Marital abuse question

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Does the church allow separation/Annulment due to non-physical abuse? My husband has never struck me physically. However, he is always lying about me behind my back, lying to me about financial matters as well as other things. He constantly criticizes everything I do until I feel worthless. He will not let me drive or work so I really don’t know where to turn for help. I am sooo tired of living this way.
 
My prayers for you.

Separation absolutely. You are not required to continue to live with someone who abuses you in any way. Even a divorce under secular law it if is necessary to protect your physical, material or emotional wellbeing. You have a duty to yourself and to any children of your marriage that may make it a duty even.

Annulment (a finding that you are free to marry again after separation or divorce) is a trickier matter, it is much more dependent on the state of both your minds before and at the time you were married than on anything that happens afterwards. Although later events can be relevant if they indicate that something was wrong before the marriage even took place. It may be an option worth investigating, but separation and/or divorce actually has to occur first.
 
hopesquestions said:
Does the church allow separation/Annulment due to non-physical abuse? My husband has never struck me physically. However, he is always lying about me behind my back, lying to me about financial matters as well as other things. He constantly criticizes everything I do until I feel worthless. He will not let me drive or work so I really don’t know where to turn for help. I am sooo tired of living this way.
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You are being emotionally abused. My heart goes out to you because I know what it is like to live with someone who abuses you.

My first advice would be to talk to your priest and let him know what is going on. He is the one who can answer your questions. He may also be able to help you find a safe place to stay when you leave your husband. He will also be a good source of prayer for you.

If your husband is willing to talk to the priest and really change are you willing to give him a second chance? While you guys are talking with the priest, I would insist on living in my own place until he can prove to you and the priest that he has really changed his behavior toward you. Or do you want to end it and not see if the marriage could be saved?

Please talk to your priest and let him be the one you turn to for answers and advice. If you don’t feel you can talk to the priest at your church find a priest that you feel that you can talk to and feel comfortable with to help you decide what the best thing for you to do.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck

Chrisy
 
While verbal and emotional abuse don’t always end up with physical abuse, physical abuse ALWAYS starts with emotional and verbal abuse.

What he is doing is the killing of a soul. Just because he leaves a body behind intact doesn’t mean what he is doing isn’t horrible.

Talk to a priest. Call SAFEPLACE. Find out your rights. You don’t say how long this has been going on. But this kind of man doesn’t change for the better very often.
 
hopesquestions said:
Does the church allow separation/Annulment due to non-physical abuse? My husband has never struck me physically. However, he is always lying about me behind my back, lying to me about financial matters as well as other things. He constantly criticizes everything I do until I feel worthless. He will not let me drive or work so I really don’t know where to turn for help. I am sooo tired of living this way.
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Perhaps you should go to the church first to see if it can help fix your marriage. Please see a priest with your husband.
 
My heart goes out to you…I understand what you’re going through. I will pray for you to find the best result and healing, for the both of you!
 
Separation yes. You have no obligation to expose yourself to that kind of behaviour. You have the right to protect yourself from harm, including by disassociating from an abusive husband.

Nullity decree (informally but commonly referred to as “annulment”, which is a mistake) not.

Explanation: The nullity decree is given after a trial in which it is found whether the marriage was valid from the beginning or not. It has nothing to do with punishment, it is as declaratory as a state law proceeding to find out whether a contract was valid. Behaviour after the wedding is a clue as to the general state of mind and attitudes, but what matters is whether at the point of making the vows, the person who was making the vows meant to do it, knew what he was doing, was able to do it, wasn’t banned from doing it. For example, it is possible that a cheater never intended to oblige himself to be faithful and it is possible that an abuser never intended to have a normal marriage, but it is never a given - these are just clues, traces, they all need to be examined. While before-wedding behaviour is thus naturally more inclined to be relevant evidence, after-wedding behaviour can be evidence too. But “evidence” is key here - bottom line is, it’s just evidence, a clue, not a ground itself.

This is a reason why the proper name should be used. “Annulment” suggests the Church somehow has the power to make a marriage null. That is not the case. It is a mere declaration that the attempt at marrying was not successful.
 
Do you have children? Emotional abuse can cause them severe harm by damaging their mental health even if they are not being abused directly but are simply witnessing what is happening to you.
 
Most posts say that you need to get help. I agree whole heartedly. Get help from your priest, even if this means finding a place to stay like a womens shelter. He doesn’t have the right to treat you that way.

I went through alot of similar stuff with my ex. After 3 1/2 years of verbal, and occasionally physical, abuse, I finally got the boot for “not being good enough.” Get help before that happens.

As far as divorce and annulment go, it will depend on if your husband is really interested in saving the marriage or not. I was able to get an anunulment even through the marriage and divorce were several years before I became a Catholic. During the marriage, it was obvious that my ex didn’t take the vows seriously. It was all a big joke to him. And he thought nothing of sleeping with other women. There were other issues as well, but I won’t continue with them.

Like as has already been said, get help. The sooner the better.
 
If you can suffer these things through Holy Spirit, then that will be better than to go for separation.

Now you have one more option. would you have time to read that before moving to court ?

Do all these for next one month and see His Miracle on your life… It is the best time to see His Glory on your life… Don’t miss it!!!

Just start the process in front of God saying about your plan and to give everything into His hand. Love your husband as you can and be patient in everything. Please do pray for him everyday. Please take fasting continuously for one month- one time- per day. Also if your husband allows, go to mass everyday. Now you can do two more things without the consent of your husband.
  1. Read Bible
  2. Rosary
Just do this continuously and at the end of the month, please tell your decision to him directly. Try to inform him through a letter or email, if he is not willing to listen. I hope that, Jesus will surely do something in these time. And you did as you can, so you won’t need to worry or re-think about your decision. It will be HIS decision.

You know, I am from India. And here no such separation on village area. In my church, you can’t see any such separation. Around 400 families are there in my church. Because most of the women are ready to carry the cross for their family.

I am happy to say that, by getting such a mother, now I am on this position.

I will remember you in the coming days on my prayer…
 
My mum suffered physical domestic violence but her husband was supportive in other ways. She stayed with him as she had come from a broken herself and she wanted her children to have a father. My dad was not a Catholic and had a spiritual experience when I was 10 and became a Catholic and now no longer abuses my mum. He might be just going through a difficult period of his life but I would advise you to pray for his conversion but it is up to make the right decisions for your marriage, not anybody else. It sounds to me he might be suffering mentally or spiritually.
 
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