Marital bed questions

[mamacita]

I say, take advantage of it while it lasts. As long as your not engaging in some sort of fantasy about the characters of the show while you’re with your husband, I don’t think you are doing anything harmful. I disagree that it is harmful to let sex cover up marital arguments. Sex is God’s way of helping women forget petty things that annoy them about their husbands. If the thing that annoyed you before was really a legitimate problem, you’d still be bothered by it after sex.

^^This is spot on.
Back to the original post by gardengal, she mentioned they use to be argumentative etc. That could be from the lack of intimacy! The devil hates when we have ‘holy sex’ so the arguments come constantly when we aren’t ‘unitive’, sex happens less as a result, etc. The fact that you desire to be with your husband more and you are able to not be at eachother’s throats during the day is a GOOD thing! DH and I notice a difference in the way we treat one another when we go for too long w/out ‘intimate relations’.

I don’t know anything about the show you mentioned though.

 

[GreyWings]

My friend is really into Outlander and I’ve yet to see it. However, I love romance paperbacks and reading spicy fanfiction, so I see nothing wrong with feeling “inspired” from Outlander. If anything, it’s made you feel a re-awakening and has bettered your marriage, to which I say, awesome!

So, enjoy!

 

[dconklin]

If you want to work at all phases of your spousal relationship, both of you should read Five Love Languages. It is written by a Christian and has many Christian ideas. It is good at looking at your spouse as a whole person and understanding what makes them tick. I would not be surprised if the OP’s love language is physical touch - like me.

 

[E_7]

I disagree that it is harmful to let sex cover up marital arguments. Sex is God’s way of helping women forget petty things that annoy them about their husbands. If the thing that annoyed you before was really a legitimate problem, you’d still be bothered by it after sex.

Yep.
**
And it goes the other way too.** I’m far less likely to find fault with my wife when when sex is on the cards for the night. The beauty of the marital embrace makes a little mess (or even a lot) around the house seem relatively unimportant.

I’ve experimented this lately and it is so true!

 

[GreyWings]

I just read the episode summaries of Outlander. Druidic rituals, demonic possession, bad luck charms, rape. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time than consume this trash? How about prayer, or EWTN? Shut off the premium cable and donate to charity?

Now wait a minute. Those druids are my ancestors! St. Patrick changed it all and I don’t regret my ancestry and history… but I digress.

Personally, I think there’s a big difference between watching porn and reading literature or a TV show with romance. If you’re an avid reader even the hints of romantic love in text can stir passions. What is wrong with this? We can be inspired by seeing God in nature, we can be inspired by anything in life, so being inspired by a bunch of Scots in kilts on a TV show is not the same as watching porn IMO.

 

[Cat2001]

Has anyone read the book “31 Days to Great Sex”? I need to know it’s worth it? My wife and I have sex maybe once a month. She just doesn’t want to. I think this book could help us.

 

[oneofmany]

Has anyone read the book “31 Days to Great Sex”? I need to know it’s worth it? My wife and I have sex maybe once a month. She just doesn’t want to. I think this book could help us.

Sounds like another secular manual on sex guaranteeing something they can’t deliver just for the money. You need to find out why your wife doesn’t want to have sex. Good communication goes a long way.

 

[pensmama87]

Has anyone read the book “31 Days to Great Sex”? I need to know it’s worth it? My wife and I have sex maybe once a month. She just doesn’t want to. I think this book could help us.

I found this book by Catholic author Hallie Lord to be much more helpful: Spice Up Your Marriage: A 28-Day Adventure.

In Simcha Fisher’s The Sinner’s Guide to NFP:

If you improve your relationship outside the bedroom, your sex life will almost always get better. Women tend to be more aware of this link, but it’s just as true for men: a better sex life comes from being more unified as a couple in general…If a woman feels used, put-upon, taken for granted, undervalued, or just plain overworked in her daily life, then these emotions tamp out sexual desire effectively and cumulatively.

If, on the other hand, she feels appreciated, cherished, admired, and sought-after (in the best way), and generally like someone whose happiness matters, then it is amazing how much easier it is to overcome hormonally-based disinclinations and fatigue. “Yes, my dear. I’m tired. But not that tired!”

What would make your wife feel appreciated, cherished, admired, and sought-after? Does she know that you value her happiness? Does she feel like sex is just another thing on her to-do list?

You can’t be completely responsible for her feelings about it, that’s true. But it can become a kind of cyclical thing - she feels used when you have sex, whether or not you mean for her to feel that way, so she doesn’t want to, which makes you resentful, which maybe makes you less likely to do other things for her that would make her happy, which again makes her feel not valued…and so on. It can be a nasty place to be in.

And there are some situations in life that just make it harder to be interested. Pregnant, breastfeeding, just tired with young children who can’t contribute much to household functioning, approaching or past menopause…

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

Again, very grateful for ALL your responses. I must have thought there was a problem as I was mentally anguishing that I was possessed or something. I confess, I did not take communion last Sunday and the Wednesday before (when I had the opportunity) because I really thought I had sinned (watching AND enjoying the show) and then the great excitement that followed that lasted for days and continues. Just so their is no misleading-- I am not dwelling on the show or the scenes to conjure up excitement; my thoughts are on my husband and communion w/him. God Bless, I am so appreciative of the (name removed by moderator)ut!

Probably getting to confession is probably best.