Marital Separation

[mrsbvm]

This is a question for a Canon lawyer-type. How far does the following Canon reach?
Can. 1153 §1 A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other or to the children, or otherwise makes the common life unduly difficult, provides the other spouse with a reason to leave, either by a decree of the local Ordinary or, if there is danger in delay, even on his or her own authority.

Does the “danger of soul” have to come directly from the other spouse? What about other family members living or not living in the home? For example, my stepdaughter has chosen to live with her fiance until they get married next year. I have a 12-year old at home and am battling to keep her from knowing this is happening. Also, my mother-in-law recently moved in with us and I find out she has a subscription to one of those grocery store tabloid magazines. Do either of these situations pose a “danger of soul” to my daughter to the point of justifying separation?

 

[Liberanosamalo]

No, I would say not.

They do present an opportunity for you to explain to your innocent daughter the lack of wisdom in cohabitation. And I buy the tabloids and my daughters read them. And it gives me a wonderful cultural frame of reference about bad behavior:

See Bristol Palin… she trusted him. He went on tv and talked about their sex life. She thought they’d marry. Now she has a baby. He’s gone. She’s got twice as hard a life ahead of her now and her fun times are over.

Look at Britney’s little sister. He’s a player, she has a baby. Bad idea. It didn’t end happily after all.

See what happens when you do drugs… you end up looking like him/her. And all the makeup in Hollywood can’t fix that.

That kind of thing. Which I think is less immoral than using people they KNOW as examples. That is gossip, where Hollywood types put themselves out there for craven publicity.

Seriously, you have a very few short years left to introduce your daughter to the real world with you as a filter and guide. Start now before she is out there alone and seeing it all without you by her side.

Unless someone in the home is molesting her or subjecting you all to drunken rages, or disease or a trail of heroin addicts coming to the door for their fix, you can’t pack up and leave over magazines and a bad example from a step-sibling.

Editing to say that what I could not protect my children from came from very close relatives AFTER a divorce. Even leaving a marriage doesn’t protect a child. It just means YOU are not there all the time to supervise and advise.

 

[dans0622]

Does the “danger of soul” have to come directly from the other spouse? What about other family members living or not living in the home? For example, my stepdaughter has chosen to live with her fiance until they get married next year. I have a 12-year old at home and am battling to keep her from knowing this is happening. Also, my mother-in-law recently moved in with us and I find out she has a subscription to one of those grocery store tabloid magazines. Do either of these situations pose a “danger of soul” to my daughter to the point of justifying separation?

Hello mrsbvm,

I would have to agree with liberanosamalo’s conclusion. Remember, the law says “grave” danger. I don’t think these circumstances reach that level.

And, it is true that the grave danger is expected to be coming from the other spouse directly.

It’s always a good idea to talk to your parish priest about these things. Perhaps he will have some other helpful, practical advice.

Dan

 

[Em_in_FL]

Does the “danger of soul” have to come directly from the other spouse? What about other family members living or not living in the home? For example, my stepdaughter has chosen to live with her fiance until they get married next year. I have a 12-year old at home and am battling to keep her from knowing this is happening. Also, my mother-in-law recently moved in with us and I find out she has a subscription to one of those grocery store tabloid magazines. Do either of these situations pose a “danger of soul” to my daughter to the point of justifying separation?

I don’t understand… are you asking whether it’s okay to separate from your husband because of the sins of your stepdaughter or your MIL?

Why not use those situations as talking points with your daughter and have them be lessons, examples, and reasons to pray together rather than something she needs to be hidden from.

 

[1ke]

Do either of these situations pose a “danger of soul” to my daughter to the point of justifying separation?

You should discuss this with your priest. It seems you are looking for reasons to justify separating from your spouse, which means there is something underlying this question. It doesn’t seem that anything you’ve written about falls under this Canon. The Canon is not intended to be construed as any cultural issue at odds with the faith you encounter as a part of life.

Have you talked to your spouse about how you two will handle his daughter’s cohabitation? Have you talked to your MIL or your husband about how you feel about the subscription? Are there other problems in your marriage?

 

[mrsbvm]

Thank you all for responding. It was an effort on my part to “protect” my daughter from immoral situations and influences. If I “separated” I would have taken my daughter with me. However, considering your responses and giving it some thought and prayer my original question seems rather silly. I guess it was more my wish to avoid having to confront difficult situations and subjects with family members. I don’t particularly like conflict, but Our Blessed Lord said we will be persecuted and hated because He was persecuted and hated first. He also was not accepted in His own town either.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Thank you all for responding. It was an effort on my part to “protect” my daughter from immoral situations and influences. If I “separated” I would have taken my daughter with me. However, considering your responses and giving it some thought and prayer my original question seems rather silly. I guess it was more my wish to avoid having to confront difficult situations and subjects with family members. I don’t particularly like conflict, but Our Blessed Lord said we will be persecuted and hated because He was persecuted and hated first. He also was not accepted in His own town either.

But you can address the situations without conflict…
At some point in her life, your daughter is going to have to learn about the sin that exists in the world. It’s there, it’s not going away. But as her mother you can guide her through those situations as learning tools. It doesn’t have to be done in a loud and conflicting way… these lessons can be addressed in a quiet, prayerful way also. Discuss the fact that your step-daughter is living with her fiance. TALK about why this is not a wise choice and how it degrades the beautiful sacrament of marriage. TALK with her about the racy magazines and DISCUSS why these influences only serve to degrade women and how they don’t hold women up on a beautiful pedestal of femininity. Hiding from these things won’t make them go away. Parenting her through these things will help form her conscience and mold her heart so she is able to then stand up on her own as an adult.