Marriage and pornography

  • Thread starter Thread starter kaisash
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Do you mean that i should seperate from my husband? what is the church’s stand on seperation?
 
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blueadept:
You have my prayers for you and your marriage. First, I would set up a meeting with a counselor immediately. Second, (you’ve probably already done this) convey how you’ve lost trust in him because of this and it’s his job to gain back that trust. Third, with him come up with a list of consequences that gets worse everytime he looks at pornography. Some guys need to weigh consequences when faced with issues of pornography. Porn vs. couch, porn vs. dishes, porn vs. money, porn vs. computer, porn vs. car, porn vs. boat, porn vs. separation, etc. BTW, talk of flirting with anyone else should go straight to separation. Convey the fact that he needs to rebuild trust in your relationship. Good luck and I will pray for you.
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If your husband was sick in the hospital with a disease how would you handle it? Since he is sick with addiction, is it any different?
 
The purpose of separation is for each party to work on the relationship. Dating anybody else is not working on the relationship. I don’t see where this contradicts church teaching. Both of you need to figure out if you want to honestly work on your relationship. Divorce, of course, is discouraged. Working on your relationship in whatever way is not.
 
To Buffalo,

**For better or worse. ** I not sure how one can work on an addiction from a hospital. They still would need to figure out a game plan once they got “dried up” or whatever. I would not suggest a separation if they are in a hospital. But I would have a heart to heart discussion about the addiction when it was reasonable.
 
Hi.

Well all i can say is, talk to him, which you seem to have done, please don’t leave him, or not yet anyway, try and work it out:) I know its harder said than done, but your marriage has only been a few months.
 
I have been through the same thing with my husband.

Sometimes in the heat of an argument, hurtful things can be said.
Keep working on your marriage.

If you need to talk, private message me.

God Bless, Jennie
 
My husband and I went through something similar. . . although it escalated to involving other people, yes affairs. I am concerned that he told you that he “lost all feelings for you after the wedding”. Love is not a “feeling” it is an action. Look at what Jesus gave up (sacrificed) for us because of His love for us! It seems to me that even after engaged-encounter etal. your husband still doesn’t understand the nature of love and its purpose. Alot of people don’t, mainly because of their maturity level.

Counseling is a good idea if you get a pro-marriage counselor. Mine wasn’t & actually had me plan my divorce & life after it, just so I knew I had that option! My husband continues to go to therapy (he suffers from depression as well-alot of porn addicts suffer from depression and low self-esteem) and is on anti-depressants (which helps with his “desire”).

I highly recommend Retrouvaille. Its a program for marriages that are on the verge of divorce. Its really helped both of us put things into perspective, helped us to communicate better and move our life together out of the pit. Go to www.retrouvaille.org
Sign up for a weekend before you divorce or separate.

Finally, turn to God. Trust Him to get you through this. You probably don’t feel like you can trust anyone anymore, your heart is broken (and I know how you feel), but God loves you and you can trust Him. Lean on Jesus.

PM me if you want. I know how you feel, but it can get better. I will be praying for you.
 
I just wanted to let you all know that at lunch today my husband and i agreed to go to the marriage encounter program that Wisdom had suggested. we were able to be calm and talk and actually agreed on this, that it would be good for our marriage and that we loved each other and we want to work it out. please continue to pray for us, our battle surely is not yet won.

“God give me the strength to bear my cross with strength, love and perfect trust in you.”
 
Wow kaisash I’m new here but I read your story and I hope everything works out. Sounds like you been through a lot!
 
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