Marital debt duty to have sex

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I assume he/she meant “no reason beyond ‘I don’t feel like it tonight’”, not literally no reason whatsoever.
 
I think then the barrier to understanding here would be what constitutes a reasonable excuse. Apologies was responding to Taf
 
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Servant31 said:
but isn’t it a two sided obligation? Self giving… ?
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Exactly. Both partners agree to sacrifice for the good of the other. Sometimes that might mean one partner has sex when they might not be totally feeling it. It can also mean that one partner gracefully accepts a “no thanks” even though they really want to have sex. It’s not some kind of right to selfishly insist on your way at will.
 
Why would you assume that, he specifically wrote something else. Show him some respect.
 
Common sense. Why would anyone refuse if they have literally no reason, assuming we agree that not being in the mood is a valid reason.
 
If my husband was not in the mood it would not be right for me to complain and whine until I got my way. Basic decency surely - I don’t believe in the marital debt although I’ve joked about it before with him
 
I suspect not, but I think he’s just attempting snark. 🤷‍♂️

Let’s just clarify. Tafan, let’s say you have situation in which a wife wants to have sex and tries to initiate sex with her husband. He’s not in the mood. He’s kinda tired, a little stressed from work, and would rather just relax. At the same time, there’s no medical reason why he can’t. He says, “sorry sweetheart, I’m just kinda burned out from the office. Rain check?”

Does the wife have the right to go “too bad, I insist” or should she go “no problem, honey, let’s just relax then”? Let’s also assume that this isn’t a situation where the husband NEVER wants to have sex: he’s just not feeling it on this particular night.
 
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My wife and I know we are good when we are both complaining…one wants more, the other less
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
Exactly. Both partners agree to sacrifice for the good of the other. Sometimes that might mean one partner has sex when they might not be totally feeling it.
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I am still struggling with this. How could it be pleasant to have sex with someone knowing they are sacrificing in doing so?

I honestly don’t think this a real thing.
 
I guess you could suggest seeing how things go and hopefully the other person gets into it 😂 but a no means no and I always respect that
 
With respect to all posters this is something that really you can only understand fully when you are married. Others are only speculating. It would be the same as me suggesting to a priest how he should live and deal with his difficulties in his vocation
 
QwertyGirl said:
I honestly don’t think this a real thing.
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It’s not. Maybe sometimes one spouse decides to go for it even if they’re not exactly raring to go without ever declining, so their spouse doesn’t know. That’s fine and all. But they still have the right to just say “not tonight” and anyone who thinks you can insist in the face of that and have a healthy marriage is either incredibly naive or a psychopath.
 
halogirl said:
If my husband was not in the mood it would not be right for me to complain and whine until I got my way.
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Of course you are correct with regards to your response, but that does not mean that he may not have sinned by refusing for a trivial reason.
 
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He’s not catholic and he’d never say no just for the sake of it
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
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QwertyGirl:
I honestly don’t think this a real thing.
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It’s not. Maybe sometimes one spouse decides to go for it even if they’re not exactly raring to go without ever declining, so their spouse doesn’t know. That’s fine and all. But they still have the right to just say “not tonight” and anyone who thinks you can insist in the face of that and have a healthy marriage is either incredibly naive or a psychopath.
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I agree.
If the reasoning behind not wanting to have sex is sinful, such as manipulation or an affair, then it becomes a sin. But the recipient can’t exactly know or judge the motivations behind the act. The recipient must not judge or demand, or accuse. It is his or her responsibility to think the best of his spouse’s actions.
 
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a Church teaching called “marital debt” which means that in marriage, both spouses have a duty/obligation to have sex if the other spouse wants to,Whether it means that a person needs to consent to sex occasionally (2-3 times a month, year etc.) or every time their spouse makes a request is still unclear to me.
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If this is a surprise to you, then you were not properly catechized and prepared for marriage.
I commend you for for learning it now. 👏
chasingcars said:
what the Church actually teaches such as the idea that man is the head of the household or that wives should be stay-at-home-moms.
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What makes you think this is Church teaching? I mean, about the “wives should be stay-at-home”
chasingcars said:
Even if the rule is same for both spouses, it doesn’t make it equal because only the wife has to suffer the consequences of paying the debt.
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I am not sure how you come to that conclusion.
chasingcars said:
When a husband initiates marital relations with his wife, he is not sacrifing anything but he’s demanding his wife to make a sacrifice (=taking the risk of getting pregnant).
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Both members of the couple take this risk. On the contrary, women need more romance than men, generally, and are much less able to perform on “demand” than a male.
chasingcars said:
Pregnancy&childbirth and the damage caused by them (both physical and psychological) are not only painful, risky and bothersome but they also have a negative influence on woman’s career and financial security.
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Such an attitude seems to reflect a person who is not open to life. Rather, a person who is looking for reasons to NOT be open to life.
chasingcars said:
Also, in worst case scenario, pregnancy&childbirth can kill the woman and cause her damages that last for the rest of her life.
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This is a very rare occurrance, but if God decides to call a woman home to Him, then a man should not try to stand in the way.

If God decides to prevent further fertility, that is His decision.
chasingcars said:
We are equal but we are also different and “one-size-fits-all” rules like this that don’t take the differences into account are harmful.
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Or maybe the human idea of what is “harmful” is not the same as human?

If this is already posted, I apologize since I have not made my way thru the whole thread.

3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I Cor. 7

Do you believe that the New Testament is the official teaching of the Church?
 
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