I think one of the main things that comes up here is that in many parishes the clergy does not know their parishioners and vice versa. I don’t mean that as an accusation, but rather as an observation.
My last three children were baptized within 3 to 10 days of their birth. No classes; no getting in line on the schedule. This wasn’t a decade or two ago either, but in the last 1 to 5 years. One of our friends complained that they had to take 2 classes with each of their last 2 kids despite being in the same parish and having kids roughly the same age.
Our conversation went a little like this:
“Did you talk with Father or the Deacon”
… “err… no”
“Do you know if Father knows who you are?”
… “well we say hi on the way out of Mass on Sundays”
“But does he know you and know you are practicing?”
… “maybe, but I don’t know since we never really talk to him”
I don’t mean that to say that they are at fault for being two of 6,000 people in the parish, but rather that my wife and my involvement in the parish has let us get to know the clergy. As such they know we practice our faith and are willing to “wave” the requirements. On the other hand there are thousands of people who simply are names on a check but never bother to get to know the clergy.
Combine that with people that show up to a class with a chip on their shoulder, muttering about how stupid it is, and they have to make a judgement call. If you were to say “why can’t we skip this; it’s a waste of time” I would be a lot less likely to say okay then if you said “I understand how important it is to know about the sacraments; would you give me a waver if I can show I understand them”.
Most priest and deacons I know are very willing to accommodate people if they can show they understand what the sacraments are, but most reasons I’ve seen for shortening prep sound like “We’ve been planning this for months and already have everything setup, we just need a priest there on Saturday in six weeks.” Or “we’ve already booked out honeymoon and if we wait another two months it will be the rainy season”.
Now that doesn’t mean that the couple automatically doesn’t know anything about marriage, but if you ask how long they’ve planned their wedding most can tell you within a couple weeks. If you then ask how long they’ve planned their marriage, many give you a blank look. In other words many have talked about the wedding, but don’t necessarily consider it as distinct from their marriage and see the wedding as the most important aspect.
One of the questions I like to ask is “You’ve planned your wedding, but have you given thought to each other’s funeral?” That generally gets them to stop and ask why. I then say “Well, the wedding marks the beginning of your marriage, but the funeral marks it’s end. What I need to make sure of is you are willing to take on everything in between”. My purpose is to get them to think beyond the next couple weeks, months or even years.
I don’t think there’s a silver bullet, but I do think the Church has an obligation to ensure that people understand what they are asking for in baptism or marriage. I have no problem if people plan for a year of prep but can show that they only need a couple months, but with the state of society now I think it is nearly impossible to assume the best unless you have a very small parish where people know each other.
But then other parishes are way too big for that sort of one-on-one interaction to take place very often.