S
SextusEmpiricus
Guest
I’m sure this question has been asked before… But I’m curious what the churches position on mental/emotional abuse with regard to marriage. Is the abused spouse obligated to stay?
- Status
1
1ke
Guest
Why would the church obligate someone to remain in an abusive situation?
Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficulg, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving,
Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficulg, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving,
J
Jon_S_1
Guest
The Church allows separation. It also allows divorce under certain circumstance. Hopefully the goal of any separation would be to create a safe space that allows for each individual to work on their issues and the marriage can then be reconciled.
Speak to you pastor about it.
Prayers.
Definitely not. In fact, if the abuse was ongoing from before the marriage or started soon after,it may be seen as a reason to nullify the marriage.
R
RPRPsych
Guest
Or if the abuse results from a psychological disorder on the part of the abusing spouse which would nullify the marriage. Good point.
S
SextusEmpiricus
Guest
Interesting. Here are more facts about this case:Or if the abuse results from a psychological disorder on the part of the abusing spouse which would nullify the marriage. Good point.
- Spouses married 18 years, with one teenage child
- Spouse1 has something called Borderline Personality Disorder, which has caused significant issues in the marriage and where i have witnessed some of the emotional abuse
- Spouse1 is a fundamentalist evangelical (not sure which church)
- Spouse2 is a convert to catholicism and feels obligated to remain in the marriage
- Spouse1 is anti-catholic (as in “i would not have married you or had children with you had i known you were going to become catholic” - sent via text message from S1 to S2)
- Spouses live in separate bedrooms, with no conjugal activity for the past year (obviously i have not witnessed this personally)
- Spouse2 is a friend of mine
R
RPRPsych
Guest
Hmm, I’d love to pontificate here, but giving medical opinions on this forum isn’t permitted.
However, borderline personality disorder is a fairly serious and intractable condition which can be grounds for an annulment:
ewtn.com/v/experts/showmessage.asp?number=519936&Pg=&Pgnu=&recnu=
ewtn.com/v/experts/showmessage.asp?number=448492&Pg=&Pgnu=&recnu
1
1ke
Guest
Spouse 2 should talk to her pastor and also seek counsel to deal with being in a relationship with someone with BPD. It is detrimental to the children also and she should help them get counseling.
Whether the marriage is ultimately found to be valid or not, Spouse 2 should do what is best for him/herself and the children including separate if that is what is best. Spouse 2 may or may not be free to marry again, but that is not really the issue.
1
1ke
Guest
Of course the ideal is to remain in the marriage or reconcile if separated. This is not always possible.
Understanding of the nature of bipolar, borderline personality, narcicistic personality, psychopathy and sociopathy has changed in recent years and information is more readily available than in years past. Priests are also typically not psychologists.
They are human and make mistakes in their counsel and prudential judgment. I am sorry you got bad advice.
A
Anglewannabe
Guest
I have met priest who have given very bad advice. They are sinners as well. Sometimes, they are unaware of the situation and make an honest mistake. Other priests are really just not good with intimate emotional details and side step such conversations. Other priest are sadly …let’s just say not nice people.
And then some are good. I think the benefit of living in a bigger city is there are several churches and more priests to go to
Angie
S
Still_Hoping
Guest
I do live in a bigger city. I guess what I was looking for was for the priest to say I had legal grounds for an annulment or divorce. I don’t know why people have to pay the rest of their lives for marrying the wrong person. Misery on earth is for me a great sin in of itself. Seek happiness and truth. I am tired of filtering through laws and rules and books to justify what I feel. I am not happy with my spouse regardless if he has changed. I am going to ask God for forgiveness because now I am looking out for my happiness.
God Bless
1
1ke
Guest
As far as annulment, a priest isn’t going to be able to tell you that on the spot.
As for divorce, that is up to you.
I hope you do find peace if you are in an abusive situation.
S
SextusEmpiricus
Guest
What about the lack of conjugal activity? (See my post above).
It seems to me that there is “abandonment” of the marital relationship - despite the fact that the spouses are housemates.
It seems to me that there is “abandonment” of the marital relationship - despite the fact that the spouses are housemates.
1
1ke
Guest
Which is grounds for nothing.
I don’t know where you are going with that. Continence in marriage can be mutually agreed upon.
T
ToeInTheWater
Guest
It seems some Catholics don’t see a “point” to civil divorce if they don’t have a case for annulment. Hence why many who post on CAFers about their failing marriages ask “do you think I have a case for annulment”? They’d rather try to salvage the current marriage, then get a civil divorce, NOT get an annulment, and wind up “alone”.
However, I think there are certainly situations that are so bad, civil divorce is reasonable, that being “alone” is a better alternative than being in an abusive marriage.
ETA: I used the quotes around “alone” because I assume most of these people have friends and family to support them. But I know many people in the married state think “a bad marriage is better than no marriage at all”.
1
1ke
Guest
Yes, sadly.
S
SextusEmpiricus
Guest
I wasn’t making a claim that it was grounds for anything. I know that it has been a source of discontentment in many marriages where one spouse unilaterally decides to abstain from any type of intimacy or affection, leaving the other spouse, at a minimum, quite frustrated; or, worse, resentful.
1
1ke
Guest
Ah, gotcha. Thanks for clarifying.
- Status