Marriage and Being Open to Children When You're Older

[TrueLight]

I’m in my early forties although I easily pass for younger

My ex-husband is now deceased, so I dont have any impediments to remarriage.

I do know that I absolutely do not want any more children.

Although I’d love to remarry, if I am not open to children, does it mean I should forget about marriage untli I hit menopause?

Are there any older folks who have married on this forum and how did you handle the whole idea of having more children later in life.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I’m in my early forties although I easily pass for younger

My ex-husband is now deceased, so I dont have any impediments to remarriage.

I do know that I absolutely do not want any more children.

Although I’d love to remarry, if I am not open to children, does it mean I should forget about marriage untli I hit menopause?

Are there any older folks who have married on this forum and how did you handle the whole idea of having more children later in life.

Here is a Q&A on the topic that I found. In order to be valid, a Catholic marriage requires that the couple is open to life.

"In Catholic marriage which emphasizes procreation, what about an older couple creating a holy union in marriage that includes a life of love in serving God together in the Church but where sexual pleasure is still an obvious consideration? "…

Q&A here: chastitysf.com/q_secondmrg.htm

 

[SwizzleStick]

Here’s a CAF thread on the subject:

Marriage/Openness to Children-Any considerations?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=465189

 

[SwizzleStick]

Here’s another relevant CAF thread with an angle that I would never have thought of myself.

is it okay to only court infertile people b/c you don’t want children?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=288094

 

[Seatuck]

I’m in my early forties although I easily pass for younger

My ex-husband is now deceased, so I dont have any impediments to remarriage.

I do know that I absolutely do not want any more children.

Although I’d love to remarry, if I am not open to children, does it mean I should forget about marriage untli I hit menopause?

Are there any older folks who have married on this forum and how did you handle the whole idea of having more children later in life.

What you want to do is make sure that it is God’s plan for you to not have any more children. Creating and educating children is part of God’s plan for marriage. Should you meet some one and discuss marriage you will have to assess the readiness for a child at that time.

 

[TrueLight]

Here’s another relevant CAF thread with an angle that I would never have thought of myself.

is it okay to only court infertile people b/c you don’t want children?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=288094

Thanks everyone for all the links. I’m about to go out, but I will check them out when I get back.

I quickly scanned the first page of the above link and all I can say is “Wow”! What an interesting question!

 

[TrueLight]

Here is a Q&A on the topic that I found. In order to be valid, a Catholic marriage requires that the couple is open to life.

"In Catholic marriage which emphasizes procreation, what about an older couple creating a holy union in marriage that includes a life of love in serving God together in the Church but where sexual pleasure is still an obvious consideration? "…

Q&A here: chastitysf.com/q_secondmrg.htm

This is from the above link:

The sexual aspect of Holy Matrimony, however, does refer specifically to procreation. Note clearly, though, that the Catechism says only that all sexuality must be open to the transmission of life (§2366), not that it must result in procreation. This is why birth control which blocks fertility in some way (as opposed to simply abstaining from intercourse), and sexual contact of mere erotic pleasure (such as masturbation, same-sex stimulation, and anal sex [1]) are considered to be grave sins; all of these things are closed, not open, to life transmission. By making narcissistic pleasure their ultimate delight, these things lead you away from a holy, spiritual path into a useless dead end, precluding any service to God.

So, in the end, the answer to your question can come from answering another question. How exactly would Holy Matrimony in such a context serve God? If the only purpose of matrimony were to provide personal pleasure, then the sacrament wouldn’t result in any service to God, would it? What, then, should such a couple do? **Well, consider that staying single under those conditions and pursuing an individual or communal life of prayer and service to others in the greater family of the Church might serve God far more than a “marriage” of convenience. **

I don’t agree with the above. Procreation is the obvious purpose, but it is not the only purpose. If that’s the case, couples should split when they are no longer able to have children.

I specifically object to the inference that God cannot use a couple in any way but to have children. The intimacy that exists in marriage is a blessing.

 

[1ke]

“I’m not sure if I want more children at this age” and “I don’t want any more children, period” are not the same thing.

Being unsure about your fertility, ability, and desire to have children is not the same as an absolute and permanent intention against children.

What I suggest is that you dicuss it when and if you begin to be serious with someone. In a few years, possibly by the time you were actually ready to marry again, it might be a moot point.

 

[TrueLight]

Here’s a CAF thread on the subject:

Marriage/Openness to Children-Any considerations?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=465189

This is a good thread. Someone posted on that thread:

From the USCCB website:
Quote:
3. What is the difference between a valid and an invalid Catholic marriage?

Just as individual states have certain requirements for civil marriage (e.g., a marriage license, blood tests), the Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent;** (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and** (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.

So that would mean since I am not open to children, if a my future spouse decided to get our marriage annulled, there would be valid means.

That is certainly something to think about.