Marital responsibilities amid divore

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bellasdad

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What are the responsibilities toward ones spouse after civil divorce? Both spouses wear their rings. No annulment Is being pursued. Five children still live with mom. Dad is trying to reconcile, but wife won’t give him the time of day unless it is an issue with the children.
 
bellasdad said:
What are the responsibilities toward ones spouse after civil divorce? Both spouses wear their rings. No annulment Is being pursued. Five children still live with mom. Dad is trying to reconcile, but wife won’t give him the time of day unless it is an issue with the children.
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I’d say since conjugal living has ceased that peacefully coparenting is the main thing to focus on.
 
bellasdad said:
What are the responsibilities toward ones spouse after civil divorce? Both spouses wear their rings. No annulment Is being pursued. Five children still live with mom. Dad is trying to reconcile, but wife won’t give him the time of day unless it is an issue with the children.
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Well, civil divorce is not yet a ground for separation until the church court allows one. See canons 1151-1154.
 
bellasdad said:
What are the responsibilities toward ones spouse after civil divorce? Both spouses wear their rings. No annulment Is being pursued. Five children still live with mom. Dad is trying to reconcile, but wife won’t give him the time of day unless it is an issue with the children.
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I think dad needs to stop making overtures. Maybe just say something like, “Honey, I love you and I want to be with you, but at this point the ball is in your court. If you want us to be together again, you’ll need to say so.”

Anything more runs the risk of being viewed as harassment and putting him in legal jeopardy.

And then just be a decent co-parent.
 
Xantippe said:
The canons don’t say what you say they say.
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Can. 1151 Spouses have the duty and right to preserve conjugal living unless a legitimate cause excuses them.
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Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too diYcult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.
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§2. In all cases, when the cause for the separation ceases, conjugal living must be restored unless ecclesiastical authority has established otherwise.
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JurisPrudens:
Thanks for demonstrating my point. It was incomplete to say that “civil divorce is not yet a ground for separation until the church court allows one.”
 
pensmama87 said:
I’d say since conjugal living has ceased that peacefully coparenting is the main thing to focus on.
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I agree. If a spouse has made it clear they’ll make an effort to reconcile and the other doesn’t want to, nothing more can really be done on that issue. Pray, try to be the person they would want to reconcile with… focus on the kids.

And that means each parent needs to not just work on their own relationship with their children, but not interfere and do what they can to support the other parent’s relationship with the children. No putting the children in the middle of things.

One of the first issues should be, if at all possible, joint custody-- kids should be spending equal time living with both parents if at all possible. The kids need to believe they have a home with both parents and aren’t visitors to one, if that makes sense. My kids don’t have the attitude that they have a home with their mother, their perception is that its a place they visit, exactly the same as visiting an aunt/uncle/grandparent/older cousin.
 
bellasdad said:
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Both spouses wear their rings.
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FWIW. I wore my ring up until the legal divorce was final. Oddly, it was an enormous relief to my kids when I stopped wearing it for a couple of reasons. They saw it as a sign that I was grounded in the reality of the situation vice being delusional or having false hopes. Also, that I was not expressing a loyalty they believed my wife no longer deserved. The ring, and the one she left behind have been melted down and made into a new ring with my children’s birthstones and an infinity symbol engraved in it as kind of a commitment ring to them that I will love them always.

Not sure what country you are in and what the laws are, however, while we can have an intellectual discussion on the obligations under canon law, rules and guidance of the church etc., actions also need to be guided by the legal reality of a situation. Each spouse has free will and whether they follow the church’s teaching is up to them. While that can be pointed out to a spouse, it may not be productive in improving the situation. YMMV.
 
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