Manners? What manners?

[BLB_Oregon]

Would you stop giving the gifts if you found that they ended up for sale at her next yard sale? Would you stop giving the cards when you saw that everyone else’s was on display, but yours was not? Gee, what more does it take to get the message? I gave the gifts and the cards because I wanted to show that I remembered. But if there is no pleasure received from my efforts, then I will stop.

I’d just never met anyone before who was so disdainful.

If I repeatedly never got a thank you for a present ( let’s face it, sometimes people forget), I would stop sending. Not to be a jerk, but obviously the person doesn’t appreciate the gift. BTW, we should send gifts because we want to, whether we are thanked or not, but me, I would feel like not sending a gift if no thank you’s followed after a few times.

Exactly. Otherwise, what does it take? “Listen. I hate your gifts, and frankly, I don’t care much for you, either, so just stop.”

Gifts are supposed to give pleasure. If they have the opposite effect or no effect, it is nuts to keep giving them.

If I thought I was missing the mark on gift-giving, but didn’t know why, I would ask around for some frank (name removed by moderator)ut on where I might be missing the boat or a heads-up as to whether this person has a problem with me that has gone unaddressed. Otherwise, if it is someone who is totally rude or if the problem was something I couldn’t solve by remaining in existence, I’d quit giving the gifts and do what I could to quietly absent myself from the relationship.

 

[dranzal]

For those that are upset if they get no handwritten thank you note…is it time investment you are looking for or simply gratitude?

In our homeschooling group, there are numerous birthday parties. Usually after the party, the mom will email the other moms telling them thank you for the gift and how the child liked it. Email is a nice, quick way to do the same thing as the hand written card IMO. It does take substantially less time, however.

On the other hand, I don’t think people should get bent out of shape over this. If you give a gift in person and get a sincere or even joyful thank you, why sit and stew waiting for a hand written note. When I give a gift, I am not planning to make that person have to write a note. I just hope they like it.

When my baby died, many people gave us money. Several brought us food. One family even cared for my children while we traveled for the burial. The list was monumental. Some close family members kept bringing up the dreaded “thank you list”. I greatly appreciated what was done for us and did think a thank you note was appropriate. However, if I had been the giver in that case, I would actually feel horrid if the young expecting mother of three with the deceased toddler was spending whatever extra time she had writting dozens and dozens of thank you notes. Losing a child is not something you get over in two weeks and move on. If I were the giver, I would have felt plenty appreciated just by receiving the tear-filled thank you with the sad smile. Indeed, a general thank you to everyone in the church bulletin would have more than sufficed…even if I had given a substantial amount of money.

I know, I know. We’ve been “taught” this note writing habit is polite all our lives. Have we considered why? Why are other forms of appreciation disregarded in favor of a note destined for the trash? I teach my kids to say thank you. I also teach them that we give as nice a gift as we are able to give without expecting anything. We’ve even sent pictures of them playing with the gifts (over email).

 

[maryjk]

I was taught that if you received the gift and opened it while the giver was there, a verbal thank you was enough. Not that a Thank you note wouldn’t be better. But saying thank you was enough.

Gifts sent through the mail or given and opened out of sight of the giver, needs a thank you note. Now, that note may be mailed with a stamp, it may also be emailed. In the case of small children or children that have a hard time writing, the “note” may even be a phone call. I think Grandma’s like the phone call best.

When I give a gift to a new parent, as part of my card, I write, " Your enjoyment of this gift is Thank You enough. Please do not take time away from the baby to send me a note." Or I tell them in person that I do not need a Thank You note.