Marital Lust

[Vico]

Methodi you ask “how can it be possible there was no marriage”.

If a couple does not understanding the meaning of marriage or only simulate the vows, or there is some impediment, like previous marriage, etc., then it cannot be valid. The ordinary course is that it is assumed valid until proven otherwise.

Truly, not fulfilling the marriage “duty” is not a reason for annullment once a marriage is consummated. (You can read this in the Catholic documents if you investigate.) The enforcement of “duty” may be coersive and thus be uncharitable and therefore not unitive, so sinful. Sex in marriage is a mutual gift not something to be obtained or forced from another like an objective goal. The sacramental marriage is not about being selfish but rather about being chaste.

 

[Methodi]

Methodi you ask “how can it be possible there was no marriage”.

If a couple does not understanding the meaning of marriage or only simulate the vows, or there is some impediment, like previous marriage, etc., then it cannot be valid. The ordinary course is that it is assumed valid until proven otherwise.

Truly, not fulfilling the marriage “duty” is not a reason for annullment once a marriage is consummated. (You can read this in the Catholic documents if you investigate.) The enforcement of “duty” may be coersive and thus be uncharitable and therefore not unitive, so sinful. Sex in marriage is a mutual gift not something to be obtained or forced from another like an objective goal. The sacramental marriage is not about being selfish but rather about being chaste.

If a person refuses to perform the marriage duty for no good reason, then it is grounds for anullment, because a married person commits a mortal sin by refusing the marriage duty, because it could cause a partner to stray, being that the sex drive is so great. How could they not know the meaning of marriage, they go to pre cana etc, I think its nonsense. If all these people seeking annullments really worked at making their marriage work, it just might, but , people want out right away for the lamest excuses. There are people who struggle with their marriage, sometimes having impossible partners, but they make it work

 

[ac_claire]

Be sure you’re not confusing any natural desire or attraction toward your spouse as being lustful. This might help some of you: Lust. It helped clear some things up for me.

 

[Vico]

Methodi, sin is not a reason for annullment.

It does happen that people do not understand their vows when they marry. Some lie also.

There are just three ways in canon law that a true and valid marriage does not exist in a previous union:

1. where there was a lack or defect of what is called “canonical form.”
2. where there was an impediment to the marriage.
3. where there was a defect in the consent exchanged between the partners (the most significant in the majority of cases).

Note that till consummated it can also be annulled.

 

[Methodi]

Methodi, sin is not a reason for annullment.

It does happen that people do not understand their vows when they marry. Some lie also.

There are just three ways in canon law that a true and valid marriage does not exist in a previous union:

1. where there was a lack or defect of what is called “canonical form.”
2. where there was an impediment to the marriage.
3. where there was a defect in the consent exchanged between the partners (the most significant in the majority of cases).

Note that till consummated it can also be annulled.

I am sorry, I still dont buy that, as far as I am concerned when U go to that altar In the presence of God & Are married By a catholic priest, & You make your vows, U are married!, What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Yrs ago, many people for the sake of their catholic faith lived in horrendous marriages, but wouldnt divorce for the sake of their faith, people made sacrifice them days , not so today.Probably every marriage performed, there can be found a reason for an annullment if they wanted one

 

[Vico]

Methodi, you wrote: “I am sorry, I still dont buy that, as far as I am concerned when U go to that altar In the presence of God & Are married By a catholic priest, & You make your vows, U are married!,
What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

So can we conclude that you don’t believe in divorce, then?

And you have said in your remark then you don’t abide by the Catholic canon law.

 

[Methodi]

Methodi, you wrote: “I am sorry, I still dont buy that, as far as I am concerned when U go to that altar In the presence of God & Are married By a catholic priest, & You make your vows, U are married!,
What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

So can we conclude that you don’t believe in divorce, then?

And you have said in your remark then you don’t abide by the Catholic canon law.

I guess I dont, But I will also say that many Catholics have some problems with the canon law & other issues with the church. I base what I say on what I see in everyday situations, I am not a scholar But i do know how people behave, & some even cradle catholics behave badly. This is an I ,me ,& My world, & thats the way most behave, save for a few

 

[Vico]

EvelynEVF wrote: “So tension may make one think of having sex, but actually approaching the lover with that desire, in purity, will end up in an act of love, not neutrality”

Yes, to ask, “do we both wish to bring a new life in the world?”, knowing that it is a gift one grants to the other. Although some rare couples find that their spiritual inclinations remove their physical desire, yet they do have children as an offering to God.

For example, the parents of Thérèse de Lisieux, Blessed Louis Martin and Blessed Marie-Azélie Guérin.

Before marriage, Louis applied to enter the monastery of the Grand St Bernard but did not get in because of difficulty learning Latin. Also, Zélie Guerin had was not accepted by the convent she applied to.

 

[eichenb2]

I think everyone is over spiritualizing it. You are making love. It is not some mechanical process. As regards specific actions, if it feels objectifying, it is wrong.

 

[SeekingHeaven]

What do you do when sexual tension builds up? Most likely the correct answer is: Nothing. That’s what nocturnal emissions are there for, to flush out all that built up tension while you’re sleeping.

 

[Methodi]

What do you do when sexual tension builds up? Most likely the correct answer is: Nothing. That’s what nocturnal emissions are there for, to flush out all that built up tension while you’re sleeping.

