Marital Conflict due to use of Condom

  • Thread starter Thread starter Maria12
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Maria12

Guest
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
 
Maria12 said:
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
I think the question here is where is his faith? Does he believe in the Catholic Church, it’s teachings on spiritual and moral matters? If he does, than he is in sin, because he is not trusting the Catholic Church or God in these moral matters. My parents, always used the Billings method or Rythem. They only had four children.The Catholic Church is guided by the Holy Spirit, to go against the Churches teachings, being in the Church and aware it is sin, is commiting a conscience act of sin. I would go talk to a priest and if he is Catholic, I would take him too.The Catholic Faith is there to guide us, using these methods is not trusting God’s will for your life.
 
Maria12 said:
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
If he is aware of Church teaching and is Catholic, yet still insists on using a condom, he is putting his soul in danger; you are not, as long as you do not assist him in putting on the condom.

He may want to learn more about NFP, because if you already know you are not fertile, and you are trying to avoid conception, there is no “need” for “backup.” It is good that he is willing to abstain with you on days that you are fertile. Perhaps if he were to learn more about the method, and possibly be responsible for charting your signs, he could become more open to understanding Church teaching and the effectiveness of NFP.
 
USCCB Catechism: “Each and every sexual act in a marriage needs to be open to the possibility of conceiving a child.” (p. 409)

Pope Paul VI: “each and every marital act must of necessity retain its intrinsic relationship to the procreation of human life… the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act.” (Humanae Vitae, n. 11-12)

What makes a sexual act procreative is the ordering of the act, by its nature, toward procreation, regardless of whether or not procreation occurs at any particular time, regardless of how likely or unlikely it is that the couple will conceive. So any deliberate use of contraception, at any time, is a grave sin.

Contraception is immoral, regardless of where the woman is in her cycle, because it is an inherently disordered act. The intentional choice of an intrinsically evil act is always a sin. The deliberate use of contraception is intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral.

Pontifical Council for the Family: “The Church has always taught the intrinsic evil of contraception, that is, of every marital act intentionally rendered unfruitful. This teaching is to be held as definitive and irreformable.” (Vademecum for Confessors, n. 4)

Pope Pius XI: “But no reason, however grave, may be put forward by which anything intrinsically against nature may become conformable to nature and morally good. Since, therefore, the conjugal act is destined primarily by nature for the begetting of children, those who in exercising it deliberately frustrate its natural power and purpose sin against nature and commit a deed which is shameful and intrinsically vicious.” (Casti Connubii, n. 54)

Pope Pius XII: “every attempt of either husband or wife in the performance of the conjugal act or in the development of its natural consequences which aims at depriving it of its inherent force and hinders the procreation of new life is immoral; and that no ‘indication’ or need can convert an act which is intrinsically immoral into a moral and lawful one.” (Address to Midwives)

Pope Paul VI: “Consequently, it is a serious error to think that a whole married life of otherwise normal relations can justify sexual intercourse which is deliberately contraceptive and so intrinsically wrong.” (Humanae Vitae, n. 14)

Pope John Paul II: “This is the reason for the intrinsic unlawfulness of contraception: it introduces a substantial limitation into this reciprocal giving, breaking that ‘inseparable connection’ between the two meanings of the conjugal act, the unitive and the procreative, which, as Pope Paul VI pointed out, are written by God himself into the nature of the human being (n. 12).” (Speeches, 27 Feb. 1998)
 
Maria12 said:
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
If he insists despite your objections, then there is no sin on your part. You are permitted to engage in marital relations with him despite this, as long as he knows of your objections (which he clearly does, but you need not remind him frequently of it) and you do not assist him in any way (such as buying condoms for him, helping him put them on, etc).

The question as to whether he is commiting mortal sin is more problematic. It is grave matter for mortal sin, but whether he commits person mortal sin in doing this is a different question that no one can answer for you. It will depend on his understanding of the specific teachings as well as his Catholic faith in general. But you are right to be concerned about this. As others have alluded to, this may be a good opportunity to better educate him on the faith and introduce him to NFP methods.
 
According to the study conducted by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, condoms (male and female) account for **18-21 percent of unplanned pregnancies, which is only slightly less than natural family planning at 24 percent. **

and every doctor and common-sense person knows “pulling-out” is by far the most ineffective and no offense, but dumbest method of birth control.

Study Report

So just let your hubby know that if he thinks condoms and “pulling out” are more effective than NFP, then I have some swampland in Arizona to sell him. NFP if done right has a much more effective rate a preventing pregnancies than condoms…does he know when his condoms break? or can he see a microscopic tear in the latex?
 
austenbosten said:
According to the study conducted by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, condoms (male and female) account for **18-21 percent of unplanned pregnancies, which is only slightly less than natural family planning at 24 percent. **

and every doctor and common-sense person knows “pulling-out” is by far the most ineffective and no offense, but dumbest method of birth control.

