Never a debt to repay. It appears that you had a reason. I am sure your husband was understanding of your pain.
Celeste, it should be plain enough from this preceding material that legitemate medical obstacles preclude one from paying the debt, and it cannot be helped, and is sinless when it is really about that. It is up to you to discern by examing your own conscience. Sounds like your heart is in the right place anyway. The husband won’t have an easy time of it, but that is a reality in life sometimes.
what has sex neccessarily got to do with support? it’s not like getting your dinner made for you, not like being listened to or comforted, or being hugged. It’s, er, sexual. I am male, unmarried, 26.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. It is (sometimes) like getting dinner made for you. It is like being listened to and comforted. It is like being hugged (and sometimes even includes being hugged).
For one thing, it’s not true that the wife is not receiving anything. She is receiving the love of her spouse in return. Just b/c she’s not feeling passionate does not make her incapable of receiving or appreciating the loving advances of her husband. Those advances should make her feel quite cherished!
IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE 
actually I think it does. Sex is different… I don’t think anyone should have to submit to anything sexual out of a desire to be giving. It’s almost as if cathlics prefer that state of affairs, men can’t help themsleves, but women, oh no, they should idealy be passive.
that is attraction not arousal.As for what the man’s basing his arousal on, I should think the answer to that is obvious. The man loves his wife, and knows that she loves him too, despite her temporary low libido. She is desirable to him for myriad reasons. Maybe just b/c she looks so darn cute cuddled up on the couch with her book.
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Cynic, there is nothing wrong with us Catholics… you just have some self made misconceptions.
Again and again people have told you that this is not about a woman just “giving in” its about a meeting of the will… both parties want to make love… even through INITIALLY she may not feel 100% in the mood. (please read at least part (2) of this link: catholicculture.org/docs/doc_view.cfm?recnum=1001 ) Most women with good husbands will tell you that after a few minutes (or longer) moods melt away and change for the good.
The worldly definition of sex goes something like this: “I use you to get my pleasure, and you use me to get your pleasure, and as long as it feels good to both of us, it’s ok.” Even people who are married can have this idea of sex, but it’s certainly an accurate description of extra-marital relations.
Do I really need to explain to a grown man that the one follows the other so closely and naturally that they may as well be the same thing? (And this is a GOOD thing in marriage
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there has to be love, but you have separated desire from it (except on the mans part). You’re meant to have both, otherwise if it were just love, love as in selfless caring, then why would that need to be expressed sexually? Why not just say “I love you”, or renew your vows etc?
and what does that actually mean, specifically? It’s a good philosophy for the marriage, but not the bedroom . Hell, husband and wife are supposed to want each other, not purely to give. It’s flattering - glorifying - whatever you want to call it, to the other that each partner does. Maybe it’s an ego thing, but I’d be quite into the fact that my (hypothetical) wife wanted me, and wasn’t just doing it to please me. Quite frankly, It wouldn’t feel right if she didn’t.
I have not seperated… just palced in order of importance.
Yes… you are meant to have both! I think you have the idea that beginning selfless means you can’t experience pleasure. That is not true. Also, I do not understand your connection that “selfless” = “no reason for sex.”
If it is a good philosophy for marriage, then it should be a great philosophy for the bedroom. Why should sex and marriage be separated in such away that they need to be treated differently? And again, you are right… husbanded and wife should always “want each other”… you CAN desire someone, but still not be in the mood. I desire my wife, but I also desire sleep… should she come first, or should my sleep come first?
Whew, this is quite a thread. Just wanted to say that we abstain during menses because I’ve heard/read that intercourse during this time can lead to to or increase endometriosis.
I google searched the topic, and there seems to be conflicting evidence:
In fact, another website suggested that intercourse during menses could actually prevent endometriosis, and yet another was aimed at refuting this evidence.
Agreed that the evidence is far from conclusive. That being said, I don’t think that a wife is bound to engage in intercouse during a time that could potentially be a heath-risk for her. Hopefully the husband wouldn’t request this but if he did I think that she has grounds for a refusal. Given that there is medical evidence on both sides of the argument, it is not a sin to be cautious regarding your health.
Because, that is what the marital embrace is, the gift of expressing love for one another