Sex pleasure has been worshipped since the beginning of time, & still is.Eating is a pleasure, so we eat, sex is a pleasure so we have sex, God gave us our sexuality for more reasons than to conceive children, people are enjoying sex well up into their 80`s & even older.We are sexual beings so there are always going to be issues with sex

 

[SeekingHeaven]

Sex pleasure has been worshipped since the beginning of time, & still is.Eating is a pleasure, so we eat, sex is a pleasure so we have sex, God gave us our sexuality for more reasons than to conceive children, people are enjoying sex well up into their 80`s & even older.We are sexual beings so there are always going to be issues with sex

While eating is pleasurable, it isn’t just “pleasure” but rather a necessity. If you eat dull-tasting food, you will not die or live any longer than if you ate something more fulfilling to your taste buds. Sex also is a purpose (for procreation and expressing love with your spouse), which is obviously pleasurable as well, but just like eating, people should not have sex for the sole purpose of pleasure. When one does things like this, such as eating for pleasure, we call this a “disorder.”

 

[Methodi]

While eating is pleasurable, it isn’t just “pleasure” but rather a necessity. If you eat dull-tasting food, you will not die or live any longer than if you ate something more fulfilling to your taste buds. Sex also is a purpose (for procreation and expressing love with your spouse), which is obviously pleasurable as well, but just like eating, people should not have sex for the sole purpose of pleasure. When one does things like this, such as eating for pleasure, we call this a “disorder.”

BUT THEY DO DON`T THEY, MAKE NO MISTAKE, THEY DO. Most are after sex pleasure, look around you see for yourself

 

[SeekingHeaven]

BUT THEY DO DON`T THEY, MAKE NO MISTAKE, THEY DO. Most are after sex pleasure, look around you see for yourself

No one is saying people don’t have sex to just have sex, because they do or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation. No one really knows what is in two people’s heads and the reasons a specific couple are having sex anyway. The way you worded it in your initial post is most definitely a sin, however. The keyword being that people ‘worship’ sex and pleasure. I believe that in itself violates the First Commandment as well.

 

[mercyfalling]

Just because a man has “sexual tension” doesn’t mean he has no desire is to experience a connection with his wife on an emotional level, too. The physical arousal should be part and parcel with a “spiritual tension” of wanting to reconnect as a couple. The two sides, physical and spiritual, are intimately intertwined and cannot be totally separated if love is a part of it at all. Even biologically this is true. The hormones create both a physical and emotional component that “glues” the couple together. If you are feeling only a physical desire without any desire for emotionally connecting with your wife, then St. Thomas Aquinas has argued that you would be committing a mortal sin against your wife by using her for only your physical satisfaction, separated from any other purpose. As I understand what he explains further (in the Summa), to use your wife primarily to satisfy your physical cravings, but with at least an appreciation of the fact that she is your wife, and if you wouldn’t want to do so with another woman, then it is only a venial sin.

But the natural tendency of the body (if left unwarped by years of lustful habits and false teachings) is to intimately connect both the spiritual and physical elements in the sexual relationship. Then for you to have “tension” would mean both the physical desire along with the desire for your wife as an individual. The one builds on the other and they both feed off of each other. In that context your body is expressing what your soul feels - that you need to be close to your wife. Men are made for love, and sex is the greatest expression of it. The body often feels it first and reminds the mind of what’s most important.

If you take that tension to your wife and show her how much you desire HER, that your body craves her because she is yours (not because it would crave another woman just as easily, or because it just happened out of nowhere and she’s obligated to satisfy you), then she will feel honored and loved, and all will be well. In that case, to relieve your physical tension is a cooperation with, and renewal of, the Sacramental qraces of the marriage.

God made our bodies to want something, and he wants us to arrive at the satisfaction that he willed for us (as a foretaste of his own divine love, joy, and intimacy that we will experience fully in Heaven). The satisfaction comes when all the components are coodinated - body, mind and soul. Your body’s physical drive is described by Pope John Paul II as “the power to love”. Use it to jump-start the love connection with your wife. If she isn’t receptive, woo her with attention until she can no longer resist you. I don’t know of a single woman who can hold out forever when given consistent whole-hearted attention. They crave it. But don’t feel guilty that you’re just playing her to get your needs met. As long as you need her as a wife as much as you need a physical release (and your giving attention to her in other ways will prove that point to her), then all will be well.

 

[Methodi]

No one is saying people don’t have sex to just have sex, because they do or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation. No one really knows what is in two people’s heads and the reasons a specific couple are having sex anyway. The way you worded it in your initial post is most definitely a sin, however. The keyword being that people ‘worship’ sex and pleasure. I believe that in itself violates the First Commandment as well.

I didnt say anything that is not true, sex pleasure was & still is worshipped , I am not saying that its all good because it isnt, about 60% of babies are born out of wedlock, the babies suffer, the Father of the baby usually splits. A lot of cases the babies are aborted,& this is true also Most dads ,not all ,if their sons are not sexually active by a certain age they begin to think something is wrong with him,they dont want their daughters to do it but for the son its ok & expected, but who do these parents think their sons are doing it with , somebody elses daughter. Its all screwed up

 

[Vico]

Pope Benedict XVI wrote in God is Love (his first encyclical) that eros must be disciplined and purified. He explains that human love is a combination of desire for (eros) and desire for the good of (agape). And he said that Eros reduced to pure sex has become a commodity, making the body a commodity, and has produced hatred of the body. Rather eros purified with renunciation becomes a vital expression of spirit and matter.

I can see where the idea that marriage is license for sexual pleasure and also that sexual pleasure is an end in itself - in or out of marriage, brings about abortion, use of contraceptives, loss of respect and dignity, selfishness: in short, all the sexual sins.

But conversely the idea of sexual restraint, marriage as perpetual, exclusive, and open to life, leads to respect and dignity, unselfishness, charity, and family life.