Study Report

So just let your hubby know that if he thinks condoms and “pulling out” are more effective than NFP, then I have some swampland in Arizona to sell him. NFP if done right has a much more effective rate a preventing pregnancies than condoms…does he know when his condoms break? or can he see a microscopic tear in the latex?
Click to expand...
BTW that “24 percent” number for NFP is WRONG because it includes rhythm method and possibly “no method” (didn’t look at the link but this is typically how the secular studies treat NFP).
 
1ke said:
BTW that “24 percent” number for NFP is WRONG because it includes rhythm method and possibly “no method” (didn’t look at the link but this is typically how the secular studies treat NFP).
Click to expand...
Exactly, but I’m pointing out that even poor NFP is just as effective as condoms. Proper NFP is better, and much more enjoyable. 👍
 
Maria12 said:
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
We have some friends who do this - I guess it’s not ideal but it is a start.
 
Maria12 said:
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
You are not sinning, as long as you continue to try and convince him to give up the artificial birth control.

He is committing a sin that can be mortal, depending on his knowledge. If you have told him it’s wrong, and that the Church teaches it’s wrong, it’s probably mortal.

God Bless
 
austenbosten said:
According to the study conducted by the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, condoms (male and female) account for **18-21 percent of unplanned pregnancies, which is only slightly less than natural family planning at 24 percent. **

and every doctor and common-sense person knows “pulling-out” is by far the most ineffective and no offense, but dumbest method of birth control.

Study Report

So just let your hubby know that if he thinks condoms and “pulling out” are more effective than NFP, then I have some swampland in Arizona to sell him. NFP if done right has a much more effective rate a preventing pregnancies than condoms…does he know when his condoms break? or can he see a microscopic tear in the latex?
Click to expand...
I think the numbers are that condoms are about 98% effective when used properly, and they are 88% effective in actual practice.
 
epan said:
I think the numbers are that condoms are about 98% effective when used properly, and they are 88% effective in actual practice.
Click to expand...
But, I think that’s a rate for one-year of usage.

The failure rate may be 12%, but those failures could still account for 20% of unplanned pregnancies. The two stats are not mutually exclusive.

God Bless
 
Maria12 said:
My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
There are two issues: One deals with sin, the other with having sex with a contraceptive spouse.

A person using a contraceptive, according to the Church, would be objectively sinning. However, it is not that simple. We have no idea whether or not the spouse is Catholic. A non-Catholic cannot be expected to live up to Catholic standards. A person that is not Catholic and ignorant of Catholic doctrine/dogma isn’t committing a mortal sin.

With regard to having sex with a contracepting spouse: There are several specific reasons that a person may deny their partner marital relations. Contraception is not one of them.
 
ValPal said:
There are two issues: One deals with sin, the other with having sex with a contraceptive spouse.

A person using a contraceptive, according to the Church, would be objectively sinning. However, it is not that simple. We have no idea whether or not the spouse is Catholic. A non-Catholic cannot be expected to live up to Catholic standards. A person that is not Catholic and ignorant of Catholic doctrine/dogma isn’t committing a mortal sin.

With regard to having sex with a contracepting spouse: There are several specific reasons that a person may deny their partner marital relations. Contraception is not one of them.
Click to expand...
Small disagreement. A non-Catholic is not expected to follow Church disciplines (e.g. Sunday obligation, Lenten fasting) but the moral law holds for everyone.

Artificial contraception is intrinsically evil, and objectively sinful for everyone (Catholic or not). The only issue is culpability; does the person has sufficient knowledge to make the sin mortal, or is it just venial.

If the person has been told that it’s sinful, and that’s what the Church teaches, I would think there’s a good chance of sufficient knowledge.

God Bless
 
bilop said:
But, I think that’s a rate for one-year of usage.

The failure rate may be 12%, but those failures could still account for 20% of unplanned pregnancies. The two stats are not mutually exclusive.

God Bless
Click to expand...
Ah yes, I did not read the statement correctly. Thanks.
 
Maria12 said:
My husband is not pious. He insists on using condom and withdrawal for birth control. It leads to marital conflict everytime I remind him it’s a sin. In accordance to the NFP that the curch recommends. I had made a resolution that he may use his methods as long as we abstain from sexual intercourse during my fertility days. He had agreed on that matter. My question is, AM I & IS HE committing mortal sin when he uses his device on days when I am not fertile? Thank you, your answer will give me peace of mind.
Click to expand...
For information:

he Coitus interruptus without male condom, in which husband withdraws before the completion of the act, and he finishes it outside, is morally wrong, for him only, if he agrees with that, and that she is not on the same line than him (she disagrees in her mind). If she does not agree with that (not her intention, she is passive): for her, that is not immoral.

