needing a husband who is his own man and on her team. You better buy her some flowers and maybe, just maybe she will go down and wish your mom a happy birthday on saturday with you, because that is the correct solution.
(Aside from the “sleep schedule” thing I also question your parenting, but not of your child, of your mom.) You gave in.
Mom 1
You and wife 0
Good luck. Take my advice and side with your wife on this. I guarantee your bed is more comfortable than your mom’s couch…
Truly laughing out loud here. You can show your post to your wife. “See, Honey. I really do understand.”I wish I could make my signature this post.
Thanks for the endorsement!
Yes. It is not that the grandmother is right and the mother is wrong or vice versa because there is some correct way to raise children.