marriage advice

[briski12]

I am a cradle catholic serious in my faith my wife whom I married back in 2009 is a non-denominational Protestant. We got married in the Catholic Church. When we were dating in the beginning I had what I did not know back then my wife start RCIA but then at that point I realized you cant force someone to convert to your faith it has to come in Gods time in their heart.So she did not pursue RCIA further she is presently non denom. Protestant Here we are 7 years later we have 3 beautiful children priceless gifts from God. So my issue is that my wife has started going to this MOPS group for pre school moms at a non denominational church ok fine I was ok but now I found this invitation to scripture \ bible study on our counter we had an argument b\c I do not want her doing this before you know it she starts attending services at this place and you know how it goes with people. My mother in law left the Church years ago likely b]c she was raised cultural Catholicism did not know her faith so left b\c if you dont know the faith then its no big deal to leave. It appears though over the past 7 years I have come to realize my mother in law really is Anti Catholic but in quiet way. My big problem is I love my wife but I dont want to ram the faith down her throat that will just drive her away. At our parish we do have bible study but b\c of our kids being really little still we have barely had time to get involved in our Church. I told my wife in pre canna classes I was going to raise our kids Catholic she said pretty much ok she even was for NFP in the child bearing years of our marriage which up until last year has been the past 6 years now all the sudden she wants to get her tubes tied. A lot of these things I could have never been able to see into the future to realize she was going to change all of this stuff in marriage I feel upset hurt and really deceived. I am not good at articulating the faith and she is not good at arguments starts to cry and melt down totally both of us just go silent and wont talk for a day or 2 when these types of faith matters come up.

I need objective advise help please I am really worried here.

 

[jane_doe]

I too am in a interfaith marriage (Mormon to Evangelical). Here’s my very blunt two cents:

1. Love you wife. Love your wife right now, as she is. Do NOT wait around waiting for her to change so then you can love her. Love her 200% as she is right now, non-demon and all.
2. Accept the fact that your cannot change your wife- anything about her, including her faith. Rather, it is your job right now to love her faith and the Good it brings into her life (even if you feel it is flawed). Celebrate her going to MOPS and reading the Bible.
3. The only person’s faith you are in control of is your own. If you want more Catholicism in your life, then get yourself to mass, get yourself praying, get yourself to confession. Do not let “lack of time” (aka mixed up priorities) stand in between you and God. If you feel that you need the Catholic church is your family’s life, then get up and bring it in, starting with yourself.
4. NO ARGUING ABOUT FAITH.

 

[Irishmom2]

Reiterate that you will be raising your children Catholic. But do not force your wife or argue about her being Catholic. Lead by example and pray that one day she changes her mind because of what she sees in you, and your children.

 

[Sunbreak]

Your wife is not Catholic. Don’t try to control her. She is entitled as an adult to follow the faith of her choosing. If you nag her about being Catholic or don’t let her pursue her own interests it will just push her away.

 

[Viki63]

Children usually follow the faith of their fathers.
Take them to mass with you (starting as young as 3), explain what is going on, pray with them at bedtime.
As others have said, love your wife, pray for her, and be glad that she is trying to follow Jesus. Focus on what you have in common.

.

 

[Anglewannabe]

So my issue is that my wife has started going to this MOPS group for pre school moms at a non denominational church ok fine I was ok but now I found this invitation to scripture \ bible study on our counter we had an argument b\c I do not want her doing this before you know it she starts attending services at this place and you know how it goes with people. .

With all due respect, it is no surprise that after attending the MOPS group she would accept an invitation to their bible study and their services. She probably has made friends there and wants to share her faith with them.

As much as I am sorry you are going through this, since as a Catholic, I understand that you want your kids to have only a Catholic influence, you can’t have it both ways. If you truly believe she will come to the Catholic faith in God’s time then you must patiently wait while she is NOT in the faith.

I am a firm believer in the original contract and if you married her knowing she was not Catholic, she never really did promise you she would lead a Catholic lifestyle so in her mind, she has done nothing wrong

Angie

 

[Irishmom2]

she never really did promise you she would lead a Catholic lifestyle so in her mind, she has done nothing wrong

Angie

If you reread the OP’s post you will see that he said his wife and he discussed things in pre-Cana. She agreed to raise their children Catholic and to practice nfp. Should he not have taken her at her word? She would be wrong not to abide by this agreement, though she is free to go to whatever church she chooses.

 

[Anglewannabe]

If you reread the OP’s post you will see that he said his wife and he discussed things in pre-Cana. She agreed to raise their children Catholic and to practice nfp. Should he not have taken her at her word? She would be wrong not to abide by this agreement, though she is free to go to whatever church she chooses.

Well, it is no surprise you disagree with me. It is almost expected you would respond negatively to anything I say.

I read the post and no where does it say his wife won’t let him bring the kids up Catholic. Also, if during RCIA he understands she no longer wants to be a Catholic, he is setting a precedent she can change her mind. As for the NFP, the OP says ‘she was OK with it during our child bearing years’. That implies his wife is no longer fertile, so I honestly don’t understand why she would get her tubes tied. But nonetheless it does imply she has past her ability to bear children

 

[pianistclare]

Well, since the thread got derailed for no particular reason…

OP:
Bible study is a good thing. It’s a door through which you can have a dialog about faith.
That’s where you start.
She has found a home with these people because they were nice to her.
Have you invited her or have you asked some of the ladies of your parish to invite her to some Catholic things? Has she interacted with other Catholic mother’s?
She doesn’t sound like she’s “past child bearing age”.
She sounds like she is overwhelmed and needs a friend and a sympathetic ear.
Is that you for her?
How can it become YOU?
How can you make her feel welcome in your parish?
Start there.
You’re right. Digging in your heels over something she she had to find out for herself will only drive her further from Catholicism.
You have 3 kids under the age of 5, most likely. Those other Christians love bombed her. Can’t say as I blame her.
Find out what you two have in common. You love Jesus, you love your kids.
Work from that starting point. But don’t discourage her or speak ill of her new friends.
Ask her to go to Church with you as a family. See what happens.