The Coitus interruptus without male condom, in which wife “withdraws” (keeps away from him) before the completion of the act, and he finishes it outside, is morally wrong, for her only, if she agrees with that, and that he is not on the same line than her (he disagrees in his mind). If he does not agree with that (not his intention, he is passive): for him, that is not immoral.

The marital act with a male condom is immoral for both of them, if they are okay for the using.
**The marital act with a male condom is immoral for him and probably also for her, even if she disagrees with in her mind. ** See the Enchiridion Symbolorum, Denzinger.

In lingua latina.
catho.org/9.php?d=g1

Resp. S. Paemtentiariae, sous Benoît XV, 3 juin 1916
3638 Qu.: l. Utrum mulier casu, quo vir ad onanismum exercendum uti velit instrumento, ad positivam resistentiam teneatur? Resp.- Ad 1. Affirmative.

3639 2. Si negative, utrum sufficiant ad resistentiam passivam ex parte mulieris cohonestandam rationes aeque graves ac pro onanismo naturali (sine instrumento) vel potius omnino necessariae sint rationes praegravissimae ? Resp. -Ad 2. Provisum in primo.

3640 3. Utrum ut tutiore tramite tota haec materia evolvatur et edoceatur, vir talibus utens instrumentis, oppressori vere debeat aequiparari, cui proinde mulier eam resistentiam opponere debeat, quam virgo invasori ? Resp. -Ad 3. Affirmative.

Denzinger, In french
Réponse de la Sacrée Pénitencerie, 3 juin 1916
L’usage onaniste du mariage à l’aide de moyens artificiels
3638
Questions : 1. Dans le cas où le mari veut utiliser un instrument pour pratiquer l’onanisme, la femme est-elle tenue de résister de façon positive ?

3639
2. Si la réponse est non pour justifier la résistance passive de la part de la femme, suffit-il de raisons du même poids que pour l’onanisme naturel (sans instrument), ou des raisons de plus grand poids sont-elles absolument nécessaires ?

3640
3. Pour que toute cette matière soit développée et enseignée de façon plus sûre, un homme qui fait usage de tels instruments doit-il réellement être assimilé à un violeur auquel la femme doit donc opposer la même résistance qu’une vierge à l’intrus ?
Réponses : Pour 1. Oui. - Pour 2. Traité en 1. - Pour 3. Oui.

My English translation.

3,638
Questions: 1. In cases where the husband wants to use an instrument to practice onanism, the woman is required to resist it in a positive way?

3,639
2. If the answer is not to justify passive resistance on the part of the woman, is it sufficient reasons for the same weight as the natural onanism (without instrument), or for reasons of greater weight are absolutely necessary?

3,640
3. For all this material is developed and taught more safely, a man who makes use of such instruments should really be considered a rapist which the woman must oppose the same strength as virgin intruder?
Answers: For 1. Yes. - For 2. Treaty 1. - For 3. Yes

AFTER SEE WITH YOUR PRIEST AND THE INDIVIDUAL CASE.
 
I can only suggest one thing to you. I am an Atheist so please be careful what I say as I don’t have any empathy with Catholicism.

It’s either two choices:
  1. Destroy your marriage and don’t use Condoms. It’s going to put a lot of strain on your marriage because your husband, like me, is a non-believer.He’s not going to budge in his views like you aren’t going to say God isn’t real. Still, I’m surprised you never discussed this before marriage.
  2. Use Condoms and be in ‘sin’ in the eyes of Catholicism: albeit not in the eyes of Christianity
It’s up to you! I think you could guess my choice!
 
LauraMajestic said:
I can only suggest one thing to you. I am an Atheist so please be careful what I say as I don’t have any empathy with Catholicism.

It’s either two choices:
  1. Destroy your marriage and don’t use Condoms. It’s going to put a lot of strain on your marriage because your husband, like me, is a non-believer.He’s not going to budge in his views like you aren’t going to say God isn’t real. Still, I’m surprised you never discussed this before marriage.
  2. Use Condoms and be in ‘sin’ in the eyes of Catholicism: albeit not in the eyes of Christianity
It’s up to you! I think you could guess my choice!
Click to expand...
Not true.

She can continue having relations with her husband, and as long as SHE doesn’t condone the condom use, it’s not sinful for HER.

If you don’t know what the Church teaches, you shouldn’t make statements like this.

God Bless
 
bilop said:
Not true.

She can continue having relations with her husband, and as long as SHE doesn’t condone the condom use, it’s not sinful for HER.

If you don’t know what the Church teaches, you shouldn’t make statements like this.

God Bless
Click to expand...
I’m pretty sure she can’t have sex with a condom at all.

Saying ‘oh but I told him it was naughty’ is a pathetic way to wiggle out of the official catholic statement. Condoms are evil by nature. They should not be tolerated.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top