Marriage after infidelity... POLL

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I’ve never understood why so many people think it is an automatic divorce after a one time affair. Yes, circumstances are important, but people make mistakes, even grave ones.
 
Rascalking said:
I’ve never understood why so many people think it is an automatic divorce after a one time affair. Yes, circumstances are important, but people make mistakes, even grave ones.
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Yes they do… but hard to overcome… im in the middle of recovering…ouch!!!
 
Where is the “I don’t know but I hope I’m never faced with it” option?

Joe
 
FaithandHope-

My heart breaks for you. Your spouse should throw themself at your feet and beg for fogiveness.

Ill keep you in my prayers.
 
jwashu said:
Where is the “I don’t know but I hope I’m never faced with it” option?

Joe
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I second the above. It’s clear that we’re called to offer forgiveness. It’s not so clear to know if you’ll be able to if the trial comes.

Happily, I’m as sure as can be that I won’t have to deal with it. :cool:
 
I hope I could. :bigyikes:

… as we forgive those who trespass against us… :grouphug:
 
cabolissa said:
Would you be able to forgive your spouse after an affair?
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I might forgive but I’d never forget and it would destroy our marriage. I already have trust issues that would only be aggravated by that betrayal.
 
Phemie said:
I might forgive but I’d never forget and it would destroy our marriage. I already have trust issues that would only be aggravated by that betrayal.
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I have the same feelings as this person. I would forgive, but I could never forget and probably could not move on. I also have some trust and self confidence issues that a blow like that would probably make it really hard to move on. Of course I can’t say for sure since I’m not in this position but I don’t think I could make it work…
 
*Yes, I’m not sure if I could ever trust again…but, with God, all things are possible. I know I would forgive, I think that it would depend on the “type” of affair…a one time, momentary lapse of judgement, perhaps–an affair where my husband is telling another woman he loves her, and they are planning a life together if he would only leave me…I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d ‘want’ my husband back if he was having a full blown ‘other life’ behind my back. 😦 I mean, what would I be getting back, really? It would depend. I pray I never have to deal with this.

I offer my prayers to all who are going through such a painful trial as this. And I admire all who have overcome this type of situation in their marriages. *
 
When I was preparing for marriage, our priest asked us if there was any offense we would not be able to forgive. My husband said adultry, and I said if he harmed our future children. So I guess it’s a yes for me and a no for my husband. . . Fortunately, I trust our marriage enough not to be offended. 🙂
 
BrokenFortress said:
I have the same feelings as this person. I would forgive, but I could never forget and probably could not move on. I also have some trust and self confidence issues that a blow like that would probably make it really hard to move on. Of course I can’t say for sure since I’m not in this position but I don’t think I could make it work…
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I think you’d be surprised what you can do with God’s help. 😉
 
I think I could forgive him eventually (I certainly hope and pray God would give me the grace), and I would still love him, but I could not live with him. We would have to split because I could not respect him after that, and I cannot live with somebody I do not respect (would be very bad for the kids to live with having to see their mother disrespect their father on a regular basis).

Now, I do think I would be open to the possibility of rekindling the relationship a LONG way down the road from the time of the affair. He would basically have to woo me and try to regain my trust, building the relationship from square one. I have trust issues, though, so I honestly don’t know if he would ever be able to regain my trust. And again, I could not live as man and wife with somebody I could not trust.

My husband feels the same way. Adultery would forever end the wonderful relationship we have. And whether we could build another kind of relationship years down the road would be iffy.

To be honest, one of the hardest things for me to forgive would be the fact that he had exposed me to the possibility of life-threatening STDs by having sex with somebody else while sleeping with me. That would be the very hardest thing for me to forgive----that my health, wellbeing, and even life had been of so little importance to him that he would put it all at risk for sex with another woman.

Just my .02
 
I very much believe that when we married we became ONE with God. I look at all the things that God has forgiven me for and know that I would have to do all I could to forgive my spouse if anything like that did happen.
 
I begged my ex to go to counseling but he would not have it. Since him being Baptist & me being Catholic was also a big problem in our marriage, I even went as far as to tell him he could pick the church & preacher for us to get counseling. & still . … nothing. during the marriage I tried to compromise in our child being raised in both denominations & letting him choose when he is older but that was a no go. it was his way or the highway. I had no choice but to let him go. I couldn’t force him to stay married to me. Even with me having been raised by a Baptist & a Catholic . . nope . . it wasn’t enough for him, it HAD to be his way. & we ended up divorcing. & Post Divorce parenting IS NOT PLEASANT by the way!!! We are still faced with the same issues when we were married & that is how & what church to raise our son in.
 
ErikaSantiago said:
I begged my ex to go to counseling but he would not have it. Since him being Baptist & me being Catholic was also a big problem in our marriage, I even went as far as to tell him he could pick the church & preacher for us to get counseling. & still . … nothing. during the marriage I tried to compromise in our child being raised in both denominations & letting him choose when he is older but that was a no go. it was his way or the highway. I had no choice but to let him go. I couldn’t force him to stay married to me. Even with me having been raised by a Baptist & a Catholic . . nope . . it wasn’t enough for him, it HAD to be his way. & we ended up divorcing. & Post Divorce parenting IS NOT PLEASANT by the way!!! We are still faced with the same issues when we were married & that is how & what church to raise our son in.
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What an awful situation to be in. You have my sympathies. 😦
 
I suppose I would forgive her, but the urge for revenge (muhahahahahah) would be to great for me to stay in the same house as her. I suppose I would drive to México for a couple of weeks and just cool down before I did anything.
 
I think I could forgive fairly quickly and return to wanting the best for him and our relationship again, although I would be an emotional wreck in a lot of other ways. Trusting him, believing that he loves me still, getting past blaming myself - those things would all take a long time and a lot of counseling.
 
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