Marriage and relations question

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I hear Fr. Al Lauer talking on his radio show that oral sex was not to be done even in marriage because of the risk of commiting lust. I thought Christopher West and theology of the body said it was ok as long as the man doesn’t spill his seed, is that ok? Which is correct? Ok or not? I’m talking if done correctly.
 
Funny…I just gave another a link to an examination of conscience that has this listed on it. It is written by a very solid, conservative priest and I trust his guidance fully. (I have never hear Fr. Lauer and I don’t mean to suggest that he is not solid in his faith). The priest who wrote this examination of conscience states that oral sex is okay in marriage when done as foreplay but also states that you are not to intentionally cause a sexual climax outside of intercourse. Commandment #6:

***6. You shall not commit adultery.
***- Adultery
  • Fornication (intercourse prior to marriage)
  • Masturbation or other impure acts with self
  • Homosexual acts
  • Using a contraceptive
  • Dressing or acting in a manner intended to cause arousal in another (spouses excepted)
  • Kissing or touching another passionately for the purpose of arousal (spouses excepted)
  • Allowing another to kiss or touch you in a sexual manner (spouses excepted)
  • Intentionally causing a sexual climax outside of intercourse
  • Onanism, i.e. intentional withdrawal and non-vaginal ejaculation
  • Flagrant immodesty in dress
  • Bestiality (sexual acts with animals)
  • Oral sex (permitted as foreplay in marriage)
  • Anal sex or other degrading sex practices
  • Prostitution
  • Rape
  • In-vitro fertilization or artificial insemination
  • Surrogate motherhood
  • “Selective reduction” of babies in the womb
  • Types of fertility testing that involve immoral acts
  • Involvement in or support of human cloning
  • Willful divorce or desertion
  • Incest
  • Polygamy or polyandry (many wives/husbands)
  • Cohabitation prior to marriage
  • Destroying the innocence of another by seducing or introducing them to immorality
  • Lust in the heart (“if I could I would”)
  • “Swinging” or wife swapping
  • Transvestitism or cross dressing
    Hope that helps.
 
The marital act is always to be both unitive and procreative.
This applies during pregnancy also.
Seed must not be spilled externally on purpose.
 
correct me if i am wrong but i seem to remember Christopher West book also said that: if a man reaches climax before his wife then it was ok to bring her to climax as well. Maybe i am confused about that.
 
I heard a speaker on Catholic Radio say oral sex was wrong within a marriage if the seed was spilled externally. However, I asked my parish priest once if oral sex is OK in marriage, and he said it was. So now I don’t know what to think.
 
Within marriage oral sex is okay as foreplay as long as sexual climax isn’t reached that way…basically saying the same thing over again…you cannot “spill seed” outside of intercourse.

As long as the subject is here, chb03c, I’d be interested to know the answer on your question as well!
 
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Asella:
I heard a speaker on Catholic Radio say oral sex was wrong within a marriage if the seed was spilled externally. However, I asked my parish priest once if oral sex is OK in marriage, and he said it was. So now I don’t know what to think.
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Church teaching is there is to be no spilling - ya gotta park the car in the garage not on the curb. 😃
 
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backhome:
Within marriage oral sex is okay as foreplay as long as sexual climax isn’t reached that way…basically saying the same thing over again…you cannot “spill seed” outside of intercourse.

As long as the subject is here, chb03c, I’d be interested to know the answer on your question as well!
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Backhome,
I am no expert but a diocean expert came to our parish and gave a talk about sex and he said that it was a man’s duty to satisfy his wife and that included making sure she climaxes. He then proceeded to tell us that since most women don’t reach climax as quickly as men this means foreplay is essential to the marital act.
 
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BlestOne:
Backhome,
I am no expert but a diocean expert came to our parish and gave a talk about sex and he said that it was a man’s duty to satisfy his wife and that included making sure she climaxes. He then proceeded to tell us that since most women don’t reach climax as quickly as men this means foreplay is essential to the marital act.
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So what does that mean
 
chb03c

It means dinner isn’t over untill you both have had dessert!

Let me tell you young people (sepecially young men) making sure the woman is happy in the “marital” (mean that in both ways) relationship is just good common sense. You will be the better for it.
 
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Shlemele:
chb03c

It means dinner isn’t over untill you both have had dessert!

Let me tell you young people (sepecially young men) making sure the woman is happy in the “marital” (mean that in both ways) relationship is just good common sense. You will be the better for it.
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Thank you very much for advice. I am still a little confused. Back to the original question on this thread about oral sex. It was my understand (and I could be wrong here) that you have two “rules” to follow:
  1. don’t spill the seed
  2. intercourse MUST take place
now as far as oral sex is concerned; is it ok for women to climax outside of intercourse?
 
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chb03c:
is it ok for women to climax outside of intercourse?
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Outside of intercourse? If you mean, outside of the event entirely, no. It has to be during the sexual “event,” if you will. All married people know that the wife’s climax can’t always happen before the husband’s. Women are just not that programmable! But I believe the teaching is as long as it coincides with the man completing the act correctly, be it before or after, coital or otherwise, it is morally licit.

I don’t have time to read it thoroughly at the moment, but you may find your answer in the “Love of Husband and Wife” portion of your Catechism, beginning in paragraph 2360. Hope this helps.
 
chb03c said:
1. don’t spill the seed
2. intercourse MUST take place

now as far as oral sex is concerned; is it ok for women to climax outside of intercourse?
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Yes, so long as intercourse takes place at some point.
 
  • Cohabitation prior to marriage
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I don’t see a sin in it if it doesn’t increase the temptation to commit fornication.

As for oral sex, seed must not be swallowed and it’s allowed as foreplay in marriage.

As for wife’s orgasm after husband’s, it’s all right to bring her to orgasm. What some people say is that it’s all right for her to use hands to bring herself to orgasm after the man is done and sleeping. I see a problem with that. His touching, okay. Her own touching, no way. Nor does it look right in my opinion for a guy to use his own hands to speed up his erection or ejaculation.
 
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chevalier:
I don’t see a sin in it if it doesn’t increase the temptation to commit fornication.
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Cohabitation does increase the temptation to commit fornication. Even if a couple doesn’t share the same bed, the proximity and availability would obviously increase temptation.

It is also involves “sin of scandal.” Let’s say a cohabiting couple isn’t having sex. Everybody will assume they are! In this way they are endorsing pre-marital sex.

I can’t tell you how many people are mystified by the fact that I am not going to live with my fiance before we’re married. Everybody wants to know when we’re moving in together, and I tell them that he’s moving into our new apartment when the lease begins, and I’m sleeping on a friend’s couch until after the honeymoon.

They don’t understand, but they certainly know where we stand when it comes to these issues.
 
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ElizabethAnne:
It is also involves “sin of scandal.” Let’s say a cohabiting couple isn’t having sex. Everybody will assume they are! In this way they are endorsing pre-marital sex.
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This is exactly the point I was just about to make if nobody had made it first. The sin of “scandal” cannot be overlooked in this case. Cohabitation gives the appearance of evil and entices others to sin. If we cohabit before marriage, even if there is no sex involved, we are responsible for the sins of anyone who sees us do this and sins as a result. It is a grave offense.
 
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ElizabethAnne:
Everybody wants to know when we’re moving in together, and I tell them that he’s moving into our new apartment when the lease begins, and I’m sleeping on a friend’s couch until after the honeymoon.

They don’t understand, but they certainly know where we stand when it comes to these issues.
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It doesn’t sound like a very fun honeymoon. 😉
 
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