J
jc411
Guest
There were a lot of posts on this, but this one grabbed me. Terms like “selfish”, “not much of a husband”, these are judgmental. I am sure any sane person knows that a request should be reasonable - of course! But “reasonable” is subjective, undefined. A person may make this request once a year and can be considered “unreasonable”. So the point of this thread was not to judge frequency, but licitness. A person making licit use of a right may or may not be selfish, but they are still within their rights, and you have to admit that. So without knowing their heart (which only God does) you give them the benefit of the doubt they are also a good person. How do you know otherwise?
Let’s say you need a license to drive a car, so you can get to work and earn a living. You may need to drive 22 days a month. But, let’s say there are a few weekends a year when you also drive - maybe because you felt you needed to - is your license valid or not to do this? Of course it is. But, if a person takes your keys, though you are sober and reasonable, they do commmit a crime, because they deny you what is yours by right.
In marriage, of course, debt does not equal rape. The duty to consent is what is being debated, not the overpowering of another, forcible intercourse. That would be a sin. The church teaches this also.
Frankly, it takes a truly catholic mentality to undersatnd what it means to be able to give even when one does not feel like it. That is the example - Jesus asking His Father for the cup to pass, but “Thy will, not Mine”, and Mary, “be it done unto me according to Thy word.” Many others. Our faith was built on people who had to do a lot they didn’t feel like doing. Many people don’t feel like having children, but they owe God to have them. St. Paul has said each must render the body unto the other, and Jesus spoke of one flesh, not two. It is not Aquinas (or his protege) dictating the law of the church, but that the Summa had done well to express the mind of the church in this and many matters. Popes have many times restated this reality also - look it up online.
Such is the sad state these days that one should only judge against the one who is acting within his rights, siding with the one who would is refusing and actually sinning. And all this out of some vague societal notion that the man is always wrong and is selfish and a rapist. Stick to the facts, as you do not know more. What inspires a husband to act on this is not "issues"necessarily, but what God has ordered for His creation to survive. Not always a simple decision to be reocnsidered. There truly are passions, and they ought to be weighed, but if that is not possible for one to do then there is the law at least. The law is there for you, if you are someone who doesn’t naturally do what is right. And if you do not respect even that then what are we even debating.
Even the thread starter was not judgmental at all - merely asking a question. It is a question that has an answer. If you don’t like the answer, then just say this is a place where you break ranks with God’s church and His law, and be done with